Where can I get biblical-era steroids?

thats quite a "come from behind" move, dontcha think?

@PsychicPsycho3: Pray to God.

Everything old is new again. I had a Noah's Ark play set when I was a kid. The animals and ark were given out at Arco gasoline stations when you filled up, it took forever to collect the whole set.(And no, Young Earth Creationists; no dinosaurs)

Seems like a better guess than the skinny jeans, anyhow. "Intelligent buying" is flattery.

You're saying I can get my own personal 12" Jesus? Does he come with a crucifixion kit? Or action nunchakus?

@WindowSeat:

did they ever make communist party action figures? I'd love to rock Stalin in my glove compartment

My god only shops at K-Mart

Since it will be a Wal-Mart, I sure hope the talking Jesus doll says "Thou shalt not steal".

The real question is what does Jesus say?

Oh wait the real question is how long till a hacked cursing rapping Jesus appears on youtube?

@discounteggroll: There was a recall of the Communist Party figures, children kept injuring themselves with the Leon Trotsky Assassination Ice Axe.

Can I get an Abraham with infanticide action, Pontius Pilot with scourging whip, Adam and Eve before they took a bite from an iPhone, Jesus with refillable blood reservoir (for crucifixions and very personal communion) and crown of thorns action Frisbee, regurgitating whale with Jonah surprise, Noah and the 50 Million paired species on the ark, and, hey!... that package isn't empty, it's filled with the Holy Spirit.

I already have the Ark of the Covenant from my Indiana Jones playset. I can't wait for the Muslim and Mormon editions which are sure to follow soon.

Thank you Wal-Mart!!!

Will there be a song of solomon section?

I've never met a kid who'd rather play with a Jesus doll than a G.I. Joe. I've met plenty of parents who'd rather have their kids play with Jesus dolls than G.I. Joe. And their kids always turn out so well-adjusted.

I can't wait for the follow-up, equal opportunity religious cash-in dolls. An Abraham & Isaac 2-pack, and a special edition Muhammad figure. Wait. Maybe not the Muhammad figure.

@yasth: It's only a matter of time with a hacked Jesus spouting obscenities alongside the 12 apostles!

yeah that's a little strange for walmart

i just don't like that most people will be buying them just for the novelty aspect

@Skiffer:

Isn't there a song about this?! Depeche Mode called this some time ago... "Your own personal Jesus" [www.lyricsfreak.com]

@WindowSeat:

ah, I thought that was recalled because the included flask of vodka turned out to be poisonous

@Steel_Pelican: Every action figure needs a super-villain to fight...I guess that's where the Mohamed and Buddha dolls fit in...

Goliath is an alternative to Bratz Dolls? How?

The bible has some good action stories, so I don't mind the action figures to go with it. But once the kids recreate the bible story, what else will they do? If they're anything like I was, they're going to tape a few fircrackers to Jesus and blow his arm off. Or have Peter fight Cobra Commander (Cobra Commander would take Peter out in a second). Or run Paul over with a Tank...you see where I'm going. PS- If Christainity is the correct religion, I am so going to hell for this post.

I want battle-damage Jesus.

That's one hot picture.

Anyway, Archie McPhee (woo Seattle!) has been selling better Biblical action figures for eons: mcphee.com

I hope they carry the "Buddy Jesus" as seen in Dogma.

@Steel_Pelican: It's the parents with the money.

This is just Walmart going after the profitable 20-35 year old "irony-based shopping" demographic.

Archie McPhee has been offering up their Jesus action figures for many years. I wonder if Wal-Mart will have such creative ones.
Check them out
[www.mcphee.com]

Man, Jesus was RIPPED.

But will they be able to be sold on Sunday? "Buying" Jesus on a Sunday just sounds wrong.

Who knew the consumerist was full of a bunch of cynical disrespectful hethens?! :P

Hopefully for you all they won't ever have to come out with historically accurate versions of "Rapture Jesus" or "Apocalyptic Jesus" or "Judgement Jesus".

You all seem to have to have the same mentality as the people who do tax evasion. Sure you "might" get away with it, but is that really a gamble worth taking?

"faith-based" community? i love how outspoken christians think their religion is the only 'faith' out there. that is, i dont see any vishnu or buddha action figures. geocentric and religion-centric at the same time. impressive.

Maybe a Samson doll with cuttable and "regrowable" hair, like those old Barbies.

@boandmichele:

"faith-based" is just an associative/descriptive tag apply to the largest majority group in a particular environment. "faith-based" in Israel would mean Jews, "faith-based" in Iraq would mean Muslim, "faith-based" in India would mean "Hindu" etc.

Same reason why most people in the US say kleenex instead of facial tissue. Kleenex is just one brand but that brand in this culture/society has become synonymous with facial tissue.

no reason to get all flustered.

Stop motion animation just became a whole lot more fun. Now I can piss off a whole nation of religious nutjobs. ;-)

@gibsonic: having grown up being smothered by christianity, it doesnt take much to fluster me. :)

@gibsonic: Hahahahaha....

@discounteggroll: Don't you recognize great religeous moments like the story of David in Goliath? Hehehe Buttsecks.

@infinitemonkeys: You missed the Father McFeely catholic priest and altarboy playset, the Athiest's Jesus action figure (which is pretty much an empty box), the "Nazi's worshipped the same God playset" with 100 identical blonde-hair blue-eyed nazi action figures, and my personal favorites, the Religeous Bloopers Action Playsets... Dashing babies heads open on the rocks, persecution of the gays, persecution of the blacks, persecution of the protestants, persecution of the... Well, who didn't the christians persecute. EVERYBODY gets a playset.

Oh, the tickle-me-jesus should be out for Xmas.

@Steel_Pelican: ME! ME me me me. I want Jesus instead of Joe. He's bigger and I can melt more sticks into his corpse than a 6" GI Joe figure.

@Skiffer: Most popular villains series. Left-wing Liberal Man, Athiest Dude, Darwin (head of all antichrist forces), Pro-Choice Woman, The Abortionator, and Masturbates to images in Playboy guy.

@DeeJayQueue: T-800 Terminator style battle-damage Jesus, or you-tube's I Lit Tickle Me Elmo on Fire style battle-damage Jesus?

@Gibsonic: You're referring to Pascal's Wager. That argument was ripped to shreds centuries ago.

I have a Job action figure dressed in rags with (really graphic) sores AND boils. I seriously can't believe someone made a children's toy like that. A friend of mine in seminary had a Jesus who came with "Loaves and Fishes!" (one for each hand) and had "blessing action" and was clearly made from the same toy mold that some "karate-chop action" action figure was made from.

And the problem with Bible action figures is that the kind of parents who buy Bible action figure are usually the kind of parents who FREAK OUT when Jesus starts having sex with Barbie in their child's playtime.

Question: Since Wal-Mart has gone global, will their stores in Asia offer a Buddhist doll featuring Kung-Fu grip?

@gibsonic: Oh please. SELLING (or making) Jesus dolls is a helluva lot more disrespectful than MOCKING Jesus dolls. Moneychangers in the temple, dude.

They were developing a Muhammad action figure in their WTC offices. They hope for a better reception this time.

I don't care if it rains of freezes
'Long as I got my Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car.
Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my Plastic Jesus I'll go far.
--Ernie Marrs

@disavow:

if you say so.

@Eyebrows McGee:

i guess sarcasm and tongue in cheek don't convey well online sometimes.

@gibsonic: We do. Pascal's wager- "You're better off believing in God, just in case He's real." Is crap, and it has been for centuries. Your argument that equates our apparent atheism/agnosticism with tax evasion sounds eerily similar to Pascal's long-debunked wager.

@Steel_Pelican: Yeah those are the same ppl who spew thier drivel about purity and whatnot then show up on escort's personal customer lists. I would rather have my son play with GI Joe, Transformers even a block of wood than a Jesus figure..Good thing I don't go within 500 ft of a white trash mart..err Walmart I mean.

@gibsonic: I got the sarcasm. At worst you were a christian with a sense of humor.
I think this community has a healthy respect for things that deserve it. I also liked the observation that these 'graven idols' are an almost irresistable invitation to some stop-motion animation. Get your Einstein and Darwin Dolls (which I've seen before) and have them battle the forces of juvenile inculcation and shame-based morals.

POW!

Will they have "Pete The Pedophile Priest" in stock?

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman."

-Homer Simpson

BTW, isn't this a new form of "idol worship?"

Old Testament Jesus, or New Testament Jesus?

@ironchef: break out the golden calf and you might be on to something.

@Daemon_of_Waffle:
hahaha...

@Eyebrows McGee:

Once again, you have made me laugh so hard I almost shot Diet Coke out of my nose. :-)

@Steel_Pelican: If you cram anything down a kid's throat, he'll reject it as soon as he leaves home. Just look at how many atheists come from evangelical backgrounds.

@ironchef: The thing with idols is that they're only called idols when they come from other faiths. If it's your own religion, it's a "relic" or piece of "religious art."

BTW, Walmart also needs to sell Tom Waits' Chocolate Jesus around Easter. I bet the irony would be lost on the parents...

@TVarmy: [www.youtube.com] . I gotta cite my sources more.

Oh man, youtube is gonna be so much fun!!!111

Can't wait for the Darwin vs Jesus fight! =D

I guess it's a follow up of replacing baseball cards and other trading cards with more religious figures.