So you’re a reporter for the CBS station in San Francisco and you get assigned to do a story about some local massage parlor that charges $350/session to slap customers’ faces into shape. Meanwhile, there’s an intern who is probably dying for some on-camera time. It’s like peanut butter meeting chocolate… and then getting slapped.

The parlor owner claims the slap-happy massage isn’t just someone taking out their aggression on your mug. Instead, it’s secret technique “from ancient Thai wisdom that’s been passed down from generation to generation” that is all about increasing circulation and “optimizing the fat and tissues and muscles that are in the face.”

For the $350 session, the customer gets half their face womanhandled by the massage parlor owner’s wife, Tata. The effects are said to last around six months, though we don’t know how we’d feel walking around town with only a half-slapped face.

As for the intern, she didn’t seem to mind the session, during which Tata claimed to lift the intern’s eyebrow and slim one of her cheeks.

“There was no stinging at all,” said the now-lopsided intern. “It felt like a really strong pressure on my face and then other times it was actually quite gentle.”

Sources tell Consumerist that if you want an actual face-slapping that does sting, there are apparently plenty of professionals willing to do that in exchange for cash and/or gifts.

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