Alaska Town Sorely Disappointed That Promise Of A Taco Bell Was All A Cruel Joke

Someone in Alaska has a dark, twisted sense of humor and has played a mean prank on the entire town of Bethel. Residents were stoked to see flyers advertising a new Taco Bell coming to their town of 6,200, but alas, it isn’t meant to be.

Yellow flyers began popping up around town last week, letting everyone know that Taco Bell (and ostensibly, its beloved Doritos Locos tacos) would arrive soon, even listing instructions on how to apply for a job at the chain restaurant.

Since the closest Taco Bell is currently about 400 miles away in Anchorage, townspeople rejoiced over the news, only to find out that the whole thing was a hoax, complete with a fake phone number and web site. No one knows who planned such a cruel trick.

Denali Foods Inc. operates all of Alaska’s Taco Bells, and said there are no plans to open a location in Bethel. Change your plans, Denali Foods! These people deserve all the $0.99 tacos they can eat!

Elaborate hoax convinces some a Taco Bell eatery is on the way [Anchorage Daily News]

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  1. Smiley Massacre says:

    You BASTARDS!

  2. Naked-Gord-Program says:

    These are the people who elected Sarah Palin thus enabling her to move onto the national stage.

    Cue the Soup…err Taco Nazi: NO TACOS FOR YOU!

  3. doctor_cos wants you to remain calm says:

    That’s cold.

  4. longfeltwant says:

    I just had Doritos Locos Tacos for the first time about an hour ago. Some coworkers and I made a special trip. THEY WERE DELICIOUS! They weren’t food, they weren’t big or juicy, they weren’t nutritious, but they were undoubtedly delicious. If I were presented the opportunity to enjoy these miracles of “food” technology in my podunk frozen BFE town, then that opportunity turned out to be a hoax, I would be angry about it… but not very angry.

    • spongebue says:

      Ask for a cheesey gordita crunch with a doritos shell. It costs a little extra, but it’s worth it.

      • Jillia says:

        *Head explodes

        I LOVE cheese gordita crunches. Only thing I get at Taco Bell. I also have a Doritos addiction and have been curious about the Loco Tacos. HOLY. CRAP. I gotta try that.

  5. catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

    by the time they ship the goods up there they will probably be $1.99 tacos. but if they are the only tacos in town, the residents will probably find that worth it instead of an 800 mile round trip

  6. Harry Greek says:

    That’s not very nice.

  7. Princess Beech loves a warm cup of treason every morning says:

    Aw SNAP!!!

    Who the hell would do such a thing? Also, I wonder how much the food will cost if they actually setup a Taco Bell over there?

    • StarKillerX says:

      When you combine the facts that the location is somewhat remote and has a very small population I don’t really think it could support a taco bell unless all 6,200 residents were phsyically addicted to the tacos.

  8. HogwartsProfessor says:

    Bethel–you’re not missing anything.

    That said, even my stupid hometown of 5000 has a Taco Bell. It also has a McDonald’s, a Denny’s, and a Dairy Queen that’s been there since the 1970s. If Dumbville can get all that, why can’t Bethel have a TB? Even if the prices are a bit higher due to the distance, it still should do well. They obviously want it.

    • nishioka says:

      > If Dumbville can get all that, why can’t Bethel have a TB?

      Did you see where Bethel, AK is on a map? If BFE had its own BFE, Bethel would be right in the middle of that. There wouldn’t be any 99 cent tacos because shit would be way too expensive to transport there.

      • Gravitational Eddy says:

        If the previous article about vendors overcharging for groceries delivered to those arctic towns, then this Taco Bell would probably be charging $6 for those .99 tacos that we enjoy down here in the lower 48…

      • crispyduck13 says:

        If BFE had its own BFE…

        Brilliant. Just letting you know I will be using this.

      • Awesome McAwesomeness says:

        Then they would complain that it is cheaper to fly to Anchorage to get their tacos than it is buy them at their own Taco Bell.

    • RogalDorn says:

      I’ve been to Bethel many times. That town is missing everything.

    • dpeters11 says:

      Yes, but the difference is, or one of them at least, is that your little town actually has ways of leaving the town on a road or rail track. Bethel, AK does not. Everything must be flown in. This is not uncommon in Alaska. Anchorage has roads going out, the capital of Juneau does not.

    • StarKillerX says:

      Well the question isn’t how many people are in your town, it’s how many people are in, and regularly pass through, that area.

      The Taco Bell near me sits in a town with a population of less then 3,000, but within a 20 minute drive are probably 30K people and there is a New York State Thruway exit less then 1/4 mile down the road.

    • dolemite says:

      I live in redneckville about 3 hours from DC.

      We have…a legitimate mexican restaurant about every 2 miles here. No kidding. Run by real latino families. My wife and I had lunch at one the other day. 2 lunches, chips, salsa and 2 drinks for around $12, including tip. Real cheese, real meat and veggies, and the food usually comes out about 5 minutes after you sit down. If Taco Bell is the only choice, you have, I understand, but why anyone would choose it over the real deal is beyond me.

  9. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    Taco Bell should use this as a PR opportunity and build one anyway.

  10. Golfer Bob says:

    Maybe they were just hopeful because they could see the sign for the one in Russia from their houses.

  11. Ben says:

    Oh no! Where else are those poor people going to be able to find Doritos, shitty meat, beans, lettuce, and cheese?!!?

    • dreamrot says:

      Don’t worry. Bethel does have a Subway.

      • waterboy in Alaska says:

        I’ve been to that Subway a couple of times. If I remember correctly, it is the “Home of the $13 Footlong”.

        Bethel is a “hub” community, there are many smaller villages within 40 miles of it. There are no roads out of Bethel but travel by small plane, boat, 4-wheeler, or snowmachine is common.

  12. Torgonius wants an edit button says:

    To keep costs down, instead of using real beef, use polar bear, walrus and seal meat.

    Club a seal, get a taco!

  13. krom says:

    I’m betting that $0.99 tacos do not exist at Alaska Taco Bells. Perhaps $6.99 tacos?

  14. gman863 says:

    In a town of 4800, maybe Yum Brands could build one of the Taco Bell/KFC/A&W/Long John Silvers/Pizza Hut/WingStreet combos that seem to be popping up all over the place in the Lower 48.

  15. framitz says:

    They should be grateful to miss out on the disappointment of Taco Bell.

  16. Moniker Preferred says:

    Bethel WANTS a Taco Bell? When you look up “desperate” in the on-line dictionary, there’s a link to the City of Bethel.

    “The Consumerist empowers consumers by informing and entertaining them about the top consumer issues of the day. “

  17. mianne prays her parents outlive the TSA says:

    Why didn’t TFA include a pic of the fake flyer? If the reporter was too lazy to investigate the “who” and “why” of the hoax, I’m certain a bit of internet crowdsourcing would come up with an answer within a few hours.

  18. Maltboy wanders aimlessly through the Uncanny Valley says:

    It could have been worse. They could’ve opened two Taco Bells.

  19. The Colonel says:

    They have no Taco Bell, but they have a Wells Fargo. What a rough existence.

  20. kelrod says:

    Just wait 20 years. By then every restaurant will be Taco Bell.

    • 401k says:

      I’ve SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It’s a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing “I’m an Oscar Meyer Wiener”.

    • noahproblem1 says:

      On the bright side, AFAIK right now they can still swear in public without incurring a fine…

    • StopGougingMeThere! says:

      “Demolition Man” had it right all along.

  21. Bryan Price says:

    Knowing the food prices like I do in Alaska, I’d say those will be $1.50 tacos. And that’s IN Anchorage. Maybe even $2 in Bethel.

    At least now my son lives where I can actually drive and see him, and not spend a whole day flying up to Anchorage (and then getting to Wasilla…). The crab was excellent, though.

  22. skakh says:

    Alaska gave the country The Palins, Alaska deserves Taco Bell!

  23. tooluser says:

    There are worse things than gaining marginal profits by satisfying your fans.

  24. Gravitational Eddy says:

    I just remembered, TB has a truck/trailer kitchen. Saw it at the state fairgrounds.

    Ice Road Tacos.

    On TV. This fall.

  25. shthar says:

    From my experience in Alaska, those tacos would be about ten bucks, not 99 cents.

  26. samjung23 says:

    Wait until they hear about Chik-Fil-A.

  27. CubeRat says:

    Dear Bethel,

    I am truly sorry for your suffering from ‘cruel’ hoax. I must point out, however, that your internal organs and body in general, find the lack of a Taco Bell a good thing. Really, Taco Bell is not worth your anxiety.

  28. aleck says:

    Wow, if Taco Bell arrival is the event of the year, this must be one sad place to live…

  29. Nicolaus99 says:

    People excited at the prospect of a new Taco Bell? Taco Hell food is a cruel and unusual thing to inflict on a human being.

  30. Hibyeman says:

    Actully it would be $2.99 due to increased prices there alsothis is crueler then you can imagine because they likly don’t even have a Macdonalds have you been to alaska i lived there for six years the states population of alaska is smaller then new york city