The Daily Mail has screengrabs of a script for something called the “Welcome to Amazing” kickoff, which was apparently intended to launch “Five Weeks of Amazing,” which we can only presume made Queen Elizabeth’s recent jubilee look like a boring street fair by comparison.
“Over the next five weeks, we’re going to rediscover how fun and rewarding it can be to connect with our guests,” reads the script.
“Our stores are where guests can see what’s new… find inspiration,” it continues. “You know what I’m talking about… great merchandise, cool displays, clean and bright stores, and that wave of happiness that hits them when they walk through our doors.”
We assume that this “wave of happiness” refers to customers who are just glad to get out of the heat/snow/rain and into a climate-controlled building. Or did Target stores start pumping pure oxygen into the air vents?
“It’s awesome… and no website or smart phone can duplicate it,” explains the script. So therefore it must be the HVAC system, right?
The script then moves on to rattle off a bunch of examples of exactly what constitutes “amazing.”
“A moment is when we look up from what we’re doing to say hi to the guest who just came down the aisle. Amazing is when she tells her husband how friendly everyone at Target is.”
Or when she tells her husband how that creepy kid in housewares wouldn’t stop gawking at her.
The person following this script is then supposed to ask for examples from the workers in attendance. And after those examples have been given, they are supposed to actually say, “Thank you. The moments you came up with were, well, amazing.”
Wow… that’s just really a brilliant, completely unscripted moment.