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• Commented on Cox Accidentally Offers Everyone In Arizona A Free PlayStation 3
  How indubitably articulated. This gentleman does indeed sound like a little bitch....
• Commented on Surprise Knife In Lenovo Box Cuts Reader
  White Power Bill can't listen to your complaint with such dirty ears....
• Commented on Dating Site eHarmony Settles Same-Sex Class Action For $2 Million
  Don't act like you're any better. We all know Atheists pray to Athe....
• Commented on EBay Says It Will Remove Listing Fees For Low-Priced Items
  As others have said, the sellers on eBay are just as much consumers as those who purchase items from them. The sellers are paying eBay, and eBay in turn provides a service - the listing and promotion of their items....
• Commented on After 3 Months, Only 35 Paying Customers For Newspaper's Web Site
  Considering they bought the paper for only $650, a three-month profit of $9,000 isn't too shabby....
• Commented on Uncle Sam Cool With Live Nation/Ticketmaster Monopoly
  Somewhere in New Jersey, Bruce Springsteen is quietly weeping....
• Commented on Whatever This IKEA Couch Is, It Must Be Good For Napping
  What this picture doesn't show is that 10 seconds earlier, this man had been roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris....
• Commented on Pizza Hut Delivery Guy Stiffed On Tip, Coldcocked By Customer
  You should have been more appreciative of the less-than-minimum-wage that such customers were providing you....
• Commented on Security Breach At JFK Airport Leads To Delays, Evacuations
  Next week, on the Consumerist: "Wasteful Customer Drops Candy Wrapper on Floor of LAX Terminal, Airport Evacuated"....
• Commented on KFC Sues Self In Game Of Legal Chicken
  So, we may see the move from "KFC" to "KGC". That acronym strikes me as a little too close to "KGB" for my liking. Somebody's got to stop these chicken pinkos before they take our cars from out our garages...
• Commented on Walmart Greeter Punched, Fired
  I think he means the "manipulating facts to pursue a frivolous lawsuit" part....
• Commented on T-Mobile Changes Mind, Lets Family Off The Hook For Stolen Phone Charges
  There's always one....
• Commented on Consumer Reports Science Proves Slap Chop Sucks
  I guess Consumer Reports didn't love his nuts....
• Commented on FYE Loses Customer Through Use Of Relentless Upsells
  Or maybe they'd unscrew the cap and slap an "Optimized by the Geek Squad" sticker on it....
• Commented on Science Toys "For Girls" Don't Need As Much Power
  I think we all know that speed holes are the best way to make your car/telescope/anything go faster....
• Commented on Microsoft Must Change Word Or Stop Selling It
  Quiet you....
• Commented on Microsoft Must Change Word Or Stop Selling It
  I never liked that '.docx' extension; that 'x' looked like it had something to hide, all tacked on at the end there. Finally, my suspicions have been vindicated....
• Commented on Walmart Accused Of Secretly Videotaping Public Restroom
  "Local management said the taping was aimed away from the toilet and was done to determine whether workers were stealing." The operative word here is toilet, singular. Knowing that this is one of those single occupancy bathrooms, I would assume...
• Commented on Consumer Reports Tests "Racist" HP Webcam
  Insert angry rant on white privilege and societal discrimination here!...
• Commented on Alleged Walmart Shoplifter Dies After Being Tackled
  Well, I sure hope no one ever lets you in any kind of managerial position. If so, I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more "shoplifter's testicles electrocuted at Wal-Mart" stories....
• Commented on Comcast Really Needs That -$0.05, Man
  I wonder what would happen if he sent them a cheque for $ -0.05. If we're lucky, it will warp the fabric of space-time, causing the Comcast office to collapse upon itself "House of Usher"-style....
• Commented on Fake Steve Jobs: "Go Protest At An AT&T Store Today"
  I concur! Now, I like social upheaval as much as the next guy, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this 'protest' won't do anything at all, outside of make the people involved look silly. The cliché statement is...
• Commented on 10 Things To Know To Keep Your Luggage From Getting Lost
  An article full of broad generalizations and spelling mistakes? Ben, say it ain't so! While some of your tips are useful (10, 8, 4, 3), I can't help but feel you should have maybe provided a few handy links to...
• Commented on The Secret Origins Of Subway's $5 Footlong Revealed
  I saw the attractive Asian girl and the phrase "five dollar ... five dollar", and I immediately thought of Full Metal Jacket. Does that make me horribly, horribly racist?...
• Commented on Best Buy Says Ian Can Keep His Free Xbox
  @Tedsallis: Who let the drama students on Consumerist?...
• Commented on State Job Website Has Great Opportunities For Self-Starting Identity Thieves
  @SacraBos: Sadly, that was also my first thought. The internet has ruined my innocence forever....
• Commented on Angry Customer Shoots Taco Bell Employee Because They're Closed
  @britne: Duly hearted. That was pretty much fantastic....
• Commented on Consumerist Friday Flickr Finds
  Does that first picture remind anyone else of that Watchmen still of all those Dr. Manhattans together? [jrminkel.files.wordpress.com]...
• Commented on More Ways To Buy A Non-Apple Mac OS X Computer
  @TheOrtega: Amen to that....
• Commented on Pizza Hut Manager Attacks Old Man
  Having lived in Winnipeg before, this comes as no surprise. It's definitely Canada's version of Compton....