Justin Bieber’s fans believe a lot of things about the teen singer, mainly that it’s okay to call themselves “Beliebers.” But one man is not a fan of the Biebs, claiming that not only did he have the nerve to use his stolen credit card , but that he bought a penis enlargement with it. He’s suing the super rich star, claiming that he’s Selena Gomez’s father (the girlfriend of Bieber, for those not obsessed with doe-eyed Canadian pop phenoms). Sounds entirely plausible*.
The Michigan man claims Biebs spent $426.78 to enhance his equipment using a stolen American Express card and never paid him back, reports CBS Detroit. The man also levels the charge at Bieber that the singer purchased an abortion for his girlfriend with the stolen card.
These charges should be taken with about a bajillion grains of salt, first of all because of the level of fame occupied by stars like Bieber — the more famous you are, the more likely you are to receive the kind of attention that borders on (or reaches) flat-out ridiculous.
Another reason the documents seem, um, odd? The lawsuit also claims Usher Raymond, Bieber’s music mentor, came to the man’s home in July and did horrible, unspeakable things to him with a firework while blasting the Katy Perry song of the same name.
*Please note, there is no such thing as a sarcasm font or I would have used it.