Still Want Twinkies? Move To Canada

Like walking through the wardrobe to Narnia, crossing the border into Canada transports you into a land where Twinkies and Wonder Bread are in full supply, without any imminent fear of vanishing.

See, while stateside talks between management and striking workers at Hostess Brands have turned sour, signaling a future without treats so sugary you can hear the crystals crunch with each bite, the Hostess Twinkie and CupCake brands are safe and sound with our neighbors to the north, with that country’s largest dairy processor owning the rights to — and manufacturing — those products.

A rep for Saputo Inc. confirms to Reuters that “It’s totally separate… We own the rights in Canada so what’s happening in the U.S. doesn’t affect us.”

On a less thrilling note, fans of Wonder Bread can still get the whiter-than-white sandwich slices from Canada, as the brand is owned, manufactured and distributed by George Weston Ltd., Canada’s largest food manufacturer.

Meanwhile, we expect to start hearing about Cessnas air-dropping crates of Twinkies into the Great Lakes for U.S.-based profiteers to pick up in the dead of night and bring back to port with high-speed motorboats.

Thanks to Trapper for the tip!