If there’s one thing we know about or Consumerist readers, it’s that you like to make yourselves laugh, and by extension, the rest of us. Last week’s call for more hilarious Amazon product reviews was more than heeded — our cup basically overfloweth and by cup of course we mean the tipline. Keep’em coming, and enjoy this fresh round of chuckles for the time being.
Todd may or may not have bought the Aquasentials Long Handle Bath Brush (Clear Handle) but hey, if there are leprechauns involved, it could be worth a shot:
What can you say about a shower brush?: Turns out, quite a lot actually. I was using this brush to scrub my back and it felt really nice, and then the most amazing thing happened. A magical leprechaun appeared before me! I think it was because the brush handle was green, and I was using it with Irish Spring soap on St Patrick’s Day.
Anyway, the leprechaun said I got 3 wishes. My first wish was for my own velociraptor. He was great. I named him “Eaty” because he loved eating. Unfortunately he ate a bunch of people in my neighborhood, some of them children, so I had to use my second wish to get rid of him, and my third so I would not get in trouble for it. But still, it was awesome.
Jay points out this review for Stache Bomb Stache Wax- Moustache Wax From Maine which lets it be known that the art on the product cover of a lady astride on a rocket with facial hair can be taken, well, literally:
Did you stumble upon this product while browsing amazon for marital aids? I sure did! I was instantly attracted to the artwork on the tin; come on, who doesn’t love a mustache ride? Frankly, I didn’t know a product like this was necessary, because I had always relied on a new stick of chapstick every few days. It may seem like an expensive way to do things, but if you are like me and get monthly flare-ups from the gift that keeps giving (herps) its like killing 2 birds with one stone.
Leigh doesn’t need this product but that doesn’t mean she can’t laugh over a review for Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200ml
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus’s birthday as a bit of a treat.
In the market for a cheap way to say “I love you, let’s spend the rest of our lives together?” If so, Mark found the reviews for this Brilliant Cut Clear Cubic Zirconia Solitaire 3mm Band Sterling Silver Ring quite helpful:
Having to get married was bad enough, but no way was I going to shell out the long green for a relationship I wasn’t even sure was going to last. So when I found out $7.99 was all I had to cough up to quiet down my old lady and lock in a cush job at her Dad’s cardboard box factory, it didn’t take me long to pop the ol’ question. Criminy, I spent more on the dinner at Bennigans than I did for the ring.
Drones are in the news quite a bit these days, which is perhaps why S.T. found reviews for the Fresh Metal Tailwinds RD-1 Predator Drone 1:87 Scale Die Cast Aircraft with Display Stand apropos. Or just funny:
Everywhere I turn I find news story after news story about drones becoming common place in our lives. While I worry about the intrusion of privacy, I also know that the poor and huddled masses have no business yearning to be free on my land! That’s when I summoned my loyal assistant, Preston, to order as many drones as necessary to provide 24/7 coverage of the entire estate. We decided that we’d need 7 to keep up three racetrack patterns at 7500 AGL. Our thinking was that at Amazon’s low price, we could afford that many and if they proved more reliable than we estimated, we could always sell 1 or 2 on the black market. Given the smaller than expected dimensions, we didn’t even have to modify the squash court to act as a launch and recovery point.
Look for more of these next week, and send any submissions you have in the meantime to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line FUNNY AMAZON REVIEWS.