ZOMG. where did that monkey riding the dog picture come from? That's practically good enough to buy a monkey right now.

Get two!

One to name oompa and the other to name loompa.

Monkey Rodeo... Next big thing. Move over squirrel on water skis your 15 minutes are up.

Just don't teach it tae kwon do.

@Adam Hyland: Don't know but they are in all the Taco John's commercials out here.

+ Watch video

What's so wrong about pet monkeys? Are weasels appropriate pets? When I was a teenager, everyone had a ferret. Ferret is a cool name for a polecat, in the weasel family. They were domesticated for hunting but now most countries have outlawed keeping them domestically because feral genetically domesticated ferrets were blamed for eating most of the plants in New Zealand at one time. I am not making this up.

So a monkey bites your kid to the bone. Feh, the kid probably taunted him about the chaps. At least a monkey didn't eat all the plants in New Zealand.

@bohemian: If a monkey sped past me and then I saw that he had placed a burrito in my hand, I would probably not eat that burrito.

Many localities and even some US States make it illegal to own a primate.

sweet jeebus!! i have talked about this so much recently. We just got a puppy and the ONE and only thing i want to do now is to get a monkey. Everyone asks me why. It's obvious: you teach the monkey how to take care of the dog and the stupid goldfish we have. It's like a self-sustaining pet ecosystem.

and here is Whiplash the monkey:

+ Watch video

I really wish people would quit getting some of the non-domesticated animals as pets. It may sound cool to get a panther or a bear until your sued into oblivion when it gets out and mauls someone. Or eats you.
Monkeys are not real docile. More like your crazy friend on crack and tequila.

Saw that monkey in the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo and he was definately the best part of the whole thing. Either way I would LOVE to have a monkey myself :)

www.whiplashrides.com for anyone who is interested.

The only reason why I would have a monkey is so I could train it to be a jewelthief. Tht's about the only way it could pay for itself in any worthwhile fashion. A monkey would be a serious pain in the ass to have as a pet. And I used to have a raccoon as a pet growing up.

@Adam Hyland: That's Whiplash, monkey cowboy and star of many Taco John's commercials. Clearly, I watch too much TV and eat too many fast-food tacos.

[www.whiplashrides.com]

Pray for MoJo

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a monkey.
Haven't you always wanted a monkey?

i had a lesbian aunt who got a monkey and taught it to bite males. it was awesome!

I have ALWAYS wanted a monkey. Scratch that, I've always wanted a Master Criminal Monkey.

How do I get one? How much?

Here's another reason for a monkey "Only a monkey can show you that kind of love":

[vids.myspace.com]

BTW, my grandmother was bitten by a monkey years ago. You may ask, "what 3rd world country was your grandmother in?" and i would respond, "North Carolina."
Her neighbor had a monkey that LOVED giving hugs. So one day my grandmother heads over to the neighbor's house and the monkey jumps on her arm hugging it. My grandmother freaks and tries to shake the monkey off, at which point it sinks his teeth into her arm.

The doctor thought she was insane when she called to find out how to treat a monkey bite.

@bohemian: Yet more people probably have friends on crack and tequila than have monkeys.

I don't know who wrote this, but I always keep a copy with me

I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for 5 cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept smacking themselves in the face. I laughed. Then they smacked my face. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall - although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Stupid cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to use the restroom, but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city is not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they liked them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So, I smacked them in the face.

I like monkeys.

@dondiego87: Nice Grandma's Boy reference =)

I would love a monkey. I would teach it to steal stuff. It could be very lucrative and pay for itself in about a year.

We had a spider monkey , and while they are awesomely fun to have , they have quirks that are embarrassing to say the least , mine had a crush on my sister in law and would "give it a tug" everytime he seen her ,but she was forever eating sunflower seeds so maybe he thought she was compatible .
Kept it for 2 years, but in the end decided we just didnt have the time to train him, and diapers get expensive !

A friend of mine did housecleaning for a guy who owned a squirrel monkey. He kept it confined to one large double room in the house that had a degree of rankness depending on how clean the cage was. The diaper was cute, but she quit when the monkey realized it doubled as a handy place to store poo to throw at her when she ran the vacuum. She said it's messier than her three children.

An ex-coworker of mine also bought a (Capuchin?) "helper" monkey. It cost $25K just to train it to interact with colored dots around the house to make it do a variety of tasks.

Isn't that quite a bit of cash for a "novelty" that will wear off at some point during the 30+ years you'll be owning it?

"The only reason you have a monkey as a pet is to train it to do cool things."

So, living things exist only for your amusement?

Well then... when We, the Alien Overlords, take over the Earth, I think I will buy you and teach you to do funny tricks.

@cronick: And we'll throw our poo at you.

@humphrmi: And, how's that any different than now?

@cronick: There are no Alien Overlords.

Dance Monkey Dance!

but not a real monkey, that's cruel@Buran:

@Buran: I got my picture taken with a monkey on the beach and now I desperately want one. They are so cool! They have fingernails instead of claws!

@godawgs7: She probably should've just hugged the monkey back. When it comes to pet monkeys, damn skippy I blame the victim. That's how we roll here in the comment threads at the Consumerist.

I'd train mine to respond to receipt check protest blogging

Monkeys are great until they start throwing shit or jacking off all over the place.

isn't it illegal to own some monkey species? Since they are protected as endangered species.

I can't wait to eat that monkey.

@cronick: So, living things exist only for your amusement?

Yes, exactly!

when We, the Alien Overlords, take over the Earth, I think I will buy you and teach you to do funny tricks.

I, for one, welcome our new Alien overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

@Chris Walters: You'd at least want to make sure he wasn't holding the burrito in his poo-flinging hand.

@bohemian: Sounds like someone who has never had a glass of mojito mixed by a monkey butler.

You could have written this article a lot quicker and better, had you simply followed the headline with a "Yes."

I just left Manila last week and when I was at the pet market (I bought a purebreed Seal Point Siamese for 50 bucks!!) they had a couple monkeys for 90 dollars US and a mongoose for 85 USD.

My Friend Ross had a pet monkey, but he had to give it to a zoo cuz it got mean. Then it starred in a movie!

@TinyBug:

Yes. You will all make a fine monkey-slaves. I think I will replace your sculls with clear acrylic domes so I can see what you are thinking.

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!

@kittenfoo:

Now there's a naught little monkey that needed spanked.

@cronick:
Just so long as you leave our skulls alone.

@humphrmi: Actually, the wild ferrets were deliberately introduced to New Zealand to help control the rabbit population, another non-native species introduced by short-sighted Europeans. However, the ferrets weren't content to just eat rabbits and also started decimating the bird and small rodent populations. This is an argument that's used to keep the California ferret ban in places, even though it doesn't apply (domesticated ferrets, Mustela putoris furo, are a different species and are as likely to be prey as predators in the American ecosystem).

They are obligate carnivores and would have no effect on the plants. And far from "most countries" banning ferret ownership, they are common pets throughout the EU, Japan, Brazil, etc. Australia and NZ are really the only exceptions where they are out and out banned.

Why I had to post this: [www.xkcd.com]

@WV.Hillbilly: Same with boyfriends.

His reasoning is sound: "They are ridiculously awesome and having one as a pet would be even more awesome."

Stuart is a retard who is not ready for the responsibility of pet ownership, much less exotic animal ownership. No, that's an insult to the developmentally challenged. Stuart makes them look like Einstein.

I am sure the comment about his reasoning being sound is snarky, but in case it isn't, you're are retarded as he is.

I wouldn't trust Stuart to take care of a sea monkey, never mind a living, breathing, scratching, masturbating, biting and shit throwing monkey. Owning an animal because it would be awesome is a sure sign that you are not ready for the responsibility. If you adopt animals that you are not ready to take care of, you are effectively being cruel to the animal. There's no room for that.

Stuart should do what everyone in his tribe who wants a monkey to f with does. Find a woman and make kids. Same thing.

I saw Whiplash the Rodeo Monkey years ago, it was cute.

@El Daveo: You, sir, have made my night. Thank you.

The one reason not to get a monkey:

Herpes B.

Nasty.

Yeah, my husband was obsessed with getting a pet monkey for a while. Information like this dissuaded him:

[primatesanctuary.tripod.com]
[exoticpets.about.com]

best article ever on consumerist. ever.

@cronick: Yes. It is a fact that living things exist in my home only for my amusement. Why else would I permit their continued existence?