asinine ways to resolve complaints

Judge Suing Dry Cleaner For $54 Million Cries In Court

Judge Suing Dry Cleaner For $54 Million Cries In Court

By 6.14.07

“Never before in recorded history have a group of defendants engaged in such misleading and unfair business practices,” Pearson said in his opening statement. You don’t get a lot of firsts in recorded history in D.C. Superior Court, though I should add that Marion Barry was in the building for his day in traffic court, and the pants suit easily outdrew the ex-mayor-for-life.

It gets better. One of Fancy Pants Pearson’s witnesses testified, comparing the Mom and Pop dry cleaner to Nazi Germany:

“At 89, I’m not ready to be chased,” she said. “But I was in World War II as a WAC, so I think I can take care of myself. Having lived in Germany and knowing the people who were victims of the Nazis, I thought he was going to beat me up. I thought of what Hitler had done to thousands of Jews.”

Wait. It gets better.

DC Judge Reconsiders Demands, Now Wants Only $54 Million For Misplaced Pants

DC Judge Reconsiders Demands, Now Wants Only $54 Million For Misplaced Pants

By consumeristcarey 6.9.07

You may remember Judge Roy “Fancy Pants” Pearson; he sued his Korean cleaners for $65 million after his pants were misplaced, claiming signs promising “Satisfaction Guaranteed” and “Same Day Service” constituted consumer fraud. Judge Fancy Pants has reconsidered his suit, and has reduced his demands to only $54 million. The cleaners’ attorney thinks Fancy Pants is being unreasonable:

Chris Manning, the Chungs’ attorney, says that can be considered fraud only if the signs misled a “reasonable” person. No reasonable person, he says, would interpret them to be an unconditional promise of satisfaction.

We think this is the perfect case to be adjudicated either by Judge Judy, or the Judge Judy Soundboard. — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER

DC Judge Seeks $65 Million In Damages From Korean Cleaner

DC Judge Seeks $65 Million In Damages From Korean Cleaner

By consumeristcarey 4.28.07

A DC judge has filed a $65 million suit against a Korean cleaner, claiming that signs promising “Satisfaction Guaranteed” and “Same Day Service” constitute consumer fraud. Roy Pearson was appointed to a DC judgeship, a job that requires a suit. The judge brought several suits to Custom Cleaners for alteration, but one pair of pants went missing. So the judge did what any reasonable DC judge might do; he sent the cleaner a different kind of suit: a law suit.

How does he get to $65 million? The District’s consumer protection law provides for damages of $1,500 per violation per day. Pearson started multiplying: 12 violations over 1,200 days, times three defendants. A pant leg here, a pant leg there, and soon, you’re talking $65 million.

The cleaner offered $12,000 to settle the case, but the judge refused. The original cost of the alteration: $10.50 — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER