Comcast Is Very Concerned About Your Cocker Spaniels

David is a little confused. First, because received a Comcast bill for two months of service, even though he already submitted a payment. Second, because some denizen of Kabletown has started turning ordinary customer service e-mails in to Mad Libs. Or spell check has gone horribly awry. Or…actually, we’re not quite sure what’s going on here.

David sent a terse e-mail about his billing problem that did not include any references to dogs. Here are the first two paragraphs of Comcast’s reply.

Dear David,

Thank you for contacting Comcast Email Support. My name is [redacted] and I appreciate the time you took to contact us about your billing inquiry.

I understand that you made a payment online with the amount of $170.62, and you just received a bill statement for two(2) months including March. Also you are asking what happen to the payment. I know that it is important for you to determine if the payment you made online has been process for you to be bill accurately. I will be more than happy to provide you the information for you to verify what happen to the payment that you had made. Rest assured that this email will bring your cockers to a resolution.

The e-mail continues in clearly-not-proofread fashion, but with no further random animal name insertions.

If anyone out there has any ideas about where the word “cockers” came from in this message, we–and David–are all ears. Long, floppy, curly-haired ears.

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. seth_lerman says:

    I believe the word that should have been there instead of “cockers” is “concern”.

  2. YouDidWhatNow? says:

    It’s a British slang term, referrring to problems as “cockers” – meaning something that’s been “cocked up.”

    …or is it?

    DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNN!

  3. Cat says:

    This video will show how to bring your “Cockers” to a resolution:

    http://www.videolog.tv/video.php?id=503192

  4. KyBash says:

    Looks to me like someone got new voice-to-text software and it hasn’t adjusted to his accent yet.

  5. Torgonius wants an edit button says:

    A Consumerist post taking jabs at a lack of proofreading??? Hello, Pot? ‘Tis your old pal Kettle here……

  6. PercussionQueen7 says:

    I didn’t get non-proofread, I got an “English is not my first language” vibe.

    • Cat says:

      “Thank you for contacting Comcast Email Support. My name is Peggy…”

    • Yomiko says:

      I have seen batshit terrible writing (in a professional setting) from native speakers. Like so bad that my coworker who also proofread the piece asked whether the writer was a native speaker.

  7. baltimoron says:

    This authors on this site are the last people that should criticize anyone for a lack of proofreading. Nearly every post here is published in a ‘clearly-not-proofread fashion’.

    • catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

      aw, now this one is by laura. laura has an excellent history at proofreading, and following up with corrections when she misses an error

      • Anathema777 says:

        Unless it’s a “fewer” vs “less” error.

        • Agent Hooter Enjoys Enhanced Patdowns says:

          Which is really less an error than someone being obnoxiously pedantic.

      • scoosdad says:

        Not only that but Laura seems to actually take the time to read the comments with her articles so is more likely to make corrections that we all love to whine so much about.

        [waving] Hi Laura!

        I think most of these articles could be far more useful and interesting if the Consumerist authors got involved in the comments and could clarify things as they come up in comments. I read a lot of other sites where the authors aren’t afraid (or prohibited) to comment on their own articles.

    • PercussionQueen7 says:

      I always find Laura’s articles to be well-written, topical, and generally free of errors. Chris and Phil’s articles, though….

  8. Alliance to Restore the Republic of the United States of America says:

    Drop them and go with their competitor. Wait, nevermind.

  9. MathMan aka Random Talker says:

    hehe Comcast Email Support said “resolution”
    .
    .
    .
    hehe “cockers” too

  10. brinks says:

    And there is the reason I choose typos over autocorrect.

    • bhr says:

      I accidentally called a friend a “Penis in my ass” yesterday.. That was the first and last time autocorrect got me.

  11. dulcinea47 says:

    That is not a matter of proofreading, that is a matter of English as a second language. I don’t know where the cockers came from, though.

  12. speaky2k says:

    “I know that it is important for you to determine if the payment you made online has been process for you to be bill accurately.” & “cockers”
    This is likely an auto-reply bot with some mistakes in the programming or as said by others, an English as a second language issue.

  13. samonela says:

    I can’t believe the cold and calloused attitudes of everybody here!

    The email sender was obviously in the process of having a stroke! Yet nobody has called 911? It’s probably too late now.

  14. mingtae says:

    E-mail and online chat support are outsourced. Always better to call in and speak to someone local then take your chances with outsource group

    • Morwen says:

      Exactly! I actually take calls for Comcast (I’m outsourced, but still in North America) – the majority of phone support is in NA but the chat support is usually in Costa Rica or the Philippines. It’s often as frustrating for us as CAE’s as it is for customers.

  15. kokathy says:

    slw nws dy?

  16. evilluckycharms says:

    Never, ever, ever communicate with large companies via the interwebs. Unless you enjoy getting “snips” from people who live in India and are one their 3rd day of ESL, as demonstrated here.

    What a snip is: a small sentence fragment that’s been turned into a button so people who don’t know english/are lazy don’t have to type it out, shortening their work time. For example, many companies will have a vertical menu to the left of their screen that has a list of common response fragments…
    “I am sorry to hear that”
    “Please understand we”
    “I appreciate the time you took to contact us regarding”
    “I understand you are looking to”

    They click a button, assemble an email of nonsensical sentence fragments, add in a few details “to show they read the initial email” and bam, response fired out in 2 minutes, saving the company a 30 minute phone call (and therefore 30 minutes of man hours). When you have a REALLY new person that tries hard to overachieve, they sometimes add in their own words that spell check will ruin. They don’t even notice because spell check is an amazing english translation service to them.

    I hate it. I’ve done it, my husband did it for years. It’s all a bunch of “we really don’t give a crap about you, just your money” BS.

  17. Caffinehog says:

    I’m sure posting this on consumerist will bring his celery to a fine conclusion.

  18. badgeman46 says:

    Jesus Christo! 170 bucks a month to watch TV??? WTF??

  19. soj4life says:

    Did someone not watch the office?