(MeneerDijk)

Man Uses $530K Of Insurance Money Meant To Pay For Wife’s Dialysis To Buy Trucks, Skid Loader

When a loved one’s health is hanging in the balance, one might think that a husband would do anything in his power to help his wife. One might think that, but in the case of a man who was sentenced to 18 months in prison for stealing more than $530,000 in health insurance payments, he used that money on things like cars and a skid loader instead of paying for his wife’s kidney dialysis. [More]

(Dykam)

Man Arrested For Overnight Grocery Store Feast Of Whipped Cream, Steak, Shrimp, And Beer

According to police, a Kentucky man held the best overnight grocery store campout ever in the wee hours of Monday morning. Employees knew that something was up when they found 57 cans of Reddi-Whip brand whipped cream in the store’s trash. The whipped cream cans use nitrous oxide as a propellant, see. Oh, but the festivities didn’t stop there. [More]

(Morton Fox)

A Bucket Of Chili Proves Useful In Thwarting Would-Be Robbers At Chicken Joint

Silly would-be robbers — if you haven’t learned by now not to try to steal from a restaurant with an abundance of hot stuff around, well, things probably won’t work out for you. Police Down Under say a man attempting a heist at a Sydney chicken shop left with a faceful of hot chili flakes instead of cash, due to a quick-thinking employee. [More]

(teksmith)

Man Accused Of Robbing Credit Union To Pay For Disney Cruise Didn’t Want To Ruin Family Trip

Family vacation is a time-honored, lovely, downright stressful and sometimes harrowing tradition. We’ve all seen National Lampoon’s Vacation with the Griswold family (if you haven’t, step into the sunlight, introduce yourself to the world), so we know there’s pressure to make everything go well. But cops say one family man took that to the extreme, by robbing a credit union in order to make the final payment on a Disney cruise. [More]

(CollegeHumor)

Humor Website Offers To Buy Giant Stuffed Carnival Banana For $2600

Earlier this week, we shared with you the sad story of a dad who lost his life’s savings playing a carnival game trying to win an Xbox Kinect for his kids (okay, probably for himself too.) He lost $2,600 when going “double or nothing” got terribly out of hand, and has nothing to show for it but a human-sized stuffed banana with dreadlocks. We shared this story as a cautionary tale about gambling, carnival games, and making sound investment choices. Over at CollegeHumor.com, they have a different take. They want the banana. [More]

Not the ice cream in question. (Morton Fox)

Punching A Cashier In The Face Won’t Make A Free Ice Cream Coupon Any Less Expired

If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a million times: staying calm and reasonable will get you so much farther than getting all violent and punchy. Although it’s still all in the Land of Alleged, police say a Long Island man punched a Carvel worker in the face after she refused to honor his expired coupon for a free ice cream cone. Sigh. [More]

(Scoboco)

Suspected Peeping Toms Crash Through Ceiling Of Women’s Bathroom At Movie Theater

Here’s the thing: If you don’t want people to suspect you of being a peeping Tom, don’t crawl around in the ceiling above a women’s bathroom. But if you do happen to fall through such a ceiling, like two men did in Georgia? Cops will probably accuse you of spying on ladies. Which is what happened just recently. [More]

(poopoorama)

Returning To Pay Restaurant Check A Week Later Is A Nice Move Unless You Decide To Pick A Fight

It’s not always easy to do the right thing, but one man’s conscience apparently kicked in a week after he’d walked out on a restaurant bill. He came back to pay the bill which is great, good for him and all of that — but then allegedly got belligerent with the eatery’s staff while doing so. [More]

(frankieleon)

Maybe Man Accused Of Stealing Whitening Strips, Condoms & Weight-Loss Pills Had A Hot Date

Police in Colorado are on the lookout for a guy who’s probably having a really great time now, or is at least looking quite dashing and dapper while doing so. Authorities say a “well-groomed” suspect waltzed into several Walgreens stores and boosted more than $2,600 worth of teeth-whitening strips, weight-loss pills, probiotics, condoms and Rogaine, as well as other hair-growth products. [More]

(catastrophegirl)

Man Gets 15 Months In Jail For Plane Hoax, Has To Write 38 Apology Letters To Passengers

Just in case you ever need a really good reason not to call in a fake bomb threat to an airplane, look no farther than the incident last year where armed agents swarmed a tarmac at Philadelphia International Airport, arrested one guy on the U.S. Airways flight and freaked out a whole bunch of travelers: Turns out the call was made by another man, jealous of a Facebook photo of his girlfriend that the other man had posted. He’s in big trouble now. [More]

(The Consumerist)

Cops: McDonald’s Customer Traded A Happy Meal For A Happy Ending

Doesn’t matter if you’re handing over cash, a selection of fine cheeses or a bag of french fries — the law will get ya if you’re trading goods for certain ah, services. Police say a New Mexico man set up an illegal trade of the fast food-for-sex variety in Albuquerque recently, wherein he picked up a woman and then ordered her a meal at McDonald’s. [More]

(Maine Police Handout)

Ask This Guy How To Survive For Almost 30 Years In The Woods On Spaghetti-Os

Part of the fun of going camping is the novelty of eating camp food that you might not otherwise eat at home. Roasting hot dogs and marshmallows over the flames, snacking on trail mix or just heating up a can of Spaghetti-Os — all of those are fun while you’re in the woods. Which makes us wonder how the guy who lived in the woods in Maine for 27 years feels about camp food now. [More]

(hesweptlime)

Louvre Forced To Close After Staff Walks Out In Protest Of Aggressive Pickpockets

Beyond all the valuable pieces of art on display at the Louvre in Paris, there’s a whole other set of treasures — the pockets and purses of the millions of visitors who walk through its doors every year. The world’s most-visited museum was forced to close today after more than 100 staff walked out in protest over the rampant thievery going on right under Mona Lisa’s nose. [More]

(Todd Kravos)

Cops On The Lookout For Guy With An ATM That Doesn’t Belong To Him

Anyone living in North Carolina — if your friend lets you use his “personal” ATM, perhaps in the living room or backyard, it’s probably not his. We say that because police are currently on the hunt for a suspect who first stole an excavator from a construction site and then used it to boost a 2,000-pound ATM nearby. [More]

(ninjapoodles)

Nobody Move Or The Spaghetti Will Be Ruined: Woman Robs Bank With Tomato Sauce “Bomb”

We’ve seen our share of consumers gone wrong, people who rob banks and maybe get caught, maybe don’t. But never before have we seen someone risk their dinner during a heist. A woman accused of robbing a bank in Michigan got away with a heist recently by claiming she had a bomb in a bag. In no world is spaghetti sauce an explosive device, unless maybe Gallagher and his mallet are involved. [More]

(dirtyblueshirts)

Cops Track Down Stolen TV Based On Suspicious Activity On Owner’s Netflix Account

Somebody’s watching you — and it might just be your Netflix account. Which turned out to be a very good thing for the owner of a stolen TV in Raleigh, N.C. who had linked up his Netflix account with the device. Police not only recovered the TV in question but a cache of allegedly stolen goods at another home. [More]

(Great Beyond)

Woman Files Insurance Claim For Stolen Items Using Receipts From Store That Didn’t Exist

It’s quite awful to have more than $116,000 in jewelry, electronics and high-end accessories, including a Lois Vuitton purse, stolen from the back of your dad’s Lexus. Awful! But if those items perhaps never even existed and you file an insurance claim on them using receipts from a store that wasn’t open on the date of the receipts… Don’t expect any sympathy from police. [More]

Enraged At Wrong Sauce, Customers Attacked Dip-Hurling Pretzel Stand Worker

Enraged At Wrong Sauce, Customers Attacked Dip-Hurling Pretzel Stand Worker

It’s every snack lover’s nightmare: you get your pretzel, dip it in the provided dipping sauce, and discover that the idiot behind the counter at Auntie Anne’s pretzels gave you the wrong sauce. Only they wouldn’t replace it for free because the snackers had already used the offending sauce. [More]