(Madeleine Holland)

If someone tries to sell you an 800-pound wok, the police in Wichita, Kansas would like to hear about it. The Associated Press reports that earlier this week, the massive piece of cookware was stolen from the Bamboo Express Asian Cuisine restaurant while it was sitting outside. Moving the wok most likely required more than one person, and police could really use some leads. [Associated Press] (Thanks, Derek!)

Credit Card Fraud Suspect Doesn’t Have ID, Poses For Picture With Card Instead

Credit Card Fraud Suspect Doesn’t Have ID, Poses For Picture With Card Instead

A suspected credit-card thief was caught thanks to the quick thinking of a cashier at a beauty-supply store in Florida. He didn’t quite feel comfortable with the purchase, and the customer didn’t have any photo identification on her that matched the name on the card. Instead of turning the customer away, he asked her to pose for a photo while holding up the card. She did. [More]

Topless Macy’s Shoplifter Puts On A Shirt, Turns Herself In

Topless Macy’s Shoplifter Puts On A Shirt, Turns Herself In

The department stores of California can rest easy: the woman who lost half of her clothing and her purse in a scuffle with Macy’s store security last week before fleeing the store and driving off has turned herself in. Police had her purse and identification, and an onlooker also wrote down her license plate number, so her identity and whereabouts were not exactly a mystery. She has been released on $20,000 bail. [San Marino Tribune] [More]

(Nicholas DiMaio)

Shoplifter Tries To Steal From Macy’s, Leaves Shirt, Bra, And Purse Behind

The woman suspected of shoplifting last night at a Macy’s store in California may be a little confused about how this whole “shoplifting” thing works. Police say that a loss prevention officer spotted the woman slipping items into her purse, and tried to detain her. Her shirt and bra came off during the altercation, and she fled the mall topless. [More]

Man Accused Of Burglarizing Chicken Restaurant, Returning For Lunch

Man Accused Of Burglarizing Chicken Restaurant, Returning For Lunch

We aren’t in the business of giving advice to criminals, but a man in Costa Mesa, California might want to rethink his brand loyalty to El Pollo Loco. After you burglarize a place, it’s probably a good idea if you don’t return for lunch on the same day. At minimum, change your clothes first. [More]

(Alan Rappa)

Police: Woman Who Led Cops On High-Speed Chase Claims She Paid For Stolen Car With Meth

While you could possibly convince police that you didn’t know the car you bought was stolen, admitting that ou paid for it with meth will still probably land you in a spot of trouble. Especially after you’ve worn out cops with a high-speed chase exceeding 100 mph. That won’t help, either. [More]

(WMC-TV)

Zoo Bans Visitor Because It Isn’t A Good Idea To Climb Into The Lions’ Den Armed With Cookies

While we’re unaware of any existing maxim that says lions can be tamed with a package of sweet treats, the Memphis Zoo is definitely against any plan involving visitors hopping enclosure barriers to offer up cookies to the big cats. That’s why the zoo has banned one woman, who allegedly climbed into the actual lions’ den while singing and bearing snacks. [More]

(914Studios)

Terrible Person Steals Jar Of Donations For The Jimmy Fund

Stealing a tip jar is pretty low, but do you know what’s even lower? Stealing a donation jar. Possibly even lower than that is stealing a donation jar for children. Children with cancer. Yet someone in Massachusetts did just that, stealing a jar of donations for the Jimmy Fund from a bar. [More]

(nathanmac87)

Woman Convicted Of Putting Pins And Needles In Food Sues Grocer For $8 Million

This story has the appearance of a wacky news story, but is just sad all around. Back in 2009, a grocery co-op in Calgary banned a woman from the premises for shoplifting. Authorities say that the following year, she began a campaign of malicious food adulteration, planting needles, pins, and nails in the store’s products. Now she’s suing the store for defamation. [More]

FCC Catches Vigilante Highway Cell Phone Jammer, Wants To Fine Him $48K

FCC Catches Vigilante Highway Cell Phone Jammer, Wants To Fine Him $48K

Admit it: there’s been at least one moment in your life when you secretly wished for a cell phone jammer in your pocket. Maybe you were in line at the grocery store, or watching a movie, or someone who wouldn’t stop texting almost merged into you on the highway. However, you should not actually do this. Why? Let the case of this Florida man serve as a cautionary tale. [More]

Do Not Punch Children And Trash The Store When You Can’t Cash In Your Change Jar

Do Not Punch Children And Trash The Store When You Can’t Cash In Your Change Jar

We’ve all been there: you’re out of cash for some reason, and have to raid your change jar for spending money. While it can be difficult to find a place to trade that money in fee-free, we do not recommend the method that a woman in Florida used. [More]

(silent (e)_

AirBNB Guest Was Actually A Promoter Throwing A Massive Sex Party

If we’ve learned anything from the experience of one Manhattan man who was serving as an AirBNB host, it’s that if you’re going to rent out someone’s apartment to hold a $20-a-head orgy, you should maybe not throw around and destroy the person’s furniture and belongings, then take some time to clean up afterward.  [More]

Cookie Monsters In California Steal Girl Scouts’ Tip Jar, Pay With Counterfeit Cash

Cookie Monsters In California Steal Girl Scouts’ Tip Jar, Pay With Counterfeit Cash

We really, really hope that the national trend of crimes against Girl Scouts selling cookies is one of those things that we’re noticing only because we are looking for the stories. Otherwise, these crimes are especially appalling since they’re against children raising money for a fun and wholesome organization. Last week in California, we heard of two additional crimes against Scouts. [More]

(Danny Ngan)

Bad Consumer Hurls Fry At McDonald’s Cashier, Lacerates Other Customer’s Cornea

Anything can be used as a weapon if deployed in just the right way. That’s what a customer at a McDonald’s in Bordeaux, France learned when she was hit in the eye with a fry while waiting in line at a restaurant. A doctor diagnosed her with a lacerated cornea and told her to take ten days off work. [More]

Avoid Shoplifting After Faking Your Death To Avoid Shoplifting Charge

Here’s a tip: if you’re going to fake your own death to beat a shoplifting charge, remember that’s a big step. Don’t jeopardize your hard work by shoplifting again at a different department store and getting arrested. A woman in Nashville allegedly did just that, and is now accused of stealing from Dillard’s after faking her death to get out of a shoplifting charge at Macy’s. She did not try the controversial “Dawn of the Dead” defense. [USA Today]

(LaBellaVida)

Baby Allowed Inside Fanciest Restaurant In Chicago, Cries

Alinea in Chicago is an expensive molecular gastronomy restaurant. It is so exclusive and fancy that most adults probably imagine that they aren’t allowed inside. Apparently the question of “can I bring my infant?” has never come up…until this weekend. [More]

Chuck E. Cheese Brawl Involved Food, Furniture, Pepper Spray

Chuck E. Cheese Brawl Involved Food, Furniture, Pepper Spray

It seemed like any other night at a Florida Chuck E. Cheese: Pizza, games, fun, games, robo-animals. Then a brawl broke out between two partying families over–what else?–prize tickets. According to one woman on the scene, the fight escalated to include as many as thirty adults and a can of pepper spray. [More]

Do Not Call 9-1-1 To Request Beer Delivery

Beer is one of the major Consumerist food groups, along with tacos, cheese, and bacon. It’s very important and nice to have around. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should dial up emergency services to report that your granddaughter won’t buy you beer, as one Tennessee woman allegedly did. [Associated Press]