If you’re at work (get back to work!) or somewhere else that you can’t watch YouTube or listen to audio, here’s a transcript of the first half of the spot:
Hi. We’re your local high-speed Internet and cable provider. Are you looking for a fast, reliable Internet connection? A large selection of your favorite HD-TV channels? With 24/7 access to the best customer support technicians? All at a fair price?
Fuck you. You’ll take what we give you.
You’ll have the option of “choosing from several of our completely unwarranted rip-offs, including Internet speeds up to 200 times slower than Korea, at twice the price, TV packages with 500 channels, 90% of which you can’t view, and we guarantee a plethora of hidden fees. Then, our barely-trained technicians will come to install your services somewhere between the hours of 8 AM and 10 PM, knock once while you’re in the shower, and promptly leave.
It continues from there. Now that you’re all riled up against telecoms, you have an hour and a half left to vote in the Comcast vs. DirecTV round of our Worst Company in America tournament.
The First Honest Cable Company [Extremely Decent Films] (Thanks, Lenny!)