Consumerist: Analysis

Cable Companies Are Like Bi-Polar Buffet Owners

Ben Popken — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 17:07:49 EST

An article over at LightReading questions how cable companies can get away with advertising speeds they can't provide and then using caps to limit people trying to actually take advantage of the advertised bandwidths:

An MSO talking 100 Mbit/s out of one side of its mouth and usage caps out the other is like a bi-polar buffet restaurateur. They continue adding more entrees to an all-you-can-eat spread, and then reduce the size of the plates and tell diners they only have 10 minutes to chow. It's a recipe for dissatisfaction. The buffet looks bigger and tastier - so the patron's hunger grows - and then they are asked to practice portion control.

(Photo: BILLBINNS)

Solve This Math Problem, Verizon

Ben Popken — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 18:22:58 EST

Considering their ability to convert cents to dollars, Verizon should have no trouble solving this equation.

Since we're more electrorock than mathcore, we don't know what the equation means, though we suspect it relates to dimensional analysis. — BEN POPKEN

Verizon Math [xkcd] (Thanks to Dan!)

UPDATE: The end result of the equation is... $.002. The second factor turns into -1 +1, and the last one cancels itself out.

AOL Research Closes

Ben Popken — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 09:59:13 EDT

According to Greg Linden, founder of Findory and search industry professional, the AOL subdivision for releasing the user search histories has folded.

Greg writes, "I am saddened by this news. It is very disappointing."

Yes, the feeling of melancholy it creates is something akin to the sensation the your personal search history had been released on the internet with enough info that people could identify you and knock on your door.

Linden is the same fellow quoted in NYT as saying of the history release, "I don't think there is a real privacy concern... especially in a day when we see millions of credit card numbers leaked by one group and millions of Social Security numbers released by another government agency."

Very sad, indeed.

AOL Just Wanted to Help Out The Elbow-Patch Jacket Set

Ben Popken — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 10:17:40 EDT

The AOL user search queries data leaked on the internet were apparently posted by a technician who uploaded the data without vetting it through in-house privacy department, company spokesman Andrew Weinstein told WP.

AOL's intent was to provide open source tools to academics researching the science of how people search for information.

In reporting the story, NYT gave the kill quote to Greg Linden, CEO of Findory, a news search company,

The uproar, he said, would hurt university researchers trying to explore new types of searches who did not have access to data about users. "This is going to slow progress of those who want to find ways to help people find what they are looking for faster," he said.

Bad bloggers, pointing out privacy breaches! Although it's beyond us why anyone would find the searches useful.

Did you see what these people typed in? Any librarian would self-combust at how poorly formulated the queries were. Didn't anyone teach these people about Boolean operators?

AOL Apologizes For Splooging Your Searches

Ben Popken — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 18:08:17 EDT

A boon for search engine researches quickly tumbled into a privacy snafu as AOL released search query results for 650,000+ users. AOL expression contrition and dismay in the quotes provided by spokesman Andrew Weinstein who said:

"This was a screw up, and we're angry and upset about it. It was an innocent enough attempt to reach out to the academic community with new research tools, but it was obviously not appropriately vetted, and if it had been, it would have been stopped in an instant."

Guess what? If personal data is collected, some day it may be improperly divulged and used by hacky writers to make endless blogfood from "strange things are being done in the same households as searches for mundane crap."

The question now is what will be done with the data already released? We shall wait, and breathlessly watch Digg.

AOL User 231392 Illuminated

Ben Popken — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 16:43:51 EDT

Here's another AOL user who should definitely be manacled to a rusty pole and beaten with barb wire. Dirty thoughts! Dirty! Dirty!

But let's not be prudes. We have all searched for crazy stuff. Things that we will never tell anyone else about. Things that we thought would never be revealed.

Nonetheless, user 231392 proves without a doubt: when they say it's America Online, they're not kidding.

First we have a search for DebShops, which offers young women and teen fashion. Then we promptly move into incest sex. Then we move into "celestial bride shops." Then "Atlanta Nascar Race." Who is this searcher? A pedophilic car lover? A moonshine mistress getting ready for the prom and checking on her favorite racer stats?

Further searches query "prom hairstyles" "prom gowns," more Nascar, some Rascall Faltts concerts, a little more incest sex, sex with animals and finally, the Cambria County Fair of Ebensburg, PA.

Not sure if that's a family outing we want to be privy to.

231392's full search profile inside.

231392 deb stores 2006-03-04 23:06:43 1 http://www.debshops.com
231392 comhttp 2006-03-17 17:42:51
231392 ross thomas 2006-03-17 17:48:13 4 http://www.rossthomas.net
231392 incest sex 2006-03-17 18:00:03 2 http://scripts.cgispy.com
231392 incest sex 2006-03-17 18:00:03 4 http://insest.startspot.nl
231392 incest sex 2006-03-17 18:00:03 5 http://duboard.proboards57.com
231392 incest sex 2006-03-17 18:00:03 7 http://www.ultraguest.com
231392 incest sex 2006-03-17 18:00:03 10 http://pub15.bravenet.com
231392 celestial bride shops 2006-03-19 12:07:15 3 http://www.decidio.com
231392 celestial brides 2006-03-19 17:46:02 1 http://www.celestialbrides.com
231392 atlanta nascar race 2006-03-19 17:57:42 1 http://www.atlantamotorspeedway.com
231392 atlanta nascar race 2006-03-19 17:57:42 3 http://www.nascar.com
231392 summer swimwear 2006-03-25 19:58:12 1 http://www.fazed.com
231392 summer swimwear 2006-03-25 19:58:12 2 http://www.kidzworld.com
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 1 http://www.promhairstyles.net
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 2 http://hairstyles.free-beauty-tips.com
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 3 http://www.prom-hairstyles.org
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 4 http://www.2promhairstyles.com
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 7 http://beauty.about.com
231392 prom hairstyles 2006-03-26 17:31:49 8 http://www.beautyriot.com
231392 jc penny prom gowns 2006-03-26 18:01:35
231392 prom shoes 2006-03-28 16:07:29 6 http://www.weddingaccessories.net
231392 adam farabaugh 2006-03-28 22:02:58 6 http://www.aviators.stark.k12.oh.us
231392 california postcards 2006-03-28 22:03:24 2 http://www.scripophily.net
231392 rascall flatts concerts 2006-03-28 22:10:02 1 http://www.rascalflatts.com
231392 rascall flatts concerts 2006-03-28 22:10:02 4 http://www.bestshowticketslasvegas.com
231392 tuscany 2006-03-30 20:25:08 3 http://www.castellitoscani.com
231392 hawaii 2006-03-30 20:29:51 2 http://www.hawaii.com
231392 kristin cavallari 2006-04-03 15:40:46
231392 5l3n4rncuddlecove.com4946r53v3228 2006-04-03 16:34:28
231392 wedding hairstyles 2006-04-04 19:54:40
231392 country concerts in pennsylvania 2006-04-05 15:40:59 1 http://countryscraps.tripod.com
231392 proms hairs styles 2006-04-05 16:17:32
231392 proms hairs styles 2006-04-05 16:17:36
231392 proms hair styles 2006-04-05 16:17:38
231392 proms hair styles 2006-04-05 16:17:39 3 http://www.promspot.com
231392 proms hair styles 2006-04-05 16:17:39 3 http://www.promspot.com
231392 proms hair styles 2006-04-05 16:17:39 3 http://www.promspot.com
231392 incest sex 2006-04-10 16:10:11 2 http://freeincstories.to.pl
231392 free incest sex 2006-04-10 16:11:59 8 http://hot.anzwers.net
231392 free incest sex 2006-04-10 16:11:59 10 http://domby.3.forumer.com
231392 sex with animals 2006-04-10 16:36:44 7 http://www.midon.com
231392 sex with animals 2006-04-10 16:36:44 10 http://www.westtexasonline.org
231392 love quotes 2006-04-10 17:32:15 3 http://www.best-love-poems.com
231392 richland cinemas 2006-04-12 16:28:03 1 http://www.richlandcinemas.com
231392 heath ledger 2006-04-21 20:59:22
231392 myrtle beach hotels 2006-05-27 22:20:42
231392 rascall flatts 2006-05-27 23:20:00 1 http://www.rascalflatts.com
231392 cambria county fair 2006-05-27 23:24:39 1 http://www.cambria-county-fair.com

Portait of AOL Search as a Young, Strange, Man

Ben Popken — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 14:06:40 EDT

This research paper, authored by the same people listed as authors in the AOL data's README, reveals what AOL had hoped for people to do with the data.

They wanted their users examined in aggregate. Look at all the dot graphs and charts. Watch the pretty gradient map of America. Revel in the statistical analysis. Wallow in the private made public.

Previously, the DOJ asked all the major search engines for a swath of their data. Everyone complied (except for Google). Now AOL released the info to the public, with the intent of attracting profit. Not to mention the handy benefit of, "getting others to figure out their metrics for them for free," says Vinny.

AOL: We don't give a fuck.

'The Corporation' for Free on Google Video

consumerist.com — Tue, 27 Dec 2005 09:06:09 EST

We haven't yet watched the documentary 'The Corporation, although it's sitting in our Netflix queue right below The Odd Couple. So while we'd love to make a comment about watching the movie for free being some sort of ironic comeuppance for the companies they're railing against, we don't actually know if The Corporation is critical of corporations at all. It could be that the movie praises the intellectual property and copyright laws to which many of our largest companies are tethered, which would make it a little bit sad that someone has uploaded the whole three-hour thing to Google Video, where you can watch it for free.

Judging by the screen caps, it would appear the movie is about pickling babies, which is surprisingly rad.

Slate Rates Magazine Wish Lists

consumerist.com — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 16:10:47 EST

Brendan I. Koerner, a filthy, treacherous rogue if ever one set lies to paper, disembowels a staple of the publishing world's holiday half-assing it: Holiday Gift Guides. It's an idea very similar in execution to our stunning, fully-assed efforts here at The Consumerist in our "The Bathroom Scale" series—eerily similar.

You'd think this sort of piece would have been published earlier, so as to be more use to those buying magazines for gift ideas. It's almost like Mr. Koerner just got the idea.

We'll be expecting something nice this year, Mr. Koerner. Perhaps a bottle of expensive Scotch, as recommended by New York magazine.

* We don't actually think Slate ripped us off. But we would like the Scotch.

All-Star Rants Showcase: Boycott Boycotts

consumerist.com — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 09:22:39 EST

While we're riding Metafilter like the magical pony on a journey to its navel that it is, let's extract this bit of fried gold and take it along for the ride. In response to a fan of The Family Guy, outraged about Fox's scheduling problems and proposes a boycott, Lore Sjoberg writes:

I'm already boycotting my cable company. Can I, you know, sub-boycott? Or do I have to end my boycott of Comcast so that I can get Family Guy and not watch it?

How about if I refuse to download it via BitTorrent, which is easy enough given that I don't use BitTorrent. Unless BitTorrent pisses me off, in which case I'll have to start using BitTorrent so that I can stop using it, which means I won't be able to refuse to use BitTorrent to download Family Guy, because I'll already be refusing to use it for its own sake.

I suppose I could go ahead and get busy not downloading Family Guy now. At my current download rate, I should be able to not download the entire series in about a week. I could avoid downloading them even faster, but I'm boycotting the company that I was considering getting a T1 from if I ever made enough money.

However, I should check their Web site. Maybe they've reformed and I can go from boycotting them to simply not being able to afford them, in which case I should be able to not get it installed in a couple days if I don't order their express service, and assuming the lack of install goes smoothly — and I'll boycott them if it doesn't — then I should be able to not download Family Guy by not using BitTorrent while I'm asleep, if I wasn't boycotting The Sleep Number guys.

For That Ads: Honda's "Impossible Dream"

consumerist.com — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 09:13:02 EST

Honda's new ad campaign highlights not their newest technical accomplishments, but instead the long history of mechanical innovation across a variety of powered vehicles—all set to the tune of 'The Impossible Dream.' It would seem that Honda is trying to remind us of its standing as an engineering giant, rather than another discount Asian import. Oddly enough, it worked on us. We had a moment of shock when we realized we would be just as likely to purchase an old Honda S600 to tool around in as we would be to purchase a British roadster, like an Austin Healey.

Of course, what immediate good that does Honda when it comes to selling us a new car or lawnmower today, we don't know. Brand goodwill is one of the great intangibles.

Watch if: You're a Honda, striped jumpsuit, or Sophia Loren fan. (Loren is not in the commercial, but the way it is shot, one wouldn't be surprised to see her appear.)

Avoid if: You have a fear of waterfalls or handlebar mustaches.

The Impossible Dream [QT via MeFi]

'Dell Hell' as Marketing Metric

consumerist.com — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 14:03:44 EST

We have avoided posting about the "Dell Hell" marketing analysis all day, for many reasons, only one of which involves alcohol. Another is that Jeff Jarvis mentions us in the same post, and we were afraid that our whirring circle jerk might send parts careening off the internet. But you know, we can only be sent a link so many times before we capitulate. (Keep that in mind when next you have a product to hawk via email).

Basically, we agree with Jarvis. Surprise! Also, we just came.

I don t think I influenced a thing. ... I was merely a leading indicator of the problems that had built up in Dell s customer base with its unreliable products and unsatisfying service. I could have put my story out there and no one could have responded. Instead, hundreds responded. When you saw that, folks, you should have sold your Dell stock. Fast.

It's flattering to think we could take down an awful company all by our lonesome, but more often than not we're just fruitlessly grinding our pelvis against the tip of icebergs you probably would have run into anyway. But if we can save just one shopper by sodomizing an iceberg (or metaphor)...

Read the 'study' yourself, if you like. We could make head nor tails of it. It seems that blogs do things.

Onalytica: Measuring Blogger Influence [Onalytica (PDF)]