Homeland Security Hoping To Find Device To Replace Pat-Downs

Perhaps the Dept. of Homeland Security is actually listening to all the people who aren’t exactly thrilled with the possibility of being touched by TSA airport screeners. The department is hoping someone out there can come up with a hand-held device that would take the place of the controversial pat-downs.

According to the L.A. Times, DHS has sent out requests to technology companies, asking them to come up with proposals for hand-held scanners that would weigh less than five pounds and can determine, in fewer than 15 seconds, whether or not an object under a traveler’s clothes is dangerous.

“If possible, the goal is to detect all threats including metal and explosives,” reads the DHS request.

Of course, any such hand-held scanner is far in the offing, as DHS would need to select a winner or winners, test them and then eventually roll them out to airports.

Feds are seeking devices to replace pat-downs [Chron.com]

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  1. MutantMonkey says:
  2. bluline says:

    Nah, the TSA people enjoy their groping too much to give it up. What’s the fun in wanding people when you can get your jollies by slipping your fingers into their nether regions, and get paid to do it, too?

    • JennQPublic says:

      As ridiculous as airport ‘security’ is, your insinuations are disgusting and unfounded. They say a lot more about you than about the TSA.

      • FredKlein says:

        Correction: what the TSA does is “disgusting and unfounded”.

      • who? says:

        Not so sure about that. I forgot to take my cell phone out of my pocket the other day when I went through the naked scanner. My fault. The naked scanner turned up an object in a pocket on the outside of my leg, which caused them to have to grope my nether regions. Absurd.

  3. That guy. says:

    “Dangersous” is so vauge. What would it need to detect? Metal? Bomb material? Ceramic weapons? Chemicals? Blunt instruments? Can one (other than hands) detect everything?

  4. mmmsoap says:

    Some significant number of people are opting for pat-downs because they don’t want to be scanned by machines….

    • That guy. says:

      That is what I would do currently. Introducing a new type of scanning device wouldn’t change that, as I’d still feel it could have unknown side effects.

      • BradC says:

        Until they are willing to hire radiologists to work those machines I’ll opt for the pat down.

        • eyesack is the boss of the DEFAMATION ZONE says:

          You realize that when you go to a hospital, the machines aren’t operated by radiologists, either, right?

          Also…what would the radiologist even be responsible for? It’s the same dose for everyone, and there’s no post-scan monitoring performed (or indicated) for anyone.

          • eturowski says:

            No, but at least in a hospital, the machines are regulated and calibrated, and the technicians have proper credentials and training and wear dosimetry badges.

            None of these things apply with the TSA scanners, which are considered administrative/industrial devices, not medical devices.

            • eyesack is the boss of the DEFAMATION ZONE says:

              Training for what? Unlike in the medical field, there’s no nuance or need to change settings. There’s an On switch.

              • spamtasticus says:

                Any other baseless claims you wish to make? The raster scanners are extrememly complex and dangerous. So much so that john Hopkins hospital sent the TSA a cease and dessist to stop them from incinuating that they determined the machines are safe.

    • FatLynn says:

      I have done so every time I’ve been asked to go through the x-ray machine.

    • sweaterhogans says:

      Weren’t the body scanners supposed to replace pat downs? I get angry every time I see sheeple just going through the scanners. Amazingly, I’ve never been ushered through one. I’ve been allowed to go through the metal detector and avoid pat downs all together in the US. I’ve only had to make an opt-out “scene” once in Amsterdam.

      • Sad Sam says:

        Depends on your home airport. Almost every time I fly from my home airport or my neighbor airport I have to opt out. Once and a while I don’t have to make a scene because the scanners are not yet on, but that would be once every 10 times I fly.

        They set up the system so you have to make a scene to opt out and as a result 95% of people just go on thru the scanners because they don’t want to make a scene.

  5. polishhillbilly says:

    It’s called Profiling. Oh I’m sorry that takes common sense and is cheap. Gotta use tax payers dollars on super expensive toys.

    • HogwartsProfessor says:

      Dogs are also cheap and extremely effective at detecting explosives, drugs, food, etc. But that would actually make sense too.

  6. MaxH42 thinks RecordStoreToughGuy got a raw deal says:

    I thought they had those already. They’re called metal detectors. Those plus chemical sniffers should be more than enough.

  7. RiverStyX says:

    “Perhaps the Dept. of Homeland Security is actually listening to all the people who aren’t exactly thrilled with the possibility of being touched by TSA airport screeners.”

    Uh huh, that’s supposedly why they invented the cancer scanner, and look how well that worked. This just sounds like more bullshit they talk about once in a great while, but in reality they enjoy their security theater of hiring sex offenders and patting down infants. They have never stopped a single incident on a plane, and they never will.

    • MrEvil says:

      The cancer scanner was invented to get a hand-out from Uncle Sam.

      Seriously this is how it went down. Company develops back-scatter X-ray machine for use in airport screenings; company knows that no airport would willingly go to the expense of deploying these machines; company lobbies Representative/Senator that’s on the committee in charge of TSA; company’s bought and paid for congressperson drafts legislation requiring the machines are used; ???; Profit!

  8. umbriago says:

    Feel free to feel me up, TSA, it’s the only action I’m gonna be getting anytime soon.

  9. Invader Zim says:

    baseball bats?

  10. failurate says:

    They need dogs. My friend Dan’s dog could train the other dogs. Every time I see him he spends about 15 minutes with his nose in my crotch. Fairly certain he knows my entire medical and social history.

  11. adlauren says:

    Pretty sure Krieger has this covered: http://images.wikia.com/archer/images/9/93/Chokebot.png

  12. crbullseye says:

    How much money has the TSA invested in machines that are sitting idle? Somebody is making big bucks from the false sense of security the TSA provides!

  13. Extended-Warranty says:

    I’m not going to be one of the usual internet bashers who says they’re hiring degenerates, violating my rights, and touching my junk. It’s a good idea to screen people going into airports. Not everyone is a “terrorist” but some people are just nuts.

    With that said, the process is currently inefficient. There’s too many workers involved. There’s no way all those people give 100% every single day.

  14. chucklebuck says:

    By the time these roll out, it might not just be airports. TSA (or a guy in a TSA jacket along with transit police) was searching bags at my local MBTA station this morning.

    • eturowski says:

      The good thing about the MBTA TSA goons is that if you breeze right by them, they generally ignore you.

      • chucklebuck says:

        Yeah, none of them has ever stopped me. Still disheartening to see them creeping their way into my daily life.

    • Mark702 says:

      I really hate the TSA. I hope it isn’t true, but I wouldn’t be surprised to see the TSA infecting other areas too. We’re already seeing the TSA at train stations, and next it will be sport arena, government buildings, public schools, and that’s just the start.

  15. dush says:

    Just dog sniff every traveler’s crotch.

  16. Not Given says:

    Invent a machine that sets off and contains explosives. Go in the machine, push a button, if you don’t blow up the door opens and you can get on the plane.

  17. tape says:

    I’ve got a device that will replace pat-downs forever. It rhymes with “duck off”.

  18. AgostoBehemoth says:

    travel naked.

    time to get rid of the TSA and the dept of Homeland Security. We do have an FBI, DEA, ATF, State Police, Local Police, etc etc.

    medical detectors work just fine. The airlines best tool in fighting terrorism in the sky is their passengers, maybe start treating them like assets and not cattle.

  19. gman863 says:

    “It’s another government hand job…part of the community reach around program.”

    – Eddie Murphy, The PJs

  20. crazydavythe1st says:

    So a handheld version of millimeter wave scanning? So if you opt-out, you get the same treatment in miniature form.

  21. Kuri says:

    The TSA, making you give up your freedom so some other jagoff can feel safer.

  22. q`Tzal says:

    The Probulator from Futurama might be slightly more invasive but it would at least not enjoy the search and gossip/brag later.

  23. Fantoche_de_Chaussette says:

    The dirty little secret of airport “security” is: you can take anything you want on the plane, as long as it fits inside your rectum.

    All of this oh-so-earnest scanning and groping is just for show.