Your Fellow Walmart Shoppers Would Appreciate It If You Took The Lube Home Before Using It

Most shoplifters we’ve read about just can’t wait to get away from the scene of the crime — often leaving valuables like children behind in their haste — but this couple accused of thieving from a Walmart were so excited about boosting some sexual lubricant, they decided to try it out right in the store.

The Hutchinson, Kansas couple were arrested on charges of lewd and lascivious behavior, theft and criminal damage after getting a bit busy with each other in an aisle at their local Walmart, reports KAKE.com.

Their fellow customers tipped off security on Sunday after apparently witnessing the behavior. Cops say the twosome, a 22-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman, stole several products, including the tube of lube and other “personal care products.” Police report that the man then “sexually fondled” the woman in front of other shoppers.

They were arrested and booked into jail, with officials reporting that the couple didn’t seem to have been drunk or high and did just as they were told.

Perhaps they were just caught up in the thrill of it all. We’ve all been there — or okay, not really. Not at a Walmart. We have heard rumors about Burger King bathrooms, however.

Couple Arrested For Lewd Behavior At Area Walmart [KAKE.com]

Comments

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  1. Mr_Magoo says:

    George Costanza: Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing…

  2. Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

    Pix or GTFO.

  3. redskull says:

    Cheaper than a motel, I guess.

  4. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    What is wrong with people? What has happened that some people can’t tell the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior, even if they are in WalMart? On the other hand, a part of me is amazed that anyone noticed them.

    • Press1forDialTone says:

      Personally, I would have loved to be the person to
      bring these retail perverts down, I just love to make
      sure everyone in the store is just shopping and not
      peeing on a display, ya know? I know, I know,
      get help now but hey, I’m doing other shoppers a favor.

  5. Jane_Gage says:

    Damn, she got her cougar on! Also, if they didn’t leave the store I don’t think they were stealing, just sampling.

  6. TheSurlyOne says:

    Wow, the 37-year old Libertarian gay guy (that would be me) is the only one so far that is really sickened and outraged by this??? I take my 11yr old nephew and 7yr old niece shopping with me all the time! If I turned the corner and they were exposed to something like this, I would literally come unhinged! Maybe grab a nearby fire extinguisher and see if could cool them down real quick??? Or just mow them over with a cart? Or if I happened to be wearing my Glock 19 on my side (if the holster matched my shoes, you know), corner the freaks until the cops got there!

    But I havnen’t set foot in a Wal-Mart in years, so I guess it’s a moot point…..but I do hope they have to register as sex offenders….sex in public is wrong, period, end of subject!!!

    • Chuft-Captain says:

      Overreact much?

    • CheritaChen says:

      Yeah, that’s a bit extreme, man. Why is our society so determined to demonize sexuality? I agree it’s just not appropriate, but there’s no reason why your niece and nephew would have to feel traumatized…except if they interpreted your behavior to mean that they *should*. Turning around, leaving the aisle and finding the nearest employee to report the activity to would be quite a bit more healthy for all involved.

      I know, your instincts are to protect the kids. But think about what you’re trying to protect them from. Some confusion, surely. But the kids will take their cues from you as the adult.

    • Dave B. says:

      “Or if I happened to be wearing my Glock 19 on my side (if the holster matched my shoes, you know), corner the freaks until the cops got there!”

      In that case YOU would be the one going to jail, it would be hard to convince anyone that you felt your life was threatened by two people bumping nasties in the aisle of a walmart.

      • TheSurlyOne says:

        Actually, just letting them get a glimpse of it without removing it from the holster is completely legal…what they choose to infer from that isn’t my problem….and it’s legal because I have a Georgia Carry Permit- I can take it anywhere other than govt buildings, houses of worship and schools.

        • Chuft-Captain says:

          Acting in a threatening manner with it without due cause – whether or not you remove it from the holster – IS illegal. If the implication is made that you would use it, you have crossed the line already, regardless of whether you ever even touch it.

        • Dave B. says:

          Permits are not relevant, I have a permit. You are not a cop, you cannot use your weapon to detain or threaten someone that isn’t a threat to you or anyone else. It’s people like you that give CCWers that know what they’re doing a bad name. The first time you try something like that it will quickly become YOUR problem.

          • TheSurlyOne says:

            I am well aware of the applicable laws here in Georgia. I actually volunteer with a group that teaches battered women how to use firearms to defend themselves and their children. We also have several members of law enforcement community and a few defense attorneys to make sure everyone understands the technicalities and burden-of-proof associated with said laws. We also assist them in legally purchasing an appropriate weapon.

            For the record, I have never pulled or ‘flashed’ my weapon at anyone nor would I actually do so. I admit that I was slightly overwrought when I made my earlier statement. But I do carry on a regular basis and if I pulled my weapon, it would be will full intention of using it to defend the safety or life of myself or others.

            We cool?

        • Press1forDialTone says:

          “A glimpse of it…..”
          A glimpse of WHAT!
          Oh sorry, you meant the Glock or do they
          pretty much look the same? In this case,
          it being WalMart and all, I don’t think your
          holster has to -exactly- match your shoes,
          just the steely glint in your eyes.

        • Actionable Mango says:

          People like you make it really hard for reasonable gun owners to defend our rights to a moderate public.

          • Press1forDialTone says:

            You don’t need to defend your right to own a gun
            for sport or self-defense, it’s in our constitution.

            In my book, you DO need to defend (which is indefensible)
            your “right” to own an assault rifle with a 30 load magazine.

    • Press1forDialTone says:

      Um yeah, a gun carrying gay Libertarian dude! Wanna date?
      If it doesn’t work out, do you shoot me in the head?

      • TheSurlyOne says:

        Which is the freakiest- a gay, gun-carrying Libertarian dude?
        Or guy-carrying dude who drives a Volvo???

        I may actually be the ONLY gay, gun-carrying, Libertarian dude who drives a Volvo….in the world, perhaps???

        And the gayest part of it all- I chose the Glock because it matches the Black Leather interior……just kidding, I chose a Glock for several reasons but narrowed it down to the Glock 19 because it’s the model that Agent Emily Prentiss carries on Criminal Minds…and she is really HOT (despite being a woman)! LOL

        • Press1forDialTone says:

          You are so funny and certainly not a freak.
          I feel safer just texting with you. Of course,
          I’d have to carry too, you know Starsky and
          Hutch style. Just let try to fag bash us. Boom!
          Stand and defend.

    • Actionable Mango says:

      Congratulations. So instead of two assholes in WalMart going to jail, there would be three.

  7. wombats lives in [redacted] says:

    Perhaps they thought using the lube would assist with a slick get-a-way.

  8. Press1forDialTone says:

    At my WalMart here in the midwest, they through you out of the store if you
    DON’T get busy with at least 1 store clerk within 30 minutes of entering the
    store.

  9. Bender6829 says:

    Another reason not to shop at Wal-Mart… as if we needed another reason…

  10. shayden says:

    The stupidity of people amaze me.

  11. Anna Kossua says:

    Indeed, they should have gone to Burger King in the first place. They wouldn’t have to steal lube, they could just use the grease traps.