Consumerist
A man in Virginia who apparently likes to record suspicious phone calls captured a very funny 10-minute talk with the world's clumsiest phisher who called his house trying to get his bank account number. His local news station reports, "Howard says he recorded it because he wanted to help people by putting it on the news."
A man in Virginia who apparently likes to record suspicious phone calls Update: A lot of people were having trouble with the linked wma file, so we've got the full audio after the jump.
We love this call partly because of the war of accents, with Howard Beasley's slow Virginia drawl going head-to-head against what sounds like a young Indian man— we like to pretend Howard is a cartoon basset hound and the phisher is a cartoon weasel.
Howard Beasley told the caller he was being recorded, but the man didn't hang up.Another brilliant moment: about three and a half minutes in, his wife calls out, "Who are you talking to!?" right after he tells the guy he has a 357. Then she starts yelling at the scammer that her husband has a heart condition. We're pretty sure the scammer had no idea what he was in for when he called this number.The caller said, "I'm a representative of the United States Banking commission and by mistake we took $481 out of your checking account.", says Howard Beasley.
Howard Beasley started recording.
Howard: The government cannot take money out of your account. So I know this is nothing but a scam.
For ten minutes, an extremely persistent man tried everything he could think of to get Howard's account number, the man said to give back the money.
Caller: What's your bank account number?
Howard: If you got it out, you've got the number.
Caller: Please verify me your account number.
Howard: No way.
Caller: Please verify me your account number.
Howard: No way.
Caller: You don't want the money? You don't want your money?
Howard: I don't want to be scammed.
Caller: Sir, you are not a scam. You have no right to talk to me like that.
Howard: I can tell you to take the $480 dollars and shove it up your *** that's what I can tell you.The tape continues to roll as the caller spits out Howard's address and threatens to pay him an unwelcome visit.
Caller: I'm just coming within two days with two FBI agents, OK.
Howard: Well, you come down here with two FBI agents.
Howard: I'll have them same two FBI agents on you.
Caller: OK, you just wait and watch. I'm coming within two days.
Howard: Well, you bring 'em here. I've got a 357. I'll put your name on it.
(Thanks to Nicole!)
"Scam Scanner" [WSLS]
(Photos: Weasel: graham; Hounds: Chrys Omori and C Maranon; Goose: ~Sage~)
Comments
"Howard: Well, you bring 'em here. I've got a 357. I'll put your name on it."
I love this so much.
I wish the audio was better. It takes awhile, but you get used to the scammers accent and can understand him better.
Does anyone know what these people would say if you laughed in their face when they told you they took 400 out of your account and there's no way you have 400 in it?
Can we team up this guy and his wife with the Jimmy Dean Sausage Guy? Then make them consumer advocates. Just have them call up companies to argue your case for you. I would pay for that.
I had no idea these people were so persistent.
I can imagine this tactic - which seems childish here - is extremely effective on the elderly.
Scammer with accent is from the United States Banking Commission. Fucking classic.
@SchecterShredder: With all of the outsourcing, is it really that hard to believe?
I wonder if this will be a more common phenomenon thanks to VOIP?
funniest 10 minutes of my day; this guy needs to do Leno
This rocks, this scam will only work if you dont balance your check book and view your checking account on a daily basis. Priceless. "I have a 357. I'll put your name on it"
awesome!!
@smelendez: What would having VOIP have to do with this?
Yaaaaaawn.... it was funny but, why didnt the guy just hang up? I would of as soon as I heard the Indian accent asking me for my account number.
So the scammer can now sue you for illegally taping his conversation without consent.
There should be a decimal in .357, ya'll. [/pedantic]
I would assume the lower costs associated with VOIP vs. regular landline has something to do with it.
That one went right over my head. Why are we pretending she's poultry?
Why don't I get phone calls like this? I'd LOVE to mess with this guy!
@DoctorMD:
Howard Beasley told the caller he was being recorded, but the man didn't hang up.
Um, no. And it depends on the state, but I'm too lazy to look that up since it's already been answered.
@DoctorMD: The guy says several times in the recording that he let the scammer know it was being recorded. At one point the scammer even claims he's recording it himself (so he can sue them for using abusive language) so I doubt he'd be successful suing them.
If the scammer sues, wouldn't he then get arrested for having a scam- he'd kinda have to give his details...
@scoosdad:
VoIP affects this because the rates for VoIP service are substantially lower than rates for standard telephone service. Overseas calls via VoIP are pennies per minute compared to the dollars per minute standard calls can be, which, if a scammer has a high enough hit rate, is worth the price.
@DoctorMD: Beasley told the scammer he was recording.
Wouldn't it make more sense to put his name on the bullet?
@Randal Milholland: Yeah, but I think that's a bad idea to make a threat like that. Isn't it true that in most states threatening to use your weapon when you aren't being immediately threatened itself cause for arrest? Maybe something like "I'll defend myself if you try anything". But he probably was just angry, so I can understand it. Something to think of if this ever happens to you though...
He should've told the scammer he was part of the FBI.
The sad thing is there are people stupid enough to fall for this.
VOIP also facilitates the overseas scammers by giving them a phone number in the United States. They could be anywhere in the world, but there phone number will show up as somewhere in the US. And, if they have a US account, the calls are unlimited.
@scoosdad: I think it may also be easier to record the conversation into a useful format using your computer.
Interesting considering the Indian accent.... I saw a story about a year ago on a Los Angeles TV station (probably ABC) about how these outsourced call centers & development centers are gathering pools of your personal information.
Think about it... every time you call Dell, AT&T, etc... and get Tarbash in Bangalore, he's a button press away from your name, address, phone #, Social Security #, possibly credit card #, etc....
My sister in law works for the FBI and from what I gather at our holiday dinners, there's a VERY large and increasing number of identity theft & white collar crime cases originating from India.
So the question is: when is "cheap" not really so "cheap"?
As long as corporate America is ruled by the almighty dollar, American consumers and workers are lambs for slaughter.
@Rectilinear Propagation: Why? To round out the cast—Howard is a basset hound, the phisher is a weasel, and Howard's wife is a turkey or a goose. It makes more sense if you saw the "Charlotte's Web" cartoon too many times as a kid. And if you live in my head.
@sweetpea12: LOL!! That would have been hilarious!
Would have been infinately better if he put the guy on hold, called the FBI and conferenced in the scammer. He probably would easily have gotten an early morning tv segment out of this.
I"m not saying the electric chair is the *only* response to this...
Reminds me of the guys (and gals) who have fun with the 'Nigerian Embassy' scammers. www.419eater.com is a pretty funny site for that stuff.
Me: Hello
Scammer: Hello, my name is Tim Roberts calling about refunding you some money.
Me: Tim Roberts - Wow, what a stoke of luck - I'm with City Financial and we have a little of $800 we need to you. Can you verify your account information for me.
Scammer: What? I'm suppose to be scamming you.
Me: This is no scam Tim, you know if you give me your credit card number along with the pin number, I will be able to put back the $800 tonight.
Scammer: hangs up....
I love his wife - she's gonna whoop the scammer's ass!
Yeah, howard should totally have assumed different identities throughout the call. "I am from the FBI!".
Five minutes later"
"Do you know who I am? I'm Cher's hairdresser, damnit! YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO CHER'S HAIRDRESSER LIKE THAT."
And on and on.
"As my grandpappy, Old Reliable, used to say... I don't recollect if I've ever mentioned Old Reliable before?"
You know, what is needed here is a list of epithets that would be the most offensive to Indians, sort of like calling a Russian 'uncultured'. Something that really hits them where they live.
I had my job "outsourced" to India in December. I created a new Gmail address for job hunting. I have sent out lots of resumes etc and now am receiving letters like this one:
Dear "redacted"
My name is Andrey Kashtanov.
As Dream House, LCC's top manager I am in charge of our performance
control
and further business development in the US. I am also involved in advising
and attracting new employees. I have reviewed your resume and
believe you have a good chance to receive the position of a Financial
Manager.
Please, read below for more information on our company.
Our company deals in design activity.
We are engaged in project generation of buildings and design of rooms:
- accommodations
- premises
Dream House, LCC started its activity in 1998 and we have customers all
over the world.
For more information please visit the official website of the company:
www.dreamhouselcc.com
Dream House, LCC is located in Moscow, Russia.
Dream House, LCC started its activity in the US market in 2008.
We waged a great advertising campaign and now we have a great number of
American customers,
who are ready to come into line with us.
We get the jump on American design companies:
1. The cost of our service is much lower.
2. Professionals of a wealth of experience work in our company.
That's why we fill the orders professionally and quickly.
But we faced the problem because the US law does not allow doing trade
business in the USA for the following reasons:
The first problem:
All financial services have to take place only in the country.
The customer is not in a position to effect payments for the company that
have no offices in the USA.
Our company is located in Russia that is why the customers are not able to
transfer money directly to Russia.
Under the US law funds must be transferred on the account of the Financial
Manager that is a citizen of the USA.
That is the Financial Manager who is entitled to transfer funds to
Russia.
The second problem: solved
Our company has to be registered in the US tax administration. The company
has already met this condition.
You can fully learn this information from our official website.
Therefore now the employee in the USA is necessary for us and now I want
to offer you this post.
WE ACCEPT WIRE TRANSFER FOR PAYMENT OF OUR SERVICES.
THEREFORE ONE OF THE DUTIES OF THE US FINANCIAL MANAGER IN THE USA.
Also I want to explain to you a situation concerning payment of taxes.
You should not worry concerning payment of taxes from your incomes.
Because you should not pay any taxes from your incomes as you will be
submitted as
" Independent Contractor " and according to the contract which
you sign with our company,
you will be exempted from all taxes.
1. JOB DESCRIPTION
We are looking for a Financial Manager. MAIN DUTIES INCLUDE RECEIVING
PAYMENTS FROM CUSTOMERS.
2. COMPENSATION
Financial Manager will be entitled to 5% of all completed transaction.
The maximum turnover handled by a single manager is limited
by company's policy and is set at $200,000.
Thus the maximum monthly pay will constitute $5,000-10,000.
3. TYPE OF EMPLOYMENT
Agreement
4. TIME COMMITMENT
2-5 hours a week
IMPORTANT
We also have a business proposal for US company owners and managing
directors.
Private US businesses can accept funds from our customers with no
limitations
with a monthly turnover of up to 1 million US dollars.
Their profit is set at 5% of the turnover and may constitute $200,000
monthly.
Please apply if you have a legal running business and interested in this
offer.
A sample of your Employment Agreement will be enclosed in my next e-mail.
Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions.
Yours faithfully,
Personal Manager
Andrey Kashtanov
Work e-mail: kashtanov@dreamhouselcc.com
Personal e-mail: kashtanov.dreamhouse@gmail.com
I'd imagine Randy (of the classic Jimmy Dean sausage fiasco) would have .357 ready for a subcontinental scammer too.
[consumerist.com]
He sounds like Forrest Gump, and he does have the same euphisms as him too
This is freaking gold! Gold Jerry GOLD!
@Chris Walters: Oh!
Wait, shouldn't the scammer be a rat?
*fails to find song regarding fairs being smorgesboards (sp?) on YouTube*
@SchecterShredder: Uhhh, action star with accent is governor of California.
Also this guy sounds like one of the Touchstone Terrorist characters.
@mmcnary: Don't want to get too specific here (i'll get banned for sure), but there is a lot of lingering sensitivity over India's caste system.
Start here: [en.wikipedia.org]
My favorite response when asked for my account number is to being reciting random numbers until the scammer hangs up in frustration.
Scammer: What's your account number?
Me: 8765-9983-1873-5836-3846-0017-3388-9374-QQQQ-1088 etc...
@CuriousO: Why not keep the guy on the phone. That's ten minutes the scammer can't use on someone else who would fall for it. If you got the time, why not??
Is that Slim Pickens? Also, sounds like the guys from Nigeria to me.
@cmdr.sass: Kind of like this
+ Watch video
Sorry, it's the best I could find, but the Q's reminded me of it.
Great show... SNL and the PCSB.