For diehard bacon aficionados, bacon is not just a way of life, but could also be a way to spend eternity. And no, we don’t mean overeating it to the point of artery-clogging, we mean that J&D’s Foods have created what they call the Bacon Coffin, painted to resemble that supreme pork product and cradle you six feet under forevermore.
We once asked what could be next from the makers of Baconnaise and Bacon Baby Formula, and now they’ve answered us with this eternal offering. In a press release (via King5 News in Seattle), owners Justin and Dave write:
Yes, this is really real. Bacon Coffins are finished with a painted Bacon and Pork shading and accented with gold stationary handles. The interior has an adjustable bed and mattress, a bacon memorial tube and is completed in ivory crepe coffin linens. Don’t you judge us, after baconlube (bacon flavored personal lubricant), we all knew it was just going to keep getting weirder. And yeah, your [sic] right we’re probably going to hell for this one.
At a price tag of $2,999.95 plus shipping, we had to wonder whether there was any actual bacon involved (perhaps the casket’s lining?), so we called up J&D’s to ask.
“No, it’s just made to look like bacon,” explained customer service rep Kaitlyn. We suggested that it might behoove them to throw in some of their bacon products to sweeten the deal, to which she replied with a laugh, saying, “I’ll have to run that by Justin and Dave.”
Please do.
Bacon Coffin lets bacon lovers die AND go to Heaven [King5 News]
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Baconlube? BACONLUBE?!?!?
-heads over to Ebay to buy some-
Frak… I don’t want to pay with Paypal…..
Apparently, you can always just yell “fraud” and get your money back AND the lube!
Money + lube = #winning.
Yeah, me neither!
For when you pork…pork.
This may be the greatest substance ever invented.
At least they could provide that bacon-y smell for the interior! That way my Ka can smell the wonderful pork product for all eternity!
Why not be buried in what put ‘cha there? You’ll no doubt be as well preserved, thanks to all the nitrates you’ve eaten.
Perfect for Bin Laden – a little too late guys…..
+100
Why not just be smoked and treated like bacon, then buried in a mummified pig carcass? Then you and your love can finally be one, for eternity.
+a lot
Heh, get buried in a coffin designed after the stuff that killed you.
Personally, my bacon doesn’t look like that.
I love bacon, Bacon Popcorn these guys created is just horrifyingly bad.
I bet the coffin tastes like crap too.
Mrs. Magoo might look at getting one of these for me. She cooked up a pound of bacon the other day and left it on plates to cool.
It disappeared.
She wasn’t happy.
It was good.
Why does my chest hurt?
If you’re buried in one of these, does the minister end the service with,
Ba-dee, ba-dee, ba-dee, that’s all folks!
Coffins are stupid. When you’re dead you can’t enjoy them.
And the people who sell them are the worst.
“Don’t you want your loved one to be comfortable?”
Fucking vultures. The person is DEAD, comfort is no longer an issue.
You know this, yet you still try to prey on those with recently deceased loved ones.
It’s like the Funeral Directors who advertise steel caskets with a 20-year warranty and whatnot. If I ever get buried in one, I’m going to leave specific instructions to dig me up every few years to check on the casket.
I keep bacon salt on my desk for hard boiled eggs. delicious.
I’d want my coffin painted like that on the inside. It wouldn’t help me after I’m dead, but it would please me to know it’s coming before I kick off.
I prefer getting cremated and put in a bacon urn.
If I ever open a hotel, my guests will be issued bacon-scented keycards.
http://www.plicards.com/products/scentedCards
Can we admit now that bacon jumped the cupcake a while ago?
now i want bacon cupcakes
Ask and thou shalt recieve:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/dark-chocolate-bacon-cupcakes/
Looks like orange leeches.
If a Muslim is buried in one of these, does he go to hell?
Yes they do go to hell. Or possibly Waffle House which some would argue would be about the same.
I would have personally chiped in for one of these for Osama Bin Laden. Too bad they were a few months late with it.
I just want a bacon shroud.
I’ve never seen orange bacon before, and I hope I never do.
that’s a casket, not a coffin. weird how people still don’t recognize that there’s a difference.