(The Consumerist)

Cops: McDonald’s Customer Traded A Happy Meal For A Happy Ending

Doesn’t matter if you’re handing over cash, a selection of fine cheeses or a bag of french fries — the law will get ya if you’re trading goods for certain ah, services. Police say a New Mexico man set up an illegal trade of the fast food-for-sex variety in Albuquerque recently, wherein he picked up a woman and then ordered her a meal at McDonald’s. [More]

(Maine Police Handout)

Ask This Guy How To Survive For Almost 30 Years In The Woods On Spaghetti-Os

Part of the fun of going camping is the novelty of eating camp food that you might not otherwise eat at home. Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over the flames, snacking on trail mix or just heating up a can of Spaghetti-Os — all of those are fun while you’re in the woods. Which makes us wonder how the guy who lived in the woods in Maine for 27 years feels about camp food now. [More]

(hesweptlime)

Louvre Forced To Close After Staff Walks Out In Protest Of Aggressive Pickpockets

Beyond all the valuable pieces of art on display at the Louvre in Paris, there’s a whole other set of treasures — the pockets and purses of the millions of visitors who walk through its doors every year. The world’s most-visited museum was forced to close today after more than 100 staff walked out in protest over the rampant thievery going on right under Mona Lisa’s nose. [More]

(Todd Kravos)

Cops On The Lookout For Guy With An ATM That Doesn’t Belong To Him

Anyone living in North Carolina — if your friend lets you use his “personal” ATM, perhaps in the living room or backyard, it’s probably not his. We say that because police are currently on the hunt for a suspect who first stole an excavator from a construction site and then used it to boost a 2,000-pound ATM nearby. [More]

(ninjapoodles)

Nobody Move Or The Spaghetti Will Be Ruined: Woman Robs Bank With Tomato Sauce “Bomb”

We’ve seen our share of consumers gone wrong, people who rob banks and maybe get caught, maybe don’t. But never before have we seen someone risk their dinner during a heist. A woman accused of robbing a bank in Michigan got away with a heist recently by claiming she had a bomb in a bag. In no world is spaghetti sauce an explosive device, unless maybe Gallagher and his mallet are involved. [More]

(dirtyblueshirts)

Cops Track Down Stolen TV Based On Suspicious Activity On Owner’s Netflix Account

Somebody’s watching you — and it might just be your Netflix account. Which turned out to be a very good thing for the owner of a stolen TV in Raleigh, N.C. who had linked up his Netflix account with the device. Police not only recovered the TV in question but a cache of allegedly stolen goods at another home. [More]

(Great Beyond)

Woman Files Insurance Claim For Stolen Items Using Receipts From Store That Didn’t Exist

It’s quite awful to have more than $116,000 in jewelry, electronics and high-end accessories, including a Lois Vuitton purse, stolen from the back of your dad’s Lexus. Awful! But if those items perhaps never even existed and you file an insurance claim on them using receipts from a store that wasn’t open on the date of the receipts… Don’t expect any sympathy from police. [More]

Enraged At Wrong Sauce, Customers Attacked Dip-Hurling Pretzel Stand Worker

Enraged At Wrong Sauce, Customers Attacked Dip-Hurling Pretzel Stand Worker

It’s every snack lover’s nightmare: you get your pretzel, dip it in the provided dipping sauce, and discover that the idiot behind the counter at Auntie Anne’s pretzels gave you the wrong sauce. Only they wouldn’t replace it for free because the snackers had already used the offending sauce. [More]

(CaliCBL)

Using 911 As A Hotline For Help Ordering Chinese Food Is A Guaranteed Way To Tick Off The Cops

It’s not always easy figuring out what you want to eat, or how to navigate big menus. But if you’re feeling stuck, lost or otherwise confused about ordering in, don’t do what one woman allegedly did and call 911 for help. Unless, that is, you want to get charged with a misdemeanor. [More]

(Tama Lever)

Just Because You’re Wearing Epaulets & An Air France T-Shirt Doesn’t Mean You’re A Real Pilot

Ugh, this guy is gonna ruin wearing Air France T-shirts and black leather jackets with epaulets for everybody: Pilots on a U.S. Airways flight were pretty sure a French man wearing the aforementioned ensemble wasn’t a pilot when he plunked down in a cockpit seat. Good catch, everyone. [More]

Even this guy works at night.

Breaking Into A Store Through The Ceiling Will Get You Noticed If It’s During Business Hours

We’ve all seen the movie where Tom Cruise is like “Hey, I’m a thief guy and I’m coming down through the ceiling to steal something!” (Go on and IMDB it if you want.) But in real life, that’s a pretty risky move. And whether or not you successfully maneuver down through the ceiling, people in the store are probably gonna notice if it’s the middle of the day and not say, the dead of night. [More]

(bluwmongoose)

Former Girl Scout Leader Accused Of Using Troop Funds To Fuel Her Car, Love Life

Okay, 2013. Seriously. What do you have against Girl Scouts? Is there a cosmic conspiracy afoot? In the latest Girl Scouts-related crime, a former troop leader in Georgia is accused of swiping troop funds to buy gas and pay for dating services. She allegedly maintained her fancy lifestyle with thousands of dollars in stolen funds. [More]

(nathanmac87)

The Boy Who Cried “Bingo” Banned From Uttering The Word For 6 Months

You know that whole thing about how you can’t run into a theater and shout “fire” if there’s nothing on fire? That same exception to the First Amendment’s right to free speech holds for interrupting a perfectly good bingo game by screaming “BINGO!” if you haven’t, in fact, scored a bingo. An 18-year-old in Kentucky learned that lesson from the law after crying “bingo” last month. [More]

(Triborough)

Girl Scout Troops Let Down When $24K Order Turns Out To Be A Cruel Hoax

UPDATE: After hearing the woeful tale of the Girl Scouts swindled out of a $24,000 sale, locals in Portland showed up over the weekend to buy up 3,000 boxes of the 6,000 that had been set aside for the hoax order. [More]

(Todd Kravos)

Beating Up The ATM That Ate Your Card Will Get You A Felony Charge Instead Of Cash

We’ve seen all kinds of seemingly minor acts turn into what’s termed “a pretty freaking big deal” just by a simple twist of events. Like admitting to past crimes, taking out too much anger on an ATM can earn you a felony. Police in New Hampshire say it wasn’t a simple kick that got one ATM customer in trouble, but a major mess-up. [More]

(frankieleon)

Hey, You Left Your Counterfeit Money Inside This Possibly Stolen Printer You’re Trying To Return!

It’s already pretty difficult to return an item without a receipt at many retailers, but when a guy left behind a sheet of counterfeit money in the printer he was trying to bring back to Walmart, police got wise that something was shady. [More]

(NYCviaRachel)

Rest easy, everyone: The (alleged) South Carolina Girl Scout Cookie Bandit has been apprehended. The accused is a worker at the storage company where the cookies were swiped from, making this an inside job. A round of Thin Mints and milk, please. [WSPA.com]

(stevelyon)

Yet Another Accused Thief Makes Rookie Mistake Of Uploading Pics From Stolen iPad To The Cloud

The funny thing about those who steal technological toys like iPads and iPhones from others is often that they don’t really know the capabilities of the electronics they’ve swiped. Even if they do, incriminating photos have a way of showing up and biting them in the rear. A woman accused of stealing an iPad ended up providing her own mug shot when photos her kids reportedly took were uploaded to the owner’s cloud. [More]