mmmm, my arteries are already clogging just thinking of these bagel twinkies!

yuck

I had this idea back when I was 10 for an invention unit. It wasn't a good idea then and it isn't a good idea now.

Reminds me of those "uncrustables" sandwiches. Like those, this is just a reason to make the last remaining bastions of cheap eats more "convenient" and thus more expensive.

@billbillbillbill: It doesn't sound too unhealthy considering it's got cream cheese inside it: "Each has approximately 200 calories, six grams of fat, around 220 mg of sodium and no trans fat."

While a clever idea, I can't see frozen bagles ever being tastier than fresh ones. Ever. But the last paragraph in the linked story pretty much confirms that notion.

Eh- this could be useful if they made them in whole wheat and low fat cream cheese. But I'd miss that crunch, and the nasty attitude of the owner of my local bagel shop.

They look gross but they would be good for commuters on the train or something.

Bah, where's the bacon?

"Ever toast, spread cream cheese on, and eat a bagel and be like, damn, this is taking too long? "

YES! Just this morning! :P

I would never buy this though.

Interesting...except that I find frozen bagels to be gross in the first place. Plus, when you freeze dairy products, the texture is just NOT the same. Ever eat frozen cheese? Yuck. I kind feel that if your friendly local bagel shop wraps the bagel correctly in some sort of wax paper product (or if you do), it IS possible to eat a bagel on the run. They're not THAT messy.

That picture isn't really makin' the sale for me. It looks like a corndog gone horribly wrong.

I've never really been a fan of American-style bagels. Once you've hit real, decent fresh-off-the-wood-fire bagels (Kettleman's, Ottawa Bagel Shop, any decent bagel shop in Toronto or Montreal, one I found in New Jersey...) you'll never eat the crap they sell in grocery stores.

@lesspopmorefizz: Frozen bagels are an abomination... but not as much as this.

blech!

Call me when somebody crams a sausage in one. And covers it with chocolate chips.

@B: and deep fries it

Only 2.5 Oz and roughly 60 cents each. That's a pretty high price for something like this.

those have been around for a few years now in the form of
baglers [www.bagelers.com]

A true All-American Bagel would encase a breakfast burrito inside, which itself contains a nasty cylindrical sausage. It would come with a dipping tray of syrup, along with a glass of Sunny Delight (or other similar fraudulently healthy hydrogenated corn syrup drink).

i think i speak for everyone here when i say if anyone is going to make bagels and make bagels right its kraft.

@seraphicstar: My that's an annoying Flash website. Turns out you can't patent goo-filled bagel boluses.

There really are no words to describe that - except maybe "dreck"?

It looks (and sounds) horrendous. I'll stick with fresh bagels from the shop near my office - especially since they do it the "right" way (boil, then bake).

Let's see, these will probably retail for around $3-4, I can buy 1 dozen fresh-baked bagels from Costco for $4.50 and another $1.50 for cream cheese at the grocery store.

Unit Price:

BagelFuls: $0.75-$1.00

Fresh Bagel with Cream Cheese: ~$0.50 - $0.56

I'm more offended by those new muffin tops Eggo waffle things. I mean, at least frozen bagels have precedent. Have you ever eaten a toaster muffin?

Does their target market even have the time and energy to open the box?

At what point is there a revolt and this constant stream of crappy "innovative" shit food streaming out from the conglomerates gets tossed out of the grocery stores and more and more basic food gets shipped in?

"ONE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLAR IDEA?" If that's how well further fucking up the food supply is paying then we need to have a serious discussion about our priorities as a society.

BagelDogs weren't half bad, as long as you could forgive the lousy bagels and the sub-par hotdogs. What assclown genius got a chunk of $100 million dollars to substitute cream cheese for a hot dog?

Bagelfuls are real bagels like blowup dolls are real partners in a meaningful relationship.

I'll waste my carb/fat calories on actual, boiled, fresh NY bagels.

These aren't too bad. But definitely don't use the microwave to heat them up. They are great for my morning commute.

@mgy: Because of this comment, I know you have never had an Uncrustables sandwich. I too was once someone who thought "How lame, what kind of a lazy person needs a premade pb&j?"

Just try one...

@scarletvirtue: "real" bagels are a completely different food that the "woody dough" they seem to offer in your grocer's frozen food case. It wouldn't be so obnoxious if they called this garbage something else, but when they call it a "bagel" then they deride an otherwise decent food.

I'm pretty sure that Kraft would lawyer up if I started selling shrink-wrapped packages of monkey poop labelled as "Kraft cheese." And yet, because the word "bagel" is apparently not a trademark, Kraft can apparently sell something that barely isn't anywhere near an honest bagel as such. Just sick.

@eslaydog: I certainly haven't, but whenever I express my distaste for crustless frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, SOMEONE always pipes in with how delicious they are.

I'm trying to resist, damnit! My principles are at stake.

@dweebster:
The same lack-of-a-trademark problem exists for provolone cheese. Provolone cheese is NOT a slicing cheese for sandwiches. But delis get to say they have provolone for your sandwiches but that white roll isn't it.
Anyway, I have enough real bagel stores here in NYC so I don't have to buy kraft's idea of a bagel with a schmear.

My how far we have come. Bagels used to be "ethnic" food in this fine country.

I hope the Daily Show will pick up on this!
First there were Jimmy Dean's Sausage in a Pancake Casing, now this!
Fan frickin' tastic!

@Youthier: Man, companies should never get product ideas from Seinfeld episodes.

@IndyJaws: And wraps it with bacon.

Am I the only one that read the opening line for this article and questioned whether Mitch Hedberg had returned and was writing for consumerist?

Somewhere, someone is getting paid to come with these craptacular ideas. America is an amazing place....

These have actually been out for a long time. If any school parent knows, the food orders you can by from a ordering company called Market Day. They had these bagels there in their program. They had the cinnimon ones which i thought were the most amazing things in the world. I could almost eat a whole box of them.

Man you people are a bunch of whiners! You call yourselves consumers??

I'm gonna hold off judgement before actually trying one. Sounds like a cool idea to me.

Some days, I see gorgeous artisan breads and am sincerely sorry I can't eat wheat gluten and enjoy wonderful breads.

Some days, I see stuff like this and... not so much.

To borrow a quote from Water Boy and paraphrase it for myself:

Cream cheese is the devil!

That stuff tears up my digestive tract. That said, frozen bagels are bad enough, but now that Kraft makes them, I'm sure they're even worse. Who wants to bet it's just their frozen pretzel dough without some brown dye?

"It's squaggles! Don't be oppressed by the tyranny of round!"

The end of the world is nigh.

I'll stick with the deep-fried Twinkies.

:O

groosssssss

I wonder if you could get one of those Twinkie kits and make these yourself.

Gross, but not as immoral as Uncrustables, the frozen PB&J sandwiches with the crusts already cut off. What is becoming of this world!?!?

Mcjake - you read my mind

I swear I have seen these before...Bageldogs were a hot dog wrapped in bagel crust.

But nothing beats a made-in-new-york bagel. I've had to bring them with me to relatives in Atlanta.

@Shutaro: Oooo.... maybe with some coke syrup on it

And people wonder why our emergency rooms are overflowing and health insurance costs are rising. I can see people eating these by the boxful. Disgusting.

I don't know about the product, but I love the opening sentence, Ben. Perfect!

Wow, i bet they taste just as great as any other frozen instant food.

Hmmm Fresh bagles with cream cheese or overpriced frozen turds... Oh, Kraft why do you make these choices so hard.