Consumerist
Forever 21 won't let more than one person into a dressing room, a policy that extends to Aldys and her eight-year-old son. We remember being young, climbing things and looking to run away with strangers, so we were surprised that Forever 21 ordered Aldys to leave her child unattended while she tried on clothes. When she refused and brought her son into the dressing room, a manager called security and told Aldys she had thirty seconds to scram. She calls it as "the most embarrassing and humiliating moment of my life."
She sent the following letter to CEO Don Chang and CFO Larry Meyer:
To Whom It May Concern:Responsible parenting or a reasonable anti-shoplifting measure? Tell us in the comments.I am a frequent customer at Forever 21 and have done a lot of shopping at your stores with my eight-year-old son who almost always accompanies me here and at other retail outlets. I have always enjoyed shopping at Forever 21 because of your huge selection of styles, colors and variety of clothing that fits any occasion and the reasonable prices.
I say all this because on February 13, 2008 at about 7:45 pm I experienced the most embarrassing and humiliating moment of my life in one of your stores located at the Providence Place Mall in Providence Rhode Island. I would have never thought that what happened to me yesterday was possible.
I was shopping in your store and needed to try on clothing I had selected. As usual my eight-year-old son accompanied me. I went to the fitting room area with my son and handed the attendant my clothing to be counted. She escorted my son and I to a fitting room. As I was about to enter the room she informed me that my son would have to wait outside the fitting room area. I was in complete shock and refused to leave my son unattended in the main area of your store or anywhere else in the store. I told her that I would not leave him unsupervised and brought him in the dressing room with me.
After trying on two pair of pants there was a loud bang on my door and a manager told me that only one person was allowed in the fitting room and one of us had to exit immediately. At this point I became extremely upset, as any person would, never have I been told to leave my son unattended in order to try on clothing. I shop in many different places and was never told that my son could not accompany me in the fitting room. I told the manager that I would not let my son leave the room unless it was with me and I had to get dressed before exiting the fitting room. At this point they called security and stated that I had thirty seconds to exit the room.
I was utterly humiliated and embarrassed as well as very upset. I left the fitting room without tying my shoes and my son had to witness this whole ordeal. It was utterly humiliating and embarrassing. I have never been treated in such a horrible manner by anyone in my life. My son was afraid and felt like he did something wrong. I refused to be escorted out of the store by security and the verbal assault by your employees attracted the attention of all the customers and other store employees.
I only have the names of the two managers who were accosting me: Felix and Tracy. I don't know the name of the attendant. Had I followed the irresponsible and unprofessional demands of the attendant and managers and left my son alone, something terrible could have happened to him and you would have caused my family irreparable and devastating harm and/or loss. Something any company should prevent and avoid causing, even the suggestion of such. My son is only EIGHT years old and would never need to be left alone with a stranger or in any public place.
Sincerely,
Aldys
(Photo: Getty)
Comments
Don't shop at Forever 21 anymore and why are you changing in front of your 8 year old son again?
Does anyone else think it is wrong for her to be changing in front of her 8 yo? I went to mall a lot with my mom when I was a kid and waited outside the dressing room and nothing happened to me.
Their behavior was definitely ridiculous and uncalled for, and I can see why she was humiliated. I get the rule about one person in the dressing room, but every rule has its exceptions.
That being said...I find it a bit odd that this woman tries on clothes in front of her 8-year-old son. 2, 3, maybe 4...okay. But 8 is a bit old for mom to be taking her clothes off in front of him. She could have him stand right outside her dressing room and talk to him to be sure he doesn't walk away and get into trouble. If this was a man wanting to bring his 8-year-old daughter into a changing room...what would this woman think of that?
This reminds me of this one time I was at the mall -- true story. I had just bought a drink, and as I approached the door of one store, a clerk promptly told me that I am not allowed in the store with the drink. Funny thing is, instead of being in complete shock and insisting on going into the store with my drink anyway, I went shopping in another store that didn't mind. :P
If that was the most embarrassing and humiliating moment of Aldys' life, she hasn't been trying hard enough. I mean, my freshman year of high school I had at least a dozen most embarrassing and humiliating moments of my life, and some of them didn't even involve alcohol.
As for the heavy-handed rules enforcement by Forever 21, add them to the list of stores that I will never shop at. Never ever ever!
You know what's worse?
Let's travel to a hypothetical universe where a woman goes into a Forever 21 with a 8-year-old she snatched quickly outside the store from an inattentive parent.
If you don't agree with the store policy, don't shop there.
I used to go shopping with my mom when I was younger and me and my younger brother used to just wait outside in the chair, by the way I was 7 and he was 4. I still see a chair or a couch outside department stores dressing rooms. If my mom would have asked us to go in with her I would have freaked!!! why would I want to see my mom get dressed? I guess we know that she has attachment issues or maybe her son is handicapped? Either way is not like she was going to leave him outside of a dark alley.
...most embarrassing and humiliating moment of my life...
Being kicked out of a store is the most embarrassing moment of her life? She must have a pretty boring life.
And also, if her son were younger, I'd agree with her that she should have her son with her. But he's 8, it's for his own good to not have to see mommy change her clothes.
Why not buy the clothing you felt you'd like, try them on at home and return the ones you don't care for.
And try admitting that having a child forces you to constrain your behavior (in this case abiding by STORE POLICY.)
@NoNamesLeft: I agree - creeps me out too.
10 bucks says this kid was breast feed till he was 5 and is going to have severe mommy issues later in his life..... Norman Bates anyone?
Responsible parenting all the way. Very POORLY thought-out policy on the store's part.
If the store requires patrons to leave children unattended outside their dressing rooms and something - anything - happens to that child, the store is expressly accepting liability for the child's welfare during that time. Is that what they really want? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say "no"... but that's the condition they've created.
And if there's no remorse about the policy, it's time to find another clothing merchant to frequent. Vote with your dollars and go elsewhere.
They could have just said they understood her concerns and offered to have an employee supervise the kid while she was changing. A little empathy never hurt anyone...
Or I guess she could have left the moment they told her the policy, and tried on clothes elsewhere.
Apparently, some of you have reading comprehension issues. She originally wanted her son to wait in the fitting area outside the changing rooms. The attendant said that was unacceptable so she brought him into the changing room. It was at this point the attendant summoned the managers.
That said, I would have just left the clothing and done my shopping elsewhere rather than bring my 8yo into the changing room.
I am torn on this as well. I can understand a parent's concern about leaving a child unattended. On the other hand, there is a major creep-factor associated with a mother doing a strip-tease in front of her 8-year old son.
On a side note, her son's name is Oedipus.
I think the managers' behavior in this case in not acceptable, and I'm interested to see what the company's response is.
As for changing in front of her 8-year old son, everybody's ideas of what is and is not appropriate are different. My parents raised me not to be ashamed of my body or anyone else's, so this doesn't freak me out one bit. If *YOU* have a problem with it, don't change in front of your children. But don't tell anyone else they should be ashamed of something like that.
@BugMeNot2:
What does your story have to do with the OP? She is concerned about her child's safety and she isn't being over-reactive in her idea of security.
The 1-person rule is a good one to have as a standard practice but, as Spryte said, every rule has its exceptions.
That said, I personally did not have my daughters accompany me into dressing rooms when they were 8. I had them stay just outside the door and we talked to each other while I was changing. If I were to have my daughters come into the dressing room for whatever reason (too much foot traffic or just some other uneasy feeling) surely they would have faced away from me if I had to strip down to my skivvies.
Forever 21 is just being ruled by 'Follow the rules and don't think' people.
What's with people getting all suspicious about mom trying on a pair of pants in front of an eight-year-old? It's not like she's putting in a tampon in front of him. Why do people have to hate on family? If your mommy didn't love you enough to take care of you, well, it's probably because you were bad.
I'm sorry, the kid is eight. By the subject line, I was guessing it would be about a mother and a 4 year old or something. I would NEVER go into the dressing room with my mother past 4 or 5..I would usually end up just pacing around the area outside and that was fine with me. I wonder if the store's response would have been the same if it was an 8 year old girl and not a male.
No No No! The issue is not "is she a fit mother for letting her son watch her try on some clothes?" or "she's nuts if she doesn't want to leave her son alone in a big confusing store full of strangers like my mom did back in 1953". And "Uncle Bob", how about a child being snatched from in front of a changing room while his/her mother is out of sight and hearing due to some store manager's power trip? The issue is why did the employees of this store do everything they could to rob her of her dignity? If they thought some thing creepy was going on, I hope they would have called the police. It's obvious that they have a policy in place to try to cut down on shoplifting, and someone decided to use it to humiliate someone. And before someone starts saying "yeah, oh yeah, she could have been stuffing clothes in her child's backpack" or whatever, remember if they thought she was shoplifting, THEY SHOULD CALL THE POLICE! This is not security. It is not customer service. It is not "store policy" to tell a mother and child that they have "30 seconds" to get out.
The policy seems like it could have some potential problems like someone helping another person who is disabled. Target had a similar problem if I remember.
If it was a much younger child in question the policy seems even more stupid.
But I agree with everyone else that having your 8 year old son in the dressing room is a tad creepy. At that age they should be able to wait in a chair (most stores have them) and create a scene if someone tried to haul them off.
This all begs another question. Why are you taking your young kid with you clothes shopping?
I don't understand why people put themselves in this position. When the attendant told her that her son couldn't go in with her, she should have handed the attendant the clothes she was going to try on and told her that she couldn't leave her son unattended and therefore wouldn't be patronizing the store anymore.
Instead, she puts herself in a bad position, possibly traumatizes her son, and then writes a letter mentioning how embarrassed and humiliated she was (three times in the same letter no less).
People need to learn to walk away rather than insist on having things their way. She tempted fate and paid a price.
She was informed of the rules, and chose to break them. She didn't agree with the rule, leave. And I find it rediculous to change infront of an 8 year old.
Look, we live in a messed up world nowadays. When I was a kid my mom wouldn't have wanted me anywhere near the changing room, but nowadays you can't be too careful (sadly). And who the heck cares whether an 8 year old sees mommy put on some pants. It's not like she was trying on bathing suites or lingerie.
It's a stupid store policy and just one more example of stupid people thinking they have more power than they can be trusted with.
@sleze69: She's very clearly not doing a striptease. She's not trying on bras; the kid's not seeing any more than he would at a beach. Agree completely with the OP here; Forever 21 really wants to be directly responsible if her kid gets abducted because of their policy? Are they on drugs?
It's not the store's policy to dictate what it considers appropriate parenting, nor should it.
Of course, the whole "if you don't like the store don't shop there" attitude makes sense, ONCE YOU KNOW ABOUT THE POLICY.
The manager's behavior was inexcusably rude.
Her son is almost middle school-aged and she's bringing him into the changing room with her? And she does this regularly? That's morbid.
Parenting aside, if a mother feels the need to bring her child into the fitting room to ensure their safety, I agree that it's pretty crappy for the store to deny her.
The store is free to exercise policy as they see fit. Would you still argue if it was a 12 year old son, or a 20 year old son?
@rdm24: Umm... she was informed of the policy, *then* chose to ignore it. You're right though, it's not the stores job to dictate what's appropriate parenting. Likewise, it's not a random customer's job to dictate what's an appropriate store policy.
@MBZ321: Better question, what if it was a guy and a 8-year-old girl?
I don't agree that the store is going to be held responsible for the welfare of her son if they tell her it's store policy that he can't go in the dressing room with her. They give her that information; if she abandons her kid in the store as a result, that's her choice.
She doesn't have to go into the dressing room; it's not an emergency. If I go to a bar, their policy is likely that I can't bring an eight-year-old in with me. If I say, "You leave me no choice but to leave my child alone in the parking lot so I can go inside and have a margarita," and that's what I choose to do, I can't sue them if someone snatches my child from the parking lot just because they didn't let me bring my kid in the bar. I have the choice of not going in the bar; she has the choice of not going in the dressing room.
I agree that this policy is not very smart, was enforced inflexibly, and suggests poor management. But I also think she has an overblown sense of entitlement and has overreacted wildly. Her kid was in no danger unless she chose to place him there.
@rdm24:
For what it's worth, I don't believe the store's intention had any relation to parenting. I suspect it intended to help prevent shoplifting in some way.
What is the purpose of the one-person rule anyway?
@smirky: The point of my story is that she was told of the store policy, and instead of following it or leaving the store, she insisted on taking her child into the dressing room anyway. See?
@hoosier45678: They got tired of having to clean up after frisky couples >_>
WTF people. She's trying on shirts, not diaphragms. The kid's not gonna be fucked up by the sight of his mommy's naked belly.
@muddgirl: Pants not shirts.
Some 8-year-olds are more immature than others and so I understand if a mom wants doesn't want her 8-year-old son to wait outside on his own. She's just trying on a shirt, not getting a Pap smear!
When the attendant told her the policy precluded her bringing her son into the changing room with her, she should have walked out. She chose to ignore the attendant, and then there was an embarrasing incident.
I agree that leaving an 8 year old alone is something I wouldn't be comfortable with. The store has a right to set policy, but she has a right not to shop there.
@Jim (The Canuck One): Forever 21's policy is no returns allowed, only store credit with a receipt and the tags on. It's pretty harsh.
If her child is so young and helpless, she should not be taking him shopping. Leave the child at home with a sitter. Children do not like being dragged into clothing stores any more than shoppers like them screaming, and running all over the place. Stores are not playgrounds, they are a places of business.
I also agree that it is a bit odd that this woman is changing in front of her eight year old, but that is beside the point. If she believes that her child should be attended to at all times, then it is her right as a parent to see that he is kept with her, especially in a crowded place. However, if it is the stores policy that there is only one person per dressing room, she needs to follow those rules, or take her business elsewhere. The child is not an infant, she could easily have given him some clothes to tuck away, and walk out of the store without paying for them. She does not deserve special treatment just because she brought a child into the store.
Isn't this the same store just reported to be owned and runned by Christians? Why couldn't the boy just stand right outside the door? Usually the dressing room doors don't go all the way to the floor, so the mom could have seen her son's feet. He doesn't really belong in there with her, anyway.
@ThumpinD: Since people still cant seem to grasp what happened in spite of your comment ill try and help them out too. She was told she couldnt leave her son in the changing AREA. Thats the big room with lots of doors. She then decided to bring her son into the changing ROOM. Thats the little room with one door you change in. I know its really hard to grasp but read it a few times and maybe you can understand.
@RobinB:
Its up to the parent to decide what's right for her child.
The store's policy didn't work for her, so she should have left.
@ShariC: She said she had done it several times before, however. One thing that pisses me off more than stupid policies is selective enforcement. Either it IS a rule, or it ISN'T. Apparently from past experiences, they gave her plenty good reason to believe it WASN'T.
To avoid young mens' awkward feelings, they shouldn't share changing rooms with their mothers after, say age ten. They should share the changing rooms of their friends' mothers.
Seriously, another two lives ruined by watching too much local TV news. I suppose she only lets her kids play within her eyesight for fear of goblins or swarthy men. I pity this generations' kids. Really do.
She has the right to be treated with respect in a public place and again, this is not a blog about parenting. If the store manager thought something creepy was going on, he should have called the police. You people asking "uh, like why was she taking her kid shopping with her" are not parents, women, or people who have to work for a living.
Dashrashi beat me to it.
OP mentioned trying on pants not thongs and silk stockings. Get over it, people.
Is she supposed to teach her children to be ashamed of their bodies? I suppose she should also rush their toilet training so that they can grow up to be anal retentive tightasses who feel the need to push their values on others.