Why Is Kraft So Darn Secretive About Its Bacon Planning?

You should know better, Kraft Foods, than to put a job that relates to bacon out there on the Internet and then not have answers for us when we inevitably come knocking. Because while yes, it seems to be a simple customer sales planning job — but it’s for bacon. Just bacon. Nothing else.

A job listing posted by a friend* on Facebook which may or may not be specifically for the Oscar Meyer brand elicited exactly the response one might expect from a bacon lover, which was, “PLEASE TELL ME MORE!”

On the face of it, Customer Sales Planner, Bacon has all the basic requirements listed — education, experience — as well as the responsibilities that come along with it. There’s working with people to do brand strategy stuff, being a sales lead for cross functional whathaveyou, and all the other businessy stuff.

But of course, we had some pressing questions for Kraft. Along the lines of:

1. Does the ideal applicant have to exhibit a proven love of bacon?
2. How much bacon can the candidate expect to come into contact with on a daily basis?
3. Will the worker be required to eat bacon?
4. Are the bacon jobs the most popular in terms of applicants?

And there would’ve been more we could’ve dreamed up to ask, and indeed, noted that we’d love to talk to someone at length about bacon. But after submitting these questions to the Kraft media relations team via their website, there were only crickets, and they weren’t singing songs of bacon. So we emailed directly to make sure the bacon questions hadn’t gotten lost and only received this response:

“Both requests have been received. Thanks.”

Okay, Kraft. The baconbee is firmly in my bonnet. This seems to be a very secretive operation and I will believe that until proven otherwise.

*Thanks to Brendan for finding the bacon!