These Amazon Reviews Might Not Sell Any Products But They Sure Make Us Giggle

So much lube. So. Much. Lube.

So much lube. So. Much. Lube.

A few weeks ago we had a couple chuckles over a round-up of hilarious Amazon product reviews, those bits of tongue-in-cheek humor and working of words through the medium of comedy are, in most cases, more of a reward than whatever the product being sold is. We asked you, dear readers, to rustle up a few of your favorites, and hoooo boy, did you come through.

John submitted the review section for a 55-gallon bottle of lube for only $1,288.85. One of our recent favorites:

As a Fertility Specialist for Pachyderms, this was exactly what we needed to help rebuild elephant populations all over sub-saharan africa. It’s not all just Medications and IVF treatments. Some times you need a loudspeaker, a Barry White CD and a 55 Gallon drum of Lube.

Susan is a fan of The Snotsucker nose aspirator, writing that she gives them as shower gifts. But beyond their practicality, they also provide amusement in the reivews:

if i was a professional booger sucker…and it was my job to suck the snot out of noses 8 hours a day, i would insist on using this thing. but i would want a longer tube, and a holster.

Gabe thought one particular review for Mothers Hardcore Enthusiast Car Care Kit would tickle our fancy and wondered if anyone says that anymore. They do, Gabe, they do. And one of the best bits:

So I went to my room, threw on my prescription pants and my three wolves howling at the moon shirt (in case there were any ladies along the way…we have an open marriage seeing as how she don’t get out much anymore till we can get that bigger door installed), and set out on my journey to the only logical place that I think of to show off this stunning work touched by the hand of God himself…the [local]Wal*Mart.

And speaking of a Three Moons Wolf shirt, Kris and Keith both sent this puppy in, with a review by none other than George Takei (or someone using his name):

This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn’t walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, “Hey, you’re that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren’t you?” Even if I wore sunglasses, I’d still get mistaken for Yoko Ono.

But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, “Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He’s sooooooo dreamy.”

Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is.

Look for more of these next week, and send any submissions you have in the meantime to tips@consumerist.com with the subject line FUNNY AMAZON REVIEWS.