Man Suing Unilever After Toothpaste Failed To Help Him Attract All The Single Ladies

toothpastenogoCan’t get a date with any pretty singles after seven years of flashing your best and brightest smile? Maybe it’s not your personality or your antique doll collection hanging out on your bed. One man blames his string of dating strikeouts on Close-Up toothpaste’s failure to attract women, and is suing the product’s manufacturers as a result.

Yes, this is a real thing that is actually happening, according to various reports, including one from AZCentral.com.

The 26-year-old man filed the lawsuit against Unilever Nigeria Limited, saying its ads for the toothpaste — which show women getting all hot and bothered after a dude brushes his teeth — are deceptive and false. Because he’s still single, despite using Close-up for seven years.

In his suit he claims “no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my breath. I always brush my teeth with so much close up gel to make sure the girls get turned on by my fresh breath as they usually show on TV.”

As evidence in the case, he’s submitting all of his tubes of toothpaste — the used, the half-used and those he has yet to use — as evidence.

The lonely life he’s living due to lack of help from the toothpaste has left him feeling “cheated” and in a state of “mental anguish.”

A word of advice for this fella? Maybe try cruising through dentists’ waiting rooms? Toothy grins usually go over well there.

Lawsuit: Toothpaste didn’t get me any women [AZCentral.com]

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  1. kjh says:

    I’m sure his not getting any dates is not in anyway tied to the fact that he is the kind of person that saves all of his toothpaste tubes for the last 7 years. And there must be a lot of them based on how much he claims to use each time he brushes.

  2. C0Y0TY says:

    You’ll get more dates by brushing your teeth than if you don’t. The same with other areas of personal grooming, which I wonder whether he’s given as much attention.