Some of these are more Engadget-worthy, like the release where Apple tried to say web apps were the future of iPhone app development, or the bizarre announcement of the Palm Foleo (which was the equivalent of a tech company saying "We don't know what we're doing right now, please look away.") But there are some entertaining Consumerist-worthy examples too:

• Circuit City's March 2007 announcement that it was "separating" veteran associates who the company felt were being paid too much money. Here they spin it as the first stage in a huge turnaround for the company, instead of the great big push into failure that it really was.
• Microsoft's overlong announcement in January 2007 of a new era of computing with Windows Vista and Office 2007. What's best about the release is how it conflates Office with Vista and mixes up their feature sets. It's almost as confusing as Microsoft's general rollout of Vista two and half years ago.

"The Press Releases of the Damned!" [Technologizer]

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If you see a commenter violating these rules, email moderator@consumerist.com. Posting only to point out someone is breaking the rules is distracting and unnecessary. So no rules lawyering or "junior moderating" in the threads. Don't try to argue the fine points of how your comments are just within the rules. Always post with the spirit of the comments code and not just its letter.

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(Photo: Gúnna)

Worst Company In America - Round 2 Match Ups

(Photo: tomsaint11)

To do this, from the new "View" menu, choose "Expanded."

Dear Ben,

We have recently attempted to purchase the Consumerist (please see below). We are concerned that our offer is not being taken seriously. We have recently taken on increasing financial backing. Please see here: http://blog.3bulls.net/?p=2216

Here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32478419@N05/3035979777/

And Here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32478419@N05/3037767183/

You will note the latter is a very valuable, in fact almost priceless, image of a spider playing Wii. I trust we will be able to wrap up this sale in due course. We will make every effort to gainfully employ all Consumerist employees with no changes. Salaries of course will be in spider money equivalents. We assume this will entail almost no lifestyle changes for you and your employees.

Best,
P. Punko

Here's the original offer referenced above, which was sent to Gaby:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to inquire as the the purchase price of the website "Consumerist." I am wanting to inquire if the commenters will also be included in the purchase? Is it possible that they will not be included for a discount? I think I can automate the Consumerist commenting using a simple algorithm. First, I will have one commenter complain that it is the consumers fault, whatever the problem may be. Second I will have another commenter call someone a "jackass" for yelling at a customer service rep. Finally I will have another commenter alternately post "buyer beware" and "caveat emptor." Unfortunately, I do not have any funds available for the purchase at the moment. I do however, have a drawing of a spider, that I would like to provide for the purchase price. I think you will find its value will match that which you place on the Consumerist.

Kind regards,

P. Punko, Esq.
blog.3bulls.net

Another interested party named Michael is so busy producing money that he has no time for commas and that is why you can read his email which we have reprinted below very fast:

Dear consumerist,

After reading about the man who tired to pay his bill with a drawing of a spider I wish to purchase the consumerist with this drawing of a caterpillar which I value at about 62 million dollars should you accept my offer I promise to make drawings for all the employees daily which would range from stick figures to various animals and plants as you can tell I am quite the artist.

Regards,
Michael

We seek a new home where our kickass blogging team can continue to thrive and grow. We get 14m+ pageviews according to Sitemeter, and 2m+ uniques according to Quantcast. Direct inquiries to gaby@gawker.com.

Blog reader survey (Photo: Getty)

I wish I could hug each and every one of you, and in some cases hug you around the neck with my hands, but since I can't I just want to shout out to some particular commenters. Starred or not, you'll always have a little star icon from me.

To Eyebrows McGee: On average, you probably had the most consistently useful and well-thought-out comments I read. I was always flattered when I saw a comment from you on one of my posts, and disappointed when I didn't. I think you're awesome and even though I like dudes I have a little bit of a blog-crush on you for your good deeds. Your husband is very lucky.

To Git Em SteveDave loves this guy-->: One of the funniest things I read all year was your idea to breed fainting-goat children in order to protect regular kids from playground predators. I wish I'd thought of that.

To Ein2015: Thanks for helping with the VPN post, and even moreso thanks for taking the time on your own to follow up on reader questions in the comments to that post. You didn't have to do that and it was pretty awesome.

To SkokieGuy: I think I misrepresented myself. I only wish I knew how to dress a moose, although I'm probably too much of an animal lover to go through with it and would just set the moose free, half dressed. I don't think I understand what "dressing a moose" means.

To HomerJay: A couple of times, you managed to bring out the really cranky, argumentative side in me. It was like you were channeling me, which is surreal. But it was kind of fun nonetheless.

To Buran: Where did you go? You made me aware of the fact that transcripts are highly appreciated for video clip posts.

To Crabby Cakes, snoop-blog, Bladefist, Antediluvian, humphrmi, pylon83, Rectilinear Propagation, Michael Belisle, Trai_Dep, DrGirlfriend, and everyone else who I'm forgetting who left a great comment, contacted me personally with a tip, made a useful correction, or in rare cases handed out a compliment. It was sincerely a pleasure to connect with you. Yay for a sense of community!

I'll be leaving my Twitter account, ConsumerChris, active in order to continue micro-blogging interesting material that I think is Consumerist-worthy, so feel free to keep me on your buddy list. If I end up in a consumer advocacy position elsewhere, I'll certainly announce it via Twitter.

Now I am going to go toast my year-long career as a Consumerist editor over a nice dinner with friends, enjoy my weekend, and start looking for new outlets for my indignation. I do not think it will be that hard.

You may leave your compliments and job tips below.

I have been a Consumerist reader from the start. The site was such a poignant realization that consumers didn't need to be a deprecated race, ignored and abused by corporations who wanted us only to spread our wallets and beg for more. This was our safe space, the dojo where we could train to fight back.

I jumped at the opportunity to join the team, happy just to be able to contribute to such extraordinary work. When I nervously agreed to let Ben march me into IDT, I never expected to emerge with an offer to be the site's weekend editor.

Writing for The Consumerist has been a pleasure, not a job. Along the way, I even started looking forward to calling customer service. The tips we write about day in and day out actually work, and once you master them, you will never again fear any company.

It has been amazing to watch the site generate actual results. Posts are now inevitably followed by the pitter-patter of public relations footsteps, ever-eager to "expeditiously resolve this isolated incident." Every serious company now needs to scrunch their face up against our window to listen in on our conversation. Some are starting to realize that investing in customer service is a win-win proposition, but for those that don't, this site remains the best place to teach consumers how to reach the executive suite, grab the ear of the C.E.O., and demand the service they are paying for, and the respect they deserve.

I have been most surprised by the personal responses from the smaller companies and independent business we've written about, the ones who have responded in such a heartfelt way that you'd think you accidentally spat on your neighbor. Their quick and direct replies show that nothing will ever beat person-to-person service unhampered by rigid policies and quality control supervisors.

Still, there is so much more work to be done. Though I'm especially proud of starting Above and Beyond, you would be shocked how many tips arrive in our tipbox heralding supposedly exemplary service that read: "my brand new expensive product fell apart but the company replaced it!" The bar of customer service has clearly been set far too low for far too long, and it's been beyond rewarding to be part of the struggle to nudge it ever higher.

I've worked for the government and I've worked with non-profits, but writing for The Consumerist has been the most meaningful and downright effective work I've yet to do. I'll never be able to thank Ben enough for trusting me to write the site.

So where do I go from here? Who knows... The Consumerist has been my home for almost two years. I will keep writing about consumer issues, but until I know more, you can follow me at carey-on.tumblr.com. For now, I'll rejoin the ranks of loyal readers, eager to see what Ben and Meghann have planned for the future.

Thank you for reading, and goodbye. — CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER

Carey Lives Here Now [Tumblr]

The unique angles and insights from Jalopnik, Defamer, Gizmodo, Valleywag, Lifehacker, Deadspin, Jezebel, Kotaku, iO9, Gawker and Consumerist are delivered in one convenient package so you can stay on top of this critical moment in our nation's history. Get informed and, stare in amazement at the madness of it all, and maybe work in a chuckle or a chortle or two, Economy.Consumerist.Com.

Props to Consumerist reader Brandon Savage, whose suggestion sparked the whole idea in the first place!

Nick Denton writes:

I have some bad news. Here's the heart of it: we are cutting 19 of our 133 editorial positions and suspending bonus payments at the start of next year. With the savings, we are increasing base pay and hiring 10 new people on the most commercially successful Gawker sites. But I know that's scant consolation for the colleagues we're losing and for those of you who have been enjoying the bonus windfalls from breakout stories.

You can guess the reason for these brutal measures: the recession. Sure, the company is currently profitable and advertising sales are up by about 30% on their level of a year ago. Our biggest clients are consumer electronics and entertainment companies that are relatively well insulated. And, yes, this is not the first time I've predicted doom: in July 2006, when we "battened down the hatches" and closed down Sploid and Screenhead; and in April this year, when we spun off Idolator, Gridskipper and Wonkette.

But now the credit crisis is clearly going to affect every sector of the economy. Advertising buys typically plunge after the Christmas shopping season, and 2009 is obviously going to be exceptionally difficult. We have to prepare for the worst, now, rather than when the worst comes upon us.

We never used to talk about the business side of the operation. Traffic was the only concern; my belief was that juicy news would draw the readers and the advertising would take care of itself. We were patient; even if it took four years for a site to develop the audience that finally registered with advertisers, we had the time. No longer.

Sites such as Consumerist, whose success has been measured more in traffic and recognition than in revenue, now need to cover their costs. I can't underline enough that this harsh commercial judgment is no reflection whatsoever on the editorial teams that are being cut.

Each of these sites performs a vital function. Consumerist provides an outlet for disgruntled consumers that exists nowhere else on the web; Valleywag has given puffed-up Silicon Valley the prick it's long needed; and Fleshbot manages to be classy and filthy at the same time. The site leads and writers on all of our sites have done exactly what we asked them to: work harder than the competition and grow the audience. It's my commercial judgment that's been at fault.

One reason we're eliminating these positions is to reinforce the teams on the sites with the most commercial appeal—Gizmodo, Kotaku, Lifehacker and Gawker—and the properties such as Jezebel, io9, Deadspin and Jalopnik which are poised to join them.

One new recruit we're confirming today is Gabriel Snyder from W Magazine in Los Angeles who, as managing editor of Gawker.com, will continue the site's evolution into a national news and entertainment site. We are also hiring new contributors at Jezebel, Deadspin, Kotaku and io9.

Even in the growing editorial teams we need to control costs. And that means a new look at traffic bonuses. We've been spending $50,000 a month on average on pageview bonuses. The scheme has made writers hustle for traffic even in teams so large that there was a risk they become lumbering. It's helped us hit a record 274m pageviews last
month, up 69% on last September.

Pageview bonuses will continue this quarter. And we are committed to pageview incentives, and to measuring performance by a writer's individual pageviews, in the long term. But a first quarter spike in traffic — and the resulting bonus payments — could be dangerous if advertising markets are troubled next year. And we're assuming that the economy is so volatile that most of you would like a little bit more predictability about your own income.

That's why we're suspending the pageview bonus for the first quarter at least, but making up for some of the loss of income by raising pay. If you haven't recently agreed to a new rate, your monthly base amount will automatically be increased by 5% in January.

The news about the job and bonus cuts will be demoralizing. The golden age of the blog is over, people will say. Gawker Media is behaving like those big media companies that we mock so easily. I could come up with some bullshit line about how much worse it would have been to wait until we were forced to control costs; or how much more unpleasant life will be at the many internet ventures and newspapers that won't make it through the downturn. I could give you my optimistic spin about the glorious future that awaits us on the far side of this downturn.

But there is no escaping the fact that we're losing some excellent colleagues and the environment next year will be bleak. The one consolation is that there will be plenty of news for us to break — starting with this email, which you are free to leak.

1. The timestamp next to each thread now links to a permalink page with only that thread. This makes referencing specific conversations easier, or you could pass around the link to threads you've started and get your friends to reply.

2. The "Most popular" link at top of the comments is a shortcut sending you to a page showing the threads with the largest number of replies. The discussion with the most replies is on top.

(Photo: grendelkhan)

1) Threads will be sorted chronologically instead of by popularity.
2) Replies will go under that comment, but will be collapsed by default.

(Photo: Getty Images)

(Photo: Getty)

Ben Popken
Meghann Marco
Chris Walters
Carey Greenberg-Berger
Alex Chasick
Theresa Profio (feed under construction)

Hi! I'm Chad Steelgate from Haberdasher Communications and I'm really excited to announce that our team has purchased The Consumerist from Gawker Media Network. You may notice a few changes around here, just some minor tweaks, I assure you. Irregardless, it's the same blog you know and love. For starters, one small alteration, the blog will now be called The Conglomerist.

Sincerely,

Chad Steelgate

Eight Annual Weblog Awards [Official Site]

Eighth Annual Weblog Awards

Eight Annual Weblog Awards [Official Site]

Are you an unrepentant neophile? Do you sometimes think post-apocalyptic futures and alien invasions are pretty cool? Want to know what's going to happen next to the climate, the shape of skyscrapers, the contents of your genome, or your favorite scifi TV show? Then come to io9.com.

i09 [Official Site]