Man Arrested For Fondling Himself, Looking At Porn On Southwest Flight

Flying from Baltimore to Denver isn’t very exciting. If you’re going to provide your own in-flight entertainment, though, please don’t follow the lead of a 63-year-old man who took that flight on Saturday. His choice of distraction got him arrested once he was on the ground for committing lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft.

An affidavit filed with the criminal complaint said that the passenger was allegedly using the handy in-flight wi-fi to watch pornography. (He either got around the content filters, or was accessing his own stash.) According to the affidavit, a nearby passenger noticed that the man was fondling himself: he had tried to shield his lap from view with his computer, but was not successful. That passenger summoned a flight attendant, who noted that the man’s genitals were exposed and ordered him to “put his pants back together.”

He was taken into custody in Denver, and could face 90 days in jail and a $250 fine.

Nevada man accused of fondling himself aboard Southwest flight [CNN] (via Fark)

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  1. Rockfish says:

    lol … love the phallic image accompanying this story. Very clever.there, consumerist.

  2. deathbecomesme says:

    I’d take an old guy jerking off next to me any day over a screaming baby.

  3. Bsamm09 says:

    Thanks a lot, bin Laden

  4. Liam Kinkaid says:

    “he had tried to shield his lap from view with his computer, but was not successful”

    He wasn’t trying to offend anyone, so what’s the real problem here? I’d say it’s the Mrs. Kravitz sitting next to him. Keep your eyes on your own junk, buddy!

  5. Coles_Law says:

    Dear Mr. [CUSTOMER NAME],

    Thank you for taking the time to let us know about your recent experience with Southwest Airlines. We understand that you had your [SPECIFIC ITEM] out during takeoff or landing. [SPECIFIC DEPARTMENT] guidelines require you to [SPECIFIC ACTION] your [SPECIFIC ITEM] whenever the stewardess instructs you to do so. Failure to [SPECIFIC ACTION] with these instructions will lead to ejection from [SPECIFIC FLIGHT] and arrest by [SPECIFIC POLICEMAN].

    Sincerely,
    [SPECIFIC CSR]

    • Press1forDialTone says:

      Thank God my coffee wasn’t hot as it went through my nose onto my desk.
      Somebody give me a bottle of Ativan so I can stop laughing!

  6. thomwithanh says:

    What is it with all the airline stories today?

  7. kosmo @ The Soap Boxers says:

    There’s a crime in progress and they don’t turn the plane around?

    Think of the children!

  8. Revanche says:

    Wait…was this wrong? Should I have not done it?

  9. Blueskylaw says:

    So much for trying to satisfy a primal human urge.

  10. STXJK says:

    I blame budget airlines that don’t provide blankets any longer for covering the porn-watching and self-fondling.

    • StatusfriedCrustomer says:

      Ha. The self-fondling has always been there; it’s just visible now. I love unintended consequences.

  11. RandomLetters says:

    Brings on a whole new meaning to “Snakes on a Plane”.

  12. pinkbunnyslippers says:

    As someone who has had the distinct pleasure of sitting kittycorner to a fellow air passenger viewing porn with a privacy filter on his screen (so I knew he had a bit of shame), I’ve found that loudly exclaiming things to him like “WOW, I DIDN’T KNOW A MAN AND A HORSE COULD GET INTO THAT POSITION.” or “I WONDER IF THE FEDS KNOW YOU STORE THAT SHIT ON YOUR LAPTOP, I THINK I SAW THAT ON AN EPISODE OF LAW AND ORDER: SVU”, seem to be pretty effective in getting them to shut down the laptop.

    Unfortunately this guy sounds like he’s got a compulsion that a public shaming won’t cure.

  13. AustinTXProgrammer says:

    So was the fondling the only part where he broke the law? Not the viewing of pornography in a public place?

  14. MrMongerty says:

    I can’t even eat ice cream these days without worrying that it may be unhealthy!!!!!

  15. luxmatic says:

    Things have really changed at Southwest…

    7 years ago, on a Southwest flight from San Diego to Oakland, there was a drunk passenger a couple of rows and a cross the aisle from me. 15 minutes into the flight he pulls out his laptop and starts watching porn videos. I do know kids were behind me, but I’m not sure they could have seen the video. The crew certainly didn’t notice or care.

    I went to the back of the plane and asked the harried crew member to discretely talk to the passenger. I got the opposite of that. He told the passenger that “this guy”, and he pointed to me, wanted him to stop the video. When the crew member got out of ear shot, he leaned back and whispered to me, “When I get off this plane I’m going to beat the *#*@ out of you.”

    I went to the back of the plane again and asked the crew member for help with this uncomfortable situation. He said – I swear on my life – “This isn’t my problem. You caused this, you deal with it”, and he walked towards the front of the plane. The rest of the flight was spent fearing for my safety while a huge drunk dude glared at me. Not fun.

    I did get off the plane without incident – was able to get out of my seat and nearly off the plane before he stood up. I did report the incident to SW a few days later, but afaik, nothing came of it.

  16. ancientone567 says:

    What you can’t jerk off on your airline trip? Well now that just takes the whole trill out of it. :)

  17. TerpBE says:

    In his defense, he was on a plane to Denver when all of a sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it’s all over and whips out and starts beating it right there. But in this case the other passengers didn’t take a cue from him.

  18. Kuri says:

    Well the TSA agents shouldn’t be such teases then.

  19. Press1forDialTone says:

    I LOVE this.
    People without a shred of self-control be damned!

  20. Bob A Dobalina says:

    In other news, American, Delta and other major airlines have announced special masturbation fees. This will allow passengers who pay an extra fee to jack off in the cabin without any repercussions

  21. HealingTek says:

    They should handle it like they used to when you could smoke on flights, just have jacking and non-jacking sections.

  22. benminer says:

    Minus the fondling part, this is what I’ll be doing if they ever make talking on your phone legal during flights. Find the most disgusting (legal) porn imaginable and make sure the person talking on their phone can see it.

  23. Corinthos says:

    On my 45 minute flight home from chicago the guy across the aisle from me was looking at a gay porn mag and was not doing it discreetly. It was like he wanted everyone to see it. It was an only an hour and I found it more funny than anything. The guy was dress very well so it was more unexpected than anything.The flight attendant clearly saw it as he passed out a drinks and didn’t say anything.

  24. Libertas1 says:

    Just how big was that laptop screen?

  25. Press1forDialTone says:

    I vastly prefer the sound of humans coming to orgasm to babies crying.
    I’m just saying.

  26. Pete & Repeat says:

    Well at least it wasn’t at the library.