The Best Mattresses For That Other Thing You Use Mattresses For

Our lab-coated cousins down the hall at Consumer Reports may test all kinds of products extensively, including mattresses, but we’re fairly certain they’ve never produced a ratings chart like this one. Hilariously-named sleep product review site Sleep Like the Dead polled their users to find out which type of mattress is best for the second most important thing that most people use their beds for: sex.

They approached the analysis with a surprising amount of scientific rigor. Memory foam mattresses, for example, are a recent innovation, and have distinct disadvantages. For example, their users note that the mattresses’ superior traction impedes “active” lovemaking:

Some owners say that the way a person sinks into the foam provides too much “traction” which can discourage partners from moving around and changing positions often. Lower-density memory foam mattresses, however, tend to be easier to move on than higher-density memory foam mattresses.

Mattress Types and Sex Suitability Ratings and Comparison [Sleep Like the Dead]

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  1. boardboy330 says:

    Been saying this for a while. Just pushes you out of the bedroom and possibly your comfort zone.

  2. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    So, they have mattresses with, ah, strategic holes?

  3. FatLynn says:

    Obligatory:

    http://xkcd.com/335/

  4. longfeltwant says:

    Wrong. Foam mattresses are awesome for both sleeping and loving. Believe me when I say this: in the future, everyone will sleep (and love) on foam mattresses. People who eschew them today are luddites resisting the inevitable improvements of technology.

    • nugatory says:

      I’ve been on a Tempur Pedic for 4 years now and although I agree with you on both points, the biggest problem is that they don’t let your body breath. You can get very hot laying on them.

      I switched due to a bad spine and will never go back, but since the switch I’ve got a lovely set of sweat pimples on my back.

    • Rebecca K-S says:

      I’ve never had the opportunity to get down on one, but I’ve slept on one and tried to sit up and read on one and found them both miserable experiences.

    • some.nerd says:

      My wife and I made our baby on a Tempur-Pedic!It works. ;)

    • ScottRose says:

      I gotta disagree with you. After a couple of years of snogging mostly on the Tempurpedic in our master bedroom, the wife and I decided to use the dirt-cheap inner spring mattress/boxspring combo in our guestroom. The cheapo mattress works with us, adding that nice effortless rebound, whereas the Tempurpedic just absorbs every movement. For sleeping, the memory foam wins hands-down.

  5. Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

    Obligatory “pics or it didn’t happen.”

    I could really use an instructional video on how to properly make love on a foam mattress.

    Right now.

  6. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    …you guys do that on a bed? Weird.

  7. hymie! says:

    I love my Select-Comfort Sleep-Number split-king bed for sleeping, but it fails this particular test.

    • Derigiberble says:

      Oh my yes. I got rid of mine and will never own another one for this reason. While comfy they make intimacy of any type, even just cuddling on the same side of the bed, a real pain.

  8. rockelscorcho says:

    I sleep on my bed more than I have sex on/in/near it, so I value the sleep more than the sex. Plus, I haven’t had sex for 8 hours ever, but I’ve slept that much. Sleep wins!

  9. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    Waterbed for the lazy ones. One push and ride the waves.

  10. Rebecca K-S says:

    I need one of these for bed frames.

    • Coleoptera Girl says:

      Just put the mattress on the floor!

      • Rebecca K-S says:

        Well, that’s actually where it is currently. But I want a damn bed.

        • Coleoptera Girl says:

          Thinking about it, you probably want something that includes diagonal crossbeams… That’s all I have to offer, sadly!

      • bsh0544 says:

        The frame can provide leverage that’s most helpful. It can also provide attachment points for ties or cuffs, or I suppose other things. Mattress on the floor provides nothing. And the height is a little too low.

      • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

        Mattress on the floor makes me think I need to leave money on the dresser.

        • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

          And by “dresser” I mean that overturned milk crate with a crack pipe slotted in

    • Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

      A sturdy headboard with hand grips is a must

    • Libertas says:

      My dad sold his antique cannonball bed with a pair of cuffs still attached to one of the posts because he lost the key.

      I imagine that was awkward.

  11. centurion says:

    Way back, when My wife and I where shopping for our first mattress, we came across a “brand” called Sex-o-Pedic. It was designed for people that are active in bed. Or so it said on the label.

  12. The hand that feeds, now with more bacon says:

    I make my own sex at home.

  13. SexCpotatoes says:

    OMG! I found the G-spot! mirror/flip that chart sideways and you’ll see it in Green!

  14. zantafio says:

    I am anxiously waiting for similar testing of office chairs

    • FLConsumer says:

      We also need similar reviews for other places in the office where people get frisky — elevators, conference tables, and of course, the infamous copy machine test. Anyone have any other office-related tests which need to be performed? Consumer Reports, are you listening?

  15. JayDeEm says:

    We have been quite happy with the traditional mattress + memory foam topper combination here. Very comfy to sleep on and no real impediments during sexy-time. As a side-note, the bed risers mentioned on this site in another article bring the edge of the bed to a rather, optimal, height.

  16. Kishi says:

    Man, C+ is way too high a rating for an air mattress on “active sex friendly.”

    …or so a friend told me.

    • madanthony says:

      C for durability for an air mattress seems high too – for sex or anything else.

    • Mambru says:

      Way higher not only are uncomfortable, they are noisy . I like memmory foam matresses they take a little to get use to them but they are great. I wish they make a test for beds, cant seem to find one that won’t stop making noises

  17. axolotl says:

    The Best Mattresses For That Other Thing You Use Mattresses For
    …jumping on them?

  18. DubbaEwwTeeEff says:

    …SECOND most important thing??

  19. bball123h says:

    That’s why it’s important to test the mattresses out in the showroom.

  20. krom says:

    Other thing? You mean giant dominoes? http://tinyurl.com/7fh8qgt

  21. Geekybiker says:

    I have a latex mattress and it is awesome. Foam mattresses are more expensive but worth every penny.

  22. Alan_Schezar says:

    SpikeTV already did a show on this and determined water beds were the best.

  23. framitz says:

    We had a water bed for over 30 years. It really wasn’t that great for fun, but was comfortable for sleeping.
    We purchased a sleep number bed a couple of years ago. It’s almost as comfortable for sleeping, and much better for other things. It’s air filled, but really not like a plain air mattress.

    • quail says:

      Was it a waterbed with baffles? My experience was on one without baffles but it was filled firmly — within specs. Too many beds aren’t filled enough which will cause a roller coaster ride and be too distracting (unless you like that sort of thing).

  24. HogwartsProfessor says:

    I hate waterbeds. I can’t afford one of these foam things, so I guess I’ll stick with my old-fashioned mattress.

    • iesika says:

      Spa Sensations, which I think is the second ranked brand of memory foam mattress on that site, are very reasonably priced (about the same as a mid-low priced coil mattress). You can get it from Walmart with free ship to store. Mine came folded up in a box that fit in my trunk with enough room for the modular platform bed I bought to fit in beside it, so it was really easy to transport. I really love the mattress.

      When you’re buying a foam mattress, you don’t buy box springs. That brings the price down.

  25. gman863 says:

    I purchased a latex mattress a few years ago and have been relatively happy with it.

    Sadly, no matter how much I shopped, I couldn’t find a ribbed one.

  26. trencherman says:

    I think that they missed out on an important judging criteria–which type of mattress disperses the wet spot the best.

  27. iesika says:

    I used Sleep Like The Dead when I bought my current mattress. It’s a great resource. I do remember laughing at the sex thing, but it’s pretty valid. A good friend of mine confirmed the “too much traction” thing, but also told me “it’s way better than that air mattress we had before!”

    I ended up buying a Spa Sensations mattress, and I’m very happy with it (and I was very happy with the price!)