The owner kept the monkeys as pets, but saw one of them copying him one day, so he handed him a hot towel and watched him bring it to a customer. Now he's deliberately training three more, which actually concerns us a little. Two monkeys is hilarious, but put five monkey waiters together and you're risking a monkey union, which we imagine won't be quite so enjoyable—imagine Sally Field throwing her poo at the other factory workers instead of scribbling on cardboard.

"The Amazing Monkey Waiters" [Daily Mail via MetaFilter]

A reader at "green gossip" website Ecorazzi reported that the local KFC says it fries its vegan patties in the same fryers and oil that it uses to cook its chicken. It's doubtful that they're the only location that does this, but even if they were, there are several other reasons why this sandwich isn't vegan, and might not even be vegetarian. The obvious one is the use of mayonnaise as a condiment, which contains egg products unsuitable for vegans. We couldn't find any nutritional information on this sandwich at KFC or KFC Canada's website, so we can't speculate on what secret animal products (like enzymes or "natural flavors") are in the bun. Having worked at a few fast food restaurants in high school, we know that gloves and utensils aren't changed between preparing meaty and vegetarian items, so you're probably getting some chicken fat in your KFC Vegetarian Sandwich one way or another.

It's nice that KFC made the attempt to offer a non-meat menu item, but vegans and vegetarians shouldn't be eating at fast food restaurants. Even the highly touted Burger King Morningstar Burger is imperfect: the patty itself contains milk and egg, the mayo contains eggs, and the cheese contains milk (and probably animal rennet). Burger King's nutrition info brochure contains the following disclaimer: "Burger King Corporation makes no claim that the BK VEGGIE® Burger or any other of its products meets the requirements of a vegan or vegetarian diet."

If you'd like to learn more about how cheese is made with veal stomach, sugar is bleached with animal bones, and other depressing reasons not to ever eat anything ever again, check out the Vegetarian Resource Group's Frequently Asked Questions About Food Ingredients

(Photo: Getty)

They're concerned with protecting the U.S. food supply. Contaminated meat can put U.S. livestock at risk of mad cow disease, foot and mouth disease, swine fever, avian flu and other illnesses that can enter the food supply through garbage feeding and other means. Plants may harbor pests that could decimate whole crops.

So the regulations are based on the disease conditions in the country the product is from. Beef in any form is not allowed from Europe, Oman or Israel, all classified as areas with bovine spongiform encephalopathy, or mad cow disease. Canned beef bulgogi from Korea, however, is fine. Korea is classified as free of mad cow.

Spain and Italy are recognized as countries with swine disease, so in general no ham because curing methods don't always kill the disease. Parts of France have been designated as bird flu zones, so no foie gras.

So what does this mean for you?

Fungus routed from the ground by pigs in France? Load up. Basil plant from your grandmother's garden in Italy? Pack it up (just shake off the soil)! Kangaroo jerky from Australia? Bon appetit.

But don't even think about canned corned beef from Dublin or smoky, Spanish chorizo. And foie gras, even cooked and canned? At your peril.

In general, baked goods, candy and chocolate are all fine to bring into the U.S. Condiments — oil, vinegar, mustard, pickles, syrups, honey, jelly — also fine.

Cheese is trickier, with hard varieties such as Parmesan and cheddar allowed, but soft, fresh or runny varieties, such as Brie, burrata and ricotta — big no-nos.

Fruits and vegetables generally are prohibited or require special certificates, unless you can prove they were grown in and came directly from Canada. Except potatoes. No Canadian potatoes, which have suffered disease outbreaks.

Fresh meat generally is forbidden. No steaks, no chops, no sausage. Unless it comes from New Zealand. Or is a wild bison. From Canada. That you killed yourself (keep your hunting permit with your passport.)

Cured meats — that's your Serrano, Parma and Iberico hams, plus Hungarian salami and other delicacies — are almost always forbidden. Unless they come from particular, preapproved production facilities.

Check with customs before leaving so your potential contraband doesn't earn you a strict talking-to from concerned customs agents. The only thing you can know for certain is that the agents won't be shocked by whatever you're trying to bring back.

For Maurine Bell, port veterinarian at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport during the 1990s, that would be the whole goat she once found stuffed in a passenger's luggage.

"The gentleman was from Greece and he was bringing it in for his daughter's wedding," she says. "We took the goat. And the suitcase, too."

Think twice before stuffing your suitcase with prosciutto [USA Today]
Know Before You Go - Regulations for U.S. Residents (PDF) [U.S. Customs and Border Protection]
(Photo: dizznbonn)

If you are one of the many Americans who are opposed to real fur, the problem is obvious: you bought "faux fur" and received real. Or—if you are ok with some types of fur—you thought you were purchasing one species but instead took home a garment trimmed with fur from a species of dog.

But even if retailers and designers were to stop falsely advertising and labeling raccoon dog fur today, consumers would still be left with less than ideal information about what is really on the jacket they're purchasing.

That's because, despite "raccoon dog" being this animal's common name (that is, the non-Latin name which is generally used), the Federal Trade Commission inexplicably decided in 1951 that this animal should be referred to as "Asiatic raccoon" in advertising and labeling under the Fur Products Labeling Act.

"Investigation Results Find Raccoon Dog Most Misrepresented Fur Sold in America" [Humane Society] (Thanks to Pierre!)
(Photo: hokkey)

Stewart is a realist: he admits that there are definitely some high costs associated with monkey ownership. But he also considers the fact that a monkey can be an investment if properly trained. You know, to ride dogs and stuff:

The only reason you have a monkey as a pet is to train it to do cool things. These cool things can also earn you money, if you know how to crack the competitive birthday party/rodeo market. Lets assume that my monkey isn't smart enough to be a public spectacle until he is 5 years old and I put him out to stud for the last two years of his life. That leaves me about 10 years of use out of the monkey.

Just last week a little boy here was bitten to the bone and seriously injured by his family's "pet" lemur.

"Pet Monkeys - The Financial Considerations" [My Family's Money]

(Photos: monkey riding dog: I Fought the Law; monkey pants: scottobear)

We appreciated two spots for Doritos and Fed Ex that featured oversized animals overcoming expectations. Doritos' slapstick ad played off the old truth that mice love cheese with a scene that we would love to see played out at Disney.
Fed Ex did a commendable job using pigeons, but even though it was clever, it only reminded us of their own bird brained failures.
Coke's spot with former Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and James Carville was the most honest ad of the night thanks to its crisp, refreshing message: members of the government are shameless whores who gladly sell out to the highest bidder. It's true. Everyone likes to rail against the incestuous ethics-free cesspool that is Washington politics, and here it is, proudly on display for the Super Bowl. This is the saddest political ad since Bob Dole endorsed Viagra.
Most disappointing spot of the night goes to the Office of National Drug Control Policy. These are the people who gave us our brain on drugs. Our tax dollars should churn out high-powered visuals, not low-budget documentary-knock-offs. We could barely hear the skeezy drug dealer mutter the key line: kids steal drugs from their parents.Do people ever get ideas from ONDCP commercials? We didn't realize kids could get high and save money just by raiding their parents' medicine cabinet. Thanks for the tip, federal government!

What did you think of the ads? Tell us in the comments.

Watch All the Super Bowl Spots [Ad Age]

According to Julie's daughter, the Frontier flight attendant who booted Julie from the plane claimed that the Jack Russell Terrier "was a safety hazard for the other passengers."

"I had to go the parking lot and cry, I didn't know what to do," Fishback said. "They were rude, they didn't accommodate me ... it was just a dreadful experience."

Tired of fighting, she turned around and went home.

"I think these people just don't care," Fishback said. "No one is held accountable for their actions."

Frontier spokesman Joe Hodas apologized Monday for what happened.

"Our goal is to make sure that when people fly, 100 percent of our customers are happy with the experience," he said. "Obviously, with Mrs. Fishback, we missed the mark."

Before Nov. 5, Frontier flights didn't allow pets to be carried on at all, Hodas said, so the rules are still fairly new to everyone. He didn't know exactly how the mistake was made, but said the employee who originally checked the case might have either mismeasured it or just "eyeballed" it and thought it was OK.

Grandmother stuck at home on Christmas [Longmont Times-Call]
(Photo: Ty Holland)

Holiday Shoppers Beware: Six Major Retailers Selling Real Fur as Faux [Humane Society Of The United States] (* note: this is a different group than your local animal shelter)