Anyone Who’s Ever Been In A Quiche Standoff Knows It Takes At Least 5 Hours

I can’t even believe that I have to write this because it should be common knowledge by now: When someone’s trying to steal a quiche, the ensuing imbroglio with law enforcement will take at least four hours, if not the more common five. Quiche is delicious and so worthy of a battle! So why is it so surprising that police in England are reporting a five-hour standoff with suspected quiche thieves?

Hope your sarcasm hats were firmly on and I apologize if you didn’t know about quiche thievery and how it usually goes down in the world. It’s true though, it’s really true — allegedly, of course — that cops say men broke into a cafe in Northumberland looking for some chow, reports The Telegraph.

Police showed up to foil the dastardly deeds, however, and surrounded the premises. The very hungry raiders armed themselves with knives at that point, say cops, and settled in for a five-hour siege.

“Apparently they were hungry and wanted some quiche,” said the cafe’s owner, who must now believe she makes the best darn quiche in the land, if it’s worth that kind of effort. “There was a little bit of money in the till, but I think they just wanted food and then it got out of hand.”

After cops called her at 1 a.m. saying there had been a break-in, she arrived on the scene to find 15 police cars. Eventually, police talked the two suspected quiche robbers out of the cafe, and they were arrested on suspicion of aggravated burglary (or is that egg-ravated?).

Quiche thieves in five-hour police siege [Telegraph]