If You Were Ever A Teenage Boy, You Know This Amazon Review For Tissues Speaks The Truth

Ah, satire. You might not be the honest to goodness truth when it comes down to it, but at the same time you are often more honest than the alternative. To wit: A review for Kleenex Facial Tissues entitled “A Mother’s Struggle” might be written by an actual mother of three teenage boys, but it will cut you to the quick with its realness.

While I’ve never been a teenage boy (I did grow up with three brothers, so I’m not unfamiliar with their kind) it’s not too difficult to imagine the very real pain a mother might experience at having to keep her home supplied with tissues.

We’re just gonna let this Amazon review by Top 1,000 reviewer (and children’s author) James O. Thach speak for itself. It just popped up on Reddit, where it bounced over from UHPinions.com:

“I want to start this off by thanking Kleenex for selling these in 36-packs. I’ve put it on subscription, and if they want to start selling a 72-pack, sign me up. I have three reasons for needing this much Kleenex, and their names are Liam, Samuel and Hank,” writes the struggling “mom,” who adds that the Kleenex is the first to go, followed by toilet paper and inevitably, fabrics.

“And you don’t want it to get there, unless you’re ready to invest in a five gallon drum of Fabreeze,” she notes.

Wait… is she talking about — Yes. There you go. You’ve got the gist.

“This used to be a good Christian home. But it’s not about moral judgment anymore. I’m way beyond that,” laments the reviewer, who, of course, at one point was actually once a teenage boy. “I’m in survival mode. If I don’t supply absorbent paper products, I’m going to find my dish towels hidden in the basement, stiff as aluminum. The other day, I almost cut my hand on a sock. I am sorry to speak so frankly, but with three teenage boys, a woman has got to be practical.”

Satirical Amazon reviews: Providing a voice for fictional parents everywhere since [insert year someone first thought to write a satirical Amazon review].

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  1. Reimu says:

    ha ha ha le masturbation XD lol

  2. Thorzdad2 says:

    That review wins the Internet.

  3. DyinMyelin says:

    I’m a female and I guess I won’t be having kids this go round, but why not just use the shower drain? Lots of friction reducing options like soap, shampoo, and water, and you save money on tissues.

    • EducationalGeek says:

      You forget that we’re talking about boxes of Kleenex. To do as you suggest you’d waste more water than it is worth. Keep the Kleenex thing going, your shower drain will thank you.

    • MarthaGaill says:

      It’s my understanding that once that stuff hits water, it congeals and clogs the drain like nobody’s business.