Vandals Ruining Perfectly Good Pastries By Smearing Them All Over Cars In Oregon

As responsible consumers, we feel that the waste of delicious food in order to wreak havoc on others is a downright waste, if not a crime against cuisine. You have to respect the stuff we eat — there’s a reason your parents told you not to play with your food. Respect. Also, it’s gross.

We’re looking at you, vandals smearing pastries all over Hillsboro, Ore. Maple bars, doughnuts and other pastries have fallen at the hands of n’er do-wells who have been leaving the food smashed on cars and littering yards.

Other foods have also been sacrificed, reports the Associated Press: One woman has reported more than a dozen incidents of food-on-car mischief this month, while another told cops her car has been victimized six times: “twice with a maple bar, once with a cinnamon doughnut, once with pink yogurt, once with “bread soaked in a white slimy liquid” and once with red potato salad.”

The horror.

Police think those pesky kids are probably behind it, and are responding with extra patrols.

“In my 25 years in police services, I have never investigated or seen a criminal mischief involving pastries,” a police lieutenant admitted to The Oregonian.

Let’s hope you spend another 25 years without seeing this again, sir.

*Thanks for the tip, Dennis!

Vandals smear Hillsboro cars with maple bars [Associated Press]