Would You Like To Pay Groupon $1K to Name Your Baby “Clembough”?

Having a bit of a brain biff when it comes to naming your baby? Groupon thinks you might want to throw down $1,000 for the honor of having it name your baby “Clembough.” It’s got a deal going on right now that apparently someone has bought, but we’re guessing it’s got something to do with Father’s Day on June 17.

In what pretty much has to be a publicity stunt to gear up for a slew of deals offering the best deals for activities to do with your dad, Groupon is ready to use its naming skills on your offspring.

The offer reads, in part:

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but a baby that isn’t named by Groupon smells like missed opportunity. Spray your infant with the perfume of success with this Groupon.

$1,000 for Groupon to Name Your Baby ($1,000 Value)

All too often, the importance of a child’s name takes a backseat to other “needs” such as food, shelter, and clothing. Groupon, the World’s Foremost Authority in Baby Namingâ„¢, has stepped up to address this issue. Upon your child’s birth, Groupon will relieve you of the burden of naming your baby by bestowing a specially selected, custom first name upon your infant son or daughter. Purchasers will e-mail Groupon with their voucher number, and we will e-mail you back with a name for your child based on the name’s aesthetic value and for how it might look emblazoned on a trophy one day–for a child named by Groupon will grow tall and proud, and he or she will be a beacon of hope in a world that is in such desperate need of one. Don’t settle for non-Groupon-approved names such as Kevin or Bridget–let us gift your sweet child with a moniker for the ages.

As always, there’s some fine print, setting limits like “Spelling non-negotiable,” and “any attempt to name your child ‘Clembough’ independent of this exclusive Groupon will be recognized by the world as a cheap imitation.”

We can’t wait to hear about all the baby Clemboughs soon to be toddling around.

Groupon Names Your Baby — Redeem from Home [Groupon]

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  1. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    For the uninformed… what’s the significance of “Clembough?”

    • Taed says:

      It appears to be an invented name. A Google search for “Clembough -groupon -$1000 -“century name” -1000″ turns up basically nothing.

      I’m an expert on invented names — both my first and last names are entirely invented, although oddly, there are about 5 others in the US with the same first name (Taed) and the last name (Wynnell) turns out to be a common Irish first name.

      • Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

        Interesting. My last name also is invented. When my great-great-grandfather emigrated to the US, he invented an unusual last name so that that family members who emigrated after him could adopt it. In this way, anytime a “Gaglistifarb” ran into another “Gaglistifarb” anywhere in the world they would know they were somehow related and hit each other up for a couple of bucks. The family was pretty localized back then but now a Google search shows “Gaglistifarbs” all over the world.

        He didn’t need no Groupon.

      • Costner says:

        If you go back far enough… every name was “invented”.

        I named my daughter after I heard her mother read a name but mispronounce it. I “invented” the spelling to match what she said, and the name wasn’t one I had heard before, yet a search soon told me it wasn’t really unique.

        Most names that sound legit have probably been used before. Names might get rediscovered or they might be very rare, but if someone is the only living person with a name it is probably because it is either a really stupid name (aka “Moxy Crimefighter”), or because it is so difficult to pronounce that nobody would ever be able to replicate it on their own.

  2. dolemite says:

    My baby is a cheap imitation. I’m naming him Clembo. He’s from the South.

  3. umbriago says:

    Just call me Clemmy.

    Also, I like: “1 bought” – Sure, Groupon. Somebody already bought one.

    • Blueskylaw says:

      One was bought – but a chargeback was initiated after kids began making fun of the name.

  4. Blueskylaw says:

    How about I name my baby “Clembough” anyway and not pay Groupon? The $1,000 I save will go towards a college savings plan and in 18 years, with compounding, should be worth about $20,000. That should be enough to pay for about one math textbook.

  5. scurvycapn says:

    They will need to try harder than that to beat Acclaim!

    “During Acclaim’s decline towards bankruptcy, Steve Perry, an executive, made several infamous business and marketing decisions. One example was a promise to UK gamers that a £500 prize would be awarded to up to five winners who would name their baby “Turok”, to promote the release of Turok Evolution. Another was an attempt to buy advertising space on actual tombstones for a Shadowman game.”

  6. offtopic says:

    thanks for adding hype to an obvious marketing stunt

  7. CrazyEyed says:

    I would personally like to know the sole individual who was dumb enough to purchase this Groupon. If you have to pay $1,000 for some stranger or website to name your baby, then either A) You have way too much money looking to hand out or B) You are a moron.

  8. offtopic says:

    thanks for adding hype to an obvious marketing stunt

  9. Cicadymn says:

    I’ll do a groupon of the groupon. for 50% off I’ll even give you a list of names to choose from. Totally original names that will have people jealous of your crotchspawns name for all eternity.

    Clementine
    Roy Rogers McFreely
    Barton
    Carton
    Larton
    Farton
    Hambone
    Seltzer
    Pat

    There. Now I need everyone who read this comment to make sure you paypal your $500 over immediately. Honor system people.

    • giax says:

      I’ll go even lower than that. For only $300, pick any name (and same price for double names, so pick too if you like) from the list and use it. Then paypal me….

      Drpet
      Kar-n (read the dash as dash)
      Car-n (same as above, but a cheap imitation, use for free)
      Faycbuk (again, cheap imitations here)
      Lol
      Lollette
      Rofl

      And for spicing up to have a bit more kr8tiff or “modern” spelling of classic names, try
      Miq
      Raeachaeaeal
      N8
      K8
      H8r

      Or just pick the closest dictionary or IKEA catalog you have, and you might end up with something equally odd/stupid/genius/craative:
      Expedit
      Smørrebrød
      Strcprststrckrk (a Czech tongue twister phrase spelled as one word)
      Hääyöaie (a Finnish tongue twister)
      Scríobh (this is where I picked a Gaelic dictionary)
      Buailfidh
      Himigh
      Teangacha
      D’fhéadfadh
      Siapadóir
      Gwahoddiad (and now I picked a Welsh dictionary)
      Gweithiwr
      Arafu
      Phrydferth
      Nhafarnwr
      Lwyfannu
      Ychwaneg

      And I could continue, but I can’t spell in Chinese, Japanese or Arabic, so I’ll spare the even more foreign name suggestions. Or you could just pick a menu from your local Chinese place, pick some characters and then invent what it supposedly means in English. :)

      • Princess Beech loves a warm cup of treason every morning says:

        Kung Pao
        Tso (for when the kid enrolls in the Army when he grows up)
        Szechuan
        Chang/Tsang
        Hofan
        Maki
        Pho
        Pad (Thai)
        Mussamun
        Chai
        Moo Goo Gai Pan
        Hakao
        Singha
        Tsingtao
        … (I’m getting hungry)

      • Dave on bass says:

        LMAO, Gwahoddiad, being Welsh, probably would be pronounced…. “Steve.”

  10. Jawaka says:

    Perhaps Groupon trademarked the name.

    That would be an interesting legal battle.

    • Hibyeman says:

      Wow i can see it on the news “This just in Groupon is suing [redacted] for naming there baby Clembough which is a trade mark name

    • Awesome McAwesomeness says:

      Beyonce and Jay-Z patented Blue Ivy. You can trademark a name, but you can’t do anything unless the person is profiting off the name.

  11. giax says:

    So if Groupon still exists 18 years from now, any kid whose parents bought the kid’s name from Groupon can sue Groupon if their life sucks and they are bullied because of their name. :)