drunks on a plane
We need to figure out how to make airports more entertaining. After drinking at Phoenix International Airport and again on his
US Airways flight, Ernest Wright, 49, of Albuquerque, got in his car and drove away. He was arrested with a blood alcohol level of .16 and charged with aggravated DWI. (We suppose he told himself, "If it's good enough for CEO
Doug "Dear Jerry, I'm Taking Your Airline" Parker, it's good enough for me!")
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underage drinking
Anheuser-Busch is pouring Spykes down the drain less than a week after twenty-nine state attorneys general asked the brewer to warn customers that mixing Spykes with caffeinated beverages could be dangerous. The AGs also expressed concern that the colorful alcoholic flavor shots encouraged underage drinking.
"Due to its limited volume potential and unfounded criticism, we have ceased production of Spykes," Anheuser-Busch said in a statement, in which it added that Spykes was the lowest alcohol content product in its market segment.
The decision, announced by Anheuser-Busch CEO August Busch IV, was heralded by Connecticut AG Richard Blumenthal as a "significant victory in the fight against underage drinking." Sorry, kids.
— CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER
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underage drinking
Twenty-nine state attorneys general have asked
Anheuser-Busch, makers of the alcoholic flavor shots called Spykes, to warn consumers that it may be dangerous to mix Spykes with caffeinated beverages. The AGs also expressed concern that Spykes might encourage underage drinking with its "tiny, attractive, brightly colored containers that can be easily concealed in a pocket or purse." That couldn't possibly appeal to underage drinkers, who, we are told, prefer their 40 oz beverages concealed in sober tan paper bags.
Anheuser-Busch spokeswoman Francine Katz said the St. Louis company does not endorse underage drinking and does not target minors. She said Spykes shots, which are sold in 2-ounce bottles and have as much alcohol as a third of a glass of wine, are less likely to appeal to minors, who typically "drink for instant impact."
Controversy is practically Spykes' mistress. The Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms already ruled that the Spykes' teeny-tiny government mandated warning label was "
out of compliance" for being too teeny and tiny. We don't see Spykes becoming less controversial anytime soon, leading us to wonder: is Spykes the new Cocaine?
— CAREY GREENBERG-BERGER
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payoffs
Beer manufacturers are lobbying
congress in order to secure a "beer tax rollback" which would "cut the federal beer tax in half to its 1951 level," according to the CSPI. Alcohol producers donated around $10 million to federal candidates in the last election cycle, and 70% of that was "beer money."
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bad consumer
Sir, we need you to sit down for this post. Thank you. British Airways is advertising for an "air rage investigator" to join their "asset protection group," according to the Telegraph:
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airplanes
David S. Howell must have thought he was so smooth: Sneaking a water bottle full of vodka onto a full
United flight out of Chicago. Too bad he drank most of its contents in the first 30 minutes, then threatened to kill a male flight attendant.
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screw-caps
More and more wines are coming with screwcaps instead of corks. Good.
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beer
Gas guzzlers don't just spew more carbon into the air, they apparently affect the price of a cold, frosty brew:
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united airlines
Yes, flying can be stressful, but it's no excuse to get belligerently drunk. On a recent United Airlines flight from Boston to San Francisco a 28 year-old female passenger did the following:
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alcohol
So-called energy drinks are popular, but are they healthy mixers? Apparently not. What a shock. From ABC News:
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tylenol
"Non-prescription pain relievers used by millions of U.S. consumers need stronger health warnings regarding liver or stomach risk, the Food and Drug Administration said Tuesday." The drugs in questions are
acetaminophen (Tylenol), and NSAIDs like ibuprofen (Advil, Motrin). In particular acetaminophen is associated with liver problems.
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cabbies
Over the last few-years, Minneapolis' St. Paul International Airport has had a problem: the cabbies waiting to shuttle off passengers outside have invoked the Koran whenever they spotted a bottle of wine or Duty-Free booze, refusing to carry the passengers.
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alcohol
How to get ahead in business? Skip college. Skip the job fair. Head straight to the old man bar at the corner and start passing out the business cards.
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money
Broke again?
Here's a handy calculator to show you how much money you're tossing down the bottle or needle a month and year, along with all the great things you could've bought instead.
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airlines
I love scotch. And when I order one, I always get somewhat annoyed by the pleb bartender who asks me if I want it with ice. Doesn't he know that a fine single-malt should never be served with scotch, or watered down, unless with a mere thimbleful of spring water from the very locale in which the whiskey was distilled?
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alcohol
"Thish ish ya capawhatchamacallit shpeakin..." a voice over the cabin intercom slurs. Looking out the window, you can't help but notice a landing 747 dropping down out of the sky straight on top of you. Your dilating left eye spasms involuntarily.
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coors
Pete Coors, vice chairman of Coors Brewing Company, obviously never watched
Scarface. Otherwise, he would be acutely aware of the dangers of getting high on your own supply, and might have avoided getting arrested for DUI. In May, Coors rolled through a stop sign in his Jaguar and was spotted by a trooper. A breathalyzer test registered a blood alcohol level of
.88. .088.
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disneyworld
For grumpy parents who take Disney's particular brand of hallucinogenic chipperism as a soul-curdling annoyance, there's only one way to get through a vacation at Disneyworld: drunk out of your gourd.
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