All those nights lying awake, wondering where Nicolas Cage is, what he’s doing, how his dreams are unfolding, and wishing you could be slumbering cheek-to-cheek aren’t hopeless, after all. Because beyond any human reasoning we can summon forth, there are pages and pages of pillowcases featuring the star of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

This stunning, staggering amount of Amazon search results for “Nicolas Cage pillowcase” may have forever escaped our attention were it not for the all-seeing eyes of Twitter. In this case, Dan Stewart of The Week:

Lest you think this is a simple feat for any popular actor, think again. Tom Cruise pillowcase search results? Only 46, compared to Cage’s 67. And they don’t even all have Cruise’s mug on them.

And not a one has a creepy message from Cage promising to see you while you’re sleeping. Heck, there aren’t any pillowcases with Leonardo DiCaprio’s face on them, despite that whole heartthrob era he went through. Vin Diesel? Zero. Brad Pitt? Only one result — and it’s actually a three-faced display of Channing Tatum.

Life is a mystery. Nicolas Cage is a mystery. We’re just going to have to chalk it up to the unknown being unknowable. Sweet dreams, everyone.

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