You can have every single DirecTV channel and subscription, including all the porn, and 24/7 at-your-door customer service, if you sign up for DirecTV Titanium *.

It only costs $7500.

For that price, we better be able to summon the pornstars to perform Harry Twatter live in our living room.

(Thanks to Jeff!)

* We know, the service was launched in June, but this is the first we've heard of it, and it's still wacky.