If A Stranger Wants To Suck Your Toe At Walmart, He Probably Isn’t Really A TV Producer

Just a bit of advice to the shoppers of the world: If a man approaches you at Walmart — or really any retailer — and says he works for America’s Funniest Home Videos and that the show will pay for your stuff if you let him kiss your foot, he’s almost certainly lying. And yet, a teenager in Georgia says she was a sucker for a toe-sucker in disguise.

According to the Columbia County News-Times, the 18-year-old was shopping at her local Walmart on Tuesday when a man asked her if she’d ever watched Funniest Home Videos, that long-running staple of crotch punches accompanied by wacky sound effects.

He asked her if her toenails were painted and when she said yes, he told her that all of her purchases would be covered if she just did as he asked.

This is the point at which you start screaming for security.

But not this teen, who instead allowed the man to take photos of her foot and then agreed to let the man escalate the “prank” by smooching her toe in a secluded section of the store.

“Don’t worry. I don’t bite,” the man is alleged to have told the teen.

But when the man’s kiss turned into a full-on toe-suck, that’s when the customer finally decided it was time to scream and put an end to things.

“It tasted so good, though,” she claims the man told her before fleeing the store.

We’re going to go gargle for a bit. Be right back.

Teen’s toe sucked at Grovetown Walmart [News-Times]

Walmart toe sucker says ‘it tasted so good’ [Chron.com]

Comments

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  1. dorianh49 says:

    This little piggy cried “wee, wee, wee” all the way to the shower to crawl into the fetal position.

  2. DaveInBillsburg says:

    Man, I always wondered what happend to Bob Saget after he left the show!

  3. Blueskylaw says:

    What 18 year old teenage girl shopping in a Georgia Walmart wouldn’t want free groceries?

  4. Cicadymn says:

    Wait, you mean I’m not supposed to get complimentary toe sucks every time I go to Walmart?

    But all those years…

  5. The Beer Baron says:

    I do believe that there is a Robert Evans joke it there somewhere, but as I am really only familiar with him through the work of the esteemed Patton Oswalt, I will refrain from speaking out of turn and possibly making a fool of myself.

  6. Fast Eddie Eats Bagels says:

    Anybody can suck on my toe for the right price! Hell, they can even eat my pinkie toe, I don’t need it!

    • The Beer Baron says:

      Is it a toe you need, sir? I am able to procure a toe. I can have it by teatime. With polish. I would not ask many questions about the process, though…

  7. sir_eccles says:

    “social engineering” it’s why dumb things happen.

  8. Ben says:

    I’m trying not to picture the feet of the average Walmart shopper… *shudder*

  9. crispyduck13 says:

    There’s a Piggly Wiggly joke in here somewhere…

  10. dolemite says:

    So…agree to let someone suck on toe and he agrees to pay for your groceries = “scream for security”.

    Let someone pay for your dinner then later suck on toe = “awww yeah”.

    • crispyduck13 says:

      This guy was never going to pay for those groceries. So really, it’s theft by toe sucking. At least the dinner was already paid for.

  11. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    …and to think, all this time I’ve been *paying* people to suck my toes…

  12. osiris73 says:

    Shaw: Madam, would you sleep with me for a million pounds?
    Actress: My goodness, Well, I’d certainly think about it
    Shaw: Would you sleep with me for a pound?
    Actress: Certainly not! What kind of woman do you think I am?!
    Shaw: Madam, we’ve already established that. Now we are haggling about the price.

  13. yankinwaoz says:

    Well… I am going to have to swap out a square on my copy of “Walmart Bingo” with “Approached with toe sucking proposal”.

    • incident_man says:

      You can get rid of the “low prices” square to make room. My local Mal-Wart is no longer the lowest price for many things.

    • StatusfriedCrustomer says:

      I’d get rid of “Pickels sold in bulk”

    • speaky2k says:

      I would have to get rid of Beer & Diapers square since where I live no alcohol is sold in grocery/department stores.

  14. Nobby says:

    This happened to me in the same store but I was too embarrassed to report it. My football buddies would never let me live it down.

  15. Jane_Gage says:

    Once I went to the movies in pumps and this guy practically came on my ankle. One thing I’ll never understand, you’re 30″ away from the good stuff. . .

  16. 180CS says:

    Okay, this is one article I wish I hadn’t read. :X

  17. HogwartsProfessor says:

    I can definitely see a teenager falling for this. Someone my age (47)? Then they would need a clue-by-four upside the head.

  18. Libertas1 says:

    Sounds like good honest fun, what’s the harm here?