Listen consumers, if you have to write a generic complaint letter then you really are failing to understand the artistic nature of the "complaint" itself.

If I were an employee who's sole purpose was to read these sorts of things, I would feel more inclined to reward those who went above and beyond the stock generic form letters that are regurgitated oh-so-often.

First, get the basics covered in the sample letter above. Then you can get creative!

I like to throw in evocative details so the person reading it can imagine a human on the other end of the complaint. Things like "this double billing tied up nearly $350 for over a week, requiring me to borrow money from friends so I could feed myself" or "this flaw in the toothbrush construction so injured my right hand that I cannot write legibly".

I also include things like "I have been a loyal customer of xxx for however long, but problems like this are forcing me to consider switching to yyy" or "I make the purchasing decisions for my family, which spends an average of $xxx on product such as this every month".

On Dec 7, 1944, I leased a box of plastic sporks, model PM22A at the dark side of the moon.

Unfortunately, your product has not performed well because the soup broth dribbles through them. Your salesperson misrepresented the item, clearly indicating these would make me a sex goddess. Dribbling is a tiny niche turn-on.

To solve the problem, I would like your entire staff to be summarily executed in the manner of being pecked to death by chickens. Enclosed are copies of my caterer's bill, birth certificates for my children and my mother-in-laws dental x-rays.

I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. I will wait until I have to pee before seeking help from a rabid anti-corporate website like Consumerist.com or the eunich Better Business Bureau.

Please contact me by brainwave, as I have disconnected all electronic communications methods because of the Martian rays.

-- You're right, it IS like mad-libs :)

For 13 years I edited a consumer complaint column in a major newspaper, and I think your example is right on target. I have just a few things to add:
1. Before you start writing letters, make at least 2 attempts to solve the problem with the company's usual consumer complaint resolution track.
2. If those 2 attempts are unsuccessful, address your first complaint letter to President (just the title - you don't need a name), Company name. Always start at the top. Let the President's staff direct it to the consumer complaint department. Meanwhile, you've gotten the attention of the top person, and most of them don't like to hear that a customer has had problems with their product.
3. As much as you may be tempted, never be rude or crude. It will hurt your case.
4. Definitely be creative ... write as though you were telling your friends the details of the problem (but without the profanity).
5. If the company doesn't meet your deadline, send them a second letter, with a copy of the first one and all supporting materials, but with a cc to the atty gen's office, the BBB, or other consumer protection agency. Or, if your local newspaper or television station has a consumer complaint column/show, cc them.

eight years of great service, until. until I got the bundle service. since then tech's been out 3,4,maybe 5 times. first my internet wasn't responding, fixed. then, after dialing a number would get 4-6 beeps then start dialing, fixed. then, lost part of my cable channels, fixed. then, back to getting the beeping sound when number dialed and now poor pictures on some of my cable channels. which these last two not fixed. one tech will change input/output on the splitters, then the next will come and change them back. as a former tech this problem would/will be solved by installing another cable to the house and dividing up the data and/or providing one line for each service phone/cable/internet, which will be the correct way.don't try calling corp office was on hold 32min ended up on a voice mail. since then letter been sent to corp with no answer so will set down and write a letter to my local paper to commit on this service, also since 90% of people in this town want charter to go will now fully support the issue.

I'm currently writing a complaint-type letter that I will send both via email and by snail mail. For emails, what are your ideas on good subject lines? Suggestions would be appreciated!

@SOMETHING_AMAZING: that's terrible advice. people aren't trying to see who can be creative and that's not what they're thinking about. they're thinking, "my boss and 5 others got a letter from this pissed off guy and he's not afraid to write the right people."

besides, you're not one of these employees. if I were a web admin, I would delete comments like yours that are posted inappropriately oh-so-often.

Try THIS! I sent this and had the lead monkey of the customer service department on my phone within ten minutes. Did I mention I CC'd the e-mail to about 20 other execs at Charter as well as my local paper and TV news?

April 3, 2008

Neil Smit
President & CEO
Charter Communications
941 Charter Commons
Chesterfield, MO 63017

Bravo, Neil!

You have successfully outsourced all accountability. You're probably too
dimwitted to figure out what I'm referring to, so I'll connect the dots for you.
I'm referring to how you have designed your phone systems to direct all of

Charter's Customer Service problems away from Saint Louis. It must be easy to
consider yourself a success and sleep like a righteous man when there's no one
to tell you that you're failing. Do you run around buying every copy of

Consumer Reports reviews of telecom companies, to keep everyone from discovering
that Charter is consistently DEAD LAST?

In case you're wondering, I have been a customer of Charter Communications since
2004. During this time I've had a number of Internet outages that required me

to call your Internet support department in order to restore my service. Each
issue was a frustrating ordeal and always an issue with Charter's network. Not
to mention, they were resolved due mainly to my patience and due diligence.

Today I had another outage and an experience with your phone imbeciles that was
beyond compare. After being disconnect TWICE after navigating your phone menu,
I finally connected to a support representative in the Philippines. Let me tell

you, there's nothing like the frustration when you are forced to combine a
LANGUAGE BARRIER with a technical problem.

Anyway, after navigating Charter's useless automated "internet troubleshooter",
I got a support representative who informs me that my cable modem is defective.

I've been told this before to discover that it was actually a service outage in
my area. So, I decided to double check and went to Charter's online Live Chat
Support, using my Internet connection at work. Once again, a Charter Support

Representative informed me that my cable modem was defective and that I needed
to take it to my local Charter office for a replacement. (see copy of attached
online chat). So, I proceeded to drive home on my lunch to discover that the

modem was fully functional and my Internet service was restored. Am I
surprised? No. Am I livid? Yes.

At this point I tried to contact Charter's Billing Department for a credit to my
account for the outage and my personal inconvenience. Once again I got multiple

busy signals before being connected to a billing representative in the
Philippines. After explaining my situation and that I wanted to speak to
someone about a credit to my bill, she transferred me to Canada to speak to

someone in Cable Support. The representative in Canada informed me she could
ONLY transfer me back to the billing department located in the Philippines.
Unfrigginbelievable!

Don't bother getting out of your chair, Champ. I'll take care of getting my

refund myself. I can only hope and pray that you are forced to "toss some
salad" like your previous CFOs…

"In the criminal case, Barford, Charter's former Chief Operating Officer, pled
guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and was sentenced to one

year and one day in prison and was ordered to serve two years of supervised
release after the prison term and to pay a $200,000 fine. Kalkwarf, Charter's
former Chief Financial Officer, pled guilty to one count of wire fraud and was

sentenced to 14 months in prison and was ordered to serve two years of
supervised release after the prison term and to pay a $200,000 fine. McCall, a
former Charter Senior Vice President of Operations, pled guilty to one count of

conspiracy to commit wire fraud and was sentenced to two years of probation and
ordered to pay a $200,000 fine. Smith, a former Charter Senior Vice President of
Operations, pled guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and was

sentenced to two years probation and ordered to pay a $175,000 fine."


Sincerely,


Mike Copland




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You have been connected to TTD Maryjane .
mike copland: hello?
TTD Maryjane : Thank you for contacting Charter. My name is Maryjane. May I know
who I am chatting with, and how may I help you today?
TTD Maryjane : Thank you for contacting Charter. My name is Maryjane. May I know

who I am chatting with, and how may I help you today?
mike copland: my charter internet is down
TTD Maryjane : I am sorry to hear that you are having a problem with your

Internet service. Let me do my best to assist you with your concern. Afterwards,
I will also check on your services to make sure that you are receiving the best
level of service possible from Charter.
TTD Maryjane : First, I need to check on your account to make sure there's

nothing had been missed. Can I have the phone number beginning with the area
code. For security purposes, can you verify the name on the account, and for
Federal Communications Commission compliance, can I have the last four digits of

your Social Security Number, please?
mike copland: my pc is off, i have completely disconnected and reconnected my
modem
mike copland: i just gave it to you
TTD Maryjane : Thank you. Please wait while I pull up your account.

mike copland: k
TTD Maryjane : Have you tried what we call a power-cycle, Al? Here are the
steps:
Step 1: Unplug the power cord on the back of the cable modem. It is usually
small, black and round. All the lights on the modem will disappear when you pull

it out.
TTD Maryjane : Step 3: Plug in the power cord on the back of your cable modem.
Wait 60 seconds before doing anything else.
Step 4: Restart your computer. Note: Please do not do this while we are
chatting, as it would disconnect our chat.

mike copland: yes
mike copland: ive dont that
mike copland: im on my neighbors wireless account
TTD Maryjane : Okay.
mike copland: im not on MY charter account
TTD Maryjane : May I know what state are you in?

mike copland: mo
mike copland: hello?
TTD Maryjane : One moment please.
TTD Maryjane : May I please have your MAC ID, I need to do a test on your modem
to see if it is working fine.
mike copland: ok

mike copland: one sec
TTD Maryjane : Thank you.
mike copland:
TTD Maryjane : One moment please.
TTD Maryjane : I am done with the test. Mike , I can see that you modem is not
in good condition anymore that is why you are having problem on your Internet

and somehow getting interruptions. I need you to visit the local Charter office
on your area to have your modem swap.
mike copland: ok, thanks