UPS And My Dog Turn Cupcake Boxes Into Expensive Chew Toy

Crystal’s delivery from a third-party Amazon vendor was already more than a week late, and she lives in Hawaii. When UPS finally showed up with the box, the driver simply pitched it over the five-foot fence and into her yard. The good news is that there was nothing breakable in the box, so the act of hurling the package didn’t damage her purchase. The bad news is that her dog was chilling in the yard at the time, and thought that the box of boxes was for him. To chew.

This is just one part of a longer saga involving the third-party vendor, Amazon, and UPS, but here is the chapter where she discovers the fate of her cupcake boxes.

Apparently, when UPS can’t get into your locked gate that is there for privacy, THEY THROW THE FUCKING BOX INTO YOUR YARD. And I say “throw” because the fence is 5 feet high, so there’s no gentle putting down of boxes happening here.

Boxes2.jpg

From there, our dog Max assumed the package was for him and went to town opening it. He got teeth marks in pretty much every single piece in the box. Quite the talented dog.

I looked around at these fucking nightmarish pieces of cardboard that were supposed to save me time and wanted to pull my hair out in a District 2 Cato rage. Don’t worry, the dog is still alive and unharmed, though he did get so excited that he knocked me on my ass while running around excitedly as I cleaned up. THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

To the stupid idiot driver from UPS: I hope my 85 dollars comes straight out of your pocket and they send you back to do like 500 hours of additional UPS training so that you get it into your thick skull that throwing a box into someone’s yard DOESN’T COUNT AS A SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY.

I could hear our dog puking up cardboard as I wrote this, so thanks for making our dog sick too. Jerk.

We’re just glad to hear that UPS is keeping up with competitors FedEx and the U.S. Postal Service in package-pitching.

The boxes were for a large order of Hunger Games-themed cupcakes. I haven’t read the books, so please provide your own joke in this space.

A Cupcake Box Nightmare – Finale Brought to You By UPS [Pikko's House]

Comments

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  1. penuspenuspenus says:

    Could do without all the fucking cursing.

    • Mr. Fix-It says: "Canadian Bacon is best bacon!" says:

      “Dude, why you gotta curse so much?”

      “What the fuck are you talking about?”

      “Enh, suit yerself.”

    • Laura Northrup says:

      Hell no!

    • The Porkchop Express says:

      Rocco: Fuckin’- What the fuckin’. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking… How did you two fucking fucks…
      [shouts]
      Rocco: Fuck!
      Connor: Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

    • Kyle says:

      I love how you have to read through the carpet f-bombing rant to see at the bottom the writer describes herself as “A short little Asian lady and closet potty mouth‚Ķ” No, really? I would never have guessed.

      • Rachacha says:

        You have to watch out for the innocent looking ones. My son had a laser tag party a couple years ago and invited his friends from school (9 years old). The laser guns that the company brought were extremely realistic looking, and somehow this short, sweet little Asian girl ended up with a sniper rifle that was taller than she was. She found herself a corner in the weeds and was picking off all of her classmates one by one, and eventually started running around with this 3.5 foot long gun doing barrel rolls and ambushing the other players. It was funny, but scary all at the same time.

    • dolemite says:

      Not me, I love it.

    • finbar says:

      I thought the cursing and use of all capitals was perfect. Perhaps the fuctards at UPS will get the message.

  2. Krazycalvin says:

    Nobody to blame but the rather profane dog owner. If they know they are expecting a package of tasty delicious cupcakes why not keep killer inside that day.

    • penuspenuspenus says:

      No fucking cupcakes were harmed. Just the fucking cardboard.

    • annmarizzle says:

      not cupcakes; cupcake BOXES.

    • Tegan says:

      From my understanding, the box only contained folded up cupcake boxes, not actual cupcakes. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect UPS to, you know, do their job and deliver packages properly instead of blindly throwing them over a 5-foot fence.

    • anime_runs_my_life says:

      It’s been said before, it’ll be said again – RTFA. The OP was expecting holders for the cupcakes. You know, to keep the neat cupcakes she’d made steady when she shipped them out after making them.

      • Krazycalvin says:

        I actually read the article and just assumed there were also cupcakes in the cupcake boxes. This makes me question the training or intelligence of the dog even more at this point if it just tears the shit out of anything thrown before it.

        • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

          Obvious troll has no idea about owning dogs?

          • Cor Aquilonis says:

            My dog hasn’t destroyed anything that wasn’t food in over 6 years. My dog respects me enough to not run around in circles and slam into me. Not all dogs are ill-behaved.

            I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, it’s all thanks to the Caesar “Dog Whisperer” Milian.

            And as a long-time dog owner I can say: that lady’s dog is ill-behaved.

            • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

              Luckily, you’re not the person who said the troll comment in the first place. He probably still has no idea.

            • Charmander says:

              I’m a long time dog owner, too, and I think the dog was just being a dog.

          • Krazycalvin says:

            My dog sneezes on command and jumps through hoops I make with my arms and legs. People buy dogs to let them sit their entire lives in the yard with no human contact and expect them to know how they are supposed to act. Good luck with that. When I go on vacation people ASK ME if they can keep my dog because he is loved by everybody who meets him. I was just speaking as a responsible dog owner… not a troll, thank you.

        • nishioka says:

          Who gets cupcakes sent by UPS?

          • Krazycalvin says:

            Somebody in an area that doesn’t have a cupcake ATM?

          • Krazycalvin says:

            And at the same time who gets cupcake boxes mailed to you? Why not just get some generic donut boxes and save the environment the damage caused by having stuff shipped?

    • El_Fez says:

      I know, I was all like What the fuck? keep that shit to your yourself regardless of how much those cocksucker motherfucker cunts piss you off.

      Tits.

    • Difdi says:

      Reading is apparently too hard for you?

  3. wrbwrx says:

    Bad dog owners making dogs look bad.

    • Taliskan says:

      How terrible to let a dog be free in a fenced in yard and want to chew on something! … Terrible dog owner?

      • glasswright says:

        But i I don’t think it is right to expect a UPS delivery man to try to get into a locked yard, that contains a dog. Maybe if the OP wanted her package delivered to her door, she could have unlocked her gate and kept her dog inside the house,

        • Cor Aquilonis says:

          Perhaps they could’ve left a note, seeing as how they have note leaving forms?

        • Krazycalvin says:

          They were too afraid to put the dog in the house because it would tear something up. The dog looks older than a couple years old and it still hasn’t had basic obedience training.

      • jebarringer says:

        As someone who has owned dogs at various points throughout my life, I feel I must pass on this astounding piece of knowledge: you can do this thing called “training your dog not to destroy objects”.

        • Taliskan says:

          Astoundingly, sometimes a dog will be a dog to do what a dog wants. Even with training. Amazing, I know! The nerve of the animal. :P I wouldn’t call her a bad dog owner making other dog owners look bad.

          If the dog tore through the box, ate through the fence, and attack the UPS truck, then OK, I would side with you on this. :)

  4. The Porkchop Express says:

    Apparently some people would have been upset if she decided to put chocolate cupcakes in there.

  5. kranky says:

    So the OP is saying, “UPS, when you can’t get in my yard to make a delivery that I am eagerly waiting for, don’t deliver it all. Don’t make any attempt to get the package onto my property. Because even if you get it over the fence and the fall doesn’t damage it, my dog might chew it up and that’s still your fault.”

    Dear OP, what in the heck do you want them to do?

    • Kyle says:

      RTFA: she wrote she expected to find a cannot-deliver slip in her mailbox and she’d go to the UPS depot to get her box.

      • Taliskan says:

        No, I did read it (original article, not the one above that omits the line of what she expected) — just staing on what would’ve been done.

        Cannot deliver slip because of…? She made the assumption that would happen. She didn’t say, I left a note to the driver that “please do not leave the box here unattended”. Unless it was stated to the driver that the package cannot be left unattended… they are going to deliver the package. Whether it is in front of or beyond the gate.

        When I have something that I do not want left out, I put a note by my door saying expressly not to leave expected package here or please deliver to neighbor or place by side-door. I haven’t had a problem with that.

        What annoys me is that everyone now thinks that USPS, UPS, and FedEx are out to destroy packages. It may surprise people that a majority of the packages are delivered unharmed. Mistakes and accidents can happen, but people don’t seem to want to account for that. Do you get a bad-egg deliveryperson now and again, sure. But can’t say that they are all bad because of those few.

    • clippy2.0 says:

      Really? You want an answer? How about step 1: do not throw boxes? My UPS driver is awesome, we’ve actually worked out an arrangement that if I’m not home, he’ll just leave the box’s in my jeep. But my UPS guy is a cool dude, I even got him a christmas card! I always feel bad for people with shitty delivery people

    • Taliskan says:

      I’m confused here too. If there is a call button or doorbell at the gate/fence, then yes, UPS should press it. Or at least ring it, leave the box by the gate. My UPS driver does just this on my porch. He rings the bell and leaves the package.

      I can also see the UPS guy going, “Well, I don’t want to chance it leaving the box outside the gate to be stolen, let me put it over fence.” Being a 5 foot fence, no would would have to “hurl” a box over it unless you are tremendously short. Being a box of cardboard, I can’t imagine the box was all that heavy that he let it drop from a few feet on the other side of the fence.

      What I have a feeling of what happened here is that the UPS guy tried to do something considerate and it backfired. I am sure he did not throw the box as hard as he could towards the dog to entice the dog to shred the box.

      OP should calm down a bit. Sometimes mistakes happen and that not all UPS deliverymen are out to destroy your package.

      • jvanbrecht says:

        My wife makes cupcakes.. my wife has also ordered the boxes, very similar to what the OP ordered.. and I can tell you.. they weigh a freaking ton and a half..

        They are in no way light.. individually, sure, 100 or more unfolded pieces of cardboard in a box.. not so much.

        Also, what I would expect from any delivery person, no matter how important the delivery, is to follow the process, ring bell, if no answer, and it is not safe to leave the item outside the gated area, is to leave a delivery attempt tag, and try again per their processes and then return to sender.

        There are two parties involved here, the deliverer, and the deliveree, if the dilveree did not leave instructions, or was unable to take delivery of the item after all of the processes have been followed, then the deliverer just sends the package back to sender.

        • Taliskan says:

          From the picture above it doesn’t seem all that large or heavy. As someone who deals with various packages daily, I would chalk it up to all being relative. Even so, if it were an exceedingly heavy box (though, looking up the weight and multiplying it out still doesn’t make it quite seem a “ton and half”), it wouldn’t have hurled. Pushed up the fence and dropped, maybe.

          Semantics.

          Like I said, it seems (possible) good intentions backfired, and OP was a little over the top in the above article. I would imagine since no signature was required the package should have normally been left outside the gate, like I have seen done. He could’ve left a slip saying that he needed a signature to authorize release. But even then, without the OP stating where the package should be left the same events could’ve happened.

          There’s some missing information, so there’s assumptions all around.

          As far as I am willing to see it with what is provided above, it was an accident not malicious intent. OP should be able to get replacements without much fuss.

        • Jawaka says:

          Generally a delivery tag isn’t necessary unless a signature is required.

  6. cparkin says:

    What a cute fucking dog.

    • Yomiko says:

      Looks just like one of mine. Dumb as a bag of rocks and occasionally eat things that are not food. Not chews, EATS thm then a) barfs them up or b) requires surgery. We like him anyway.

  7. Guppy06 says:

    So the UPS driver was supposed to enter a fenced-in yard containing an unrestrained dog? A dog, I note, unruly enough to knock down its own owner?

    • KyBash says:

      I imagine she wanted him to do his job properly — if no one answered, either leave the package or a note.

      Heaving it over the fence is idiotic.

      • Golfer Bob says:

        Right. If the driver couldn’t complete the delivery, leave the delivery notice and take the package back to the terminal.

      • hmburgers says:

        Unless the sender specifies not to deliver w/o a signature, SOP for all deliveries is to leave them… If UPS and the like had to bring everything back to dispatch when they discovered no one was home (or answering the door) then I’d guess that the majority of the residential deliveries would be returned to the distribution center every day. What a damn waste.

    • drjayphd says:

      You say “unruly”, I R’ed theFA and say “excited”.

  8. AlteredBeast (blaming the OP one article at a time.) says:

    What if this was a box of dark chocolates? Or dog poison?

  9. Remarkable Melba Kramer says:

    Although the OP is a short asian (as she describes herself on her blog), maybe the UPS driver isn’t and didn’t have to “throw the f*cking” over your fence. Perhaps he could just reach over the fence and drop it safely.

    And maybe the driver thought it was safer to put it inside a locked security fence instead of just leaving it where someone could swipe it.

    Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

    • jvanbrecht says:

      It is not damned if you do, damned if you don’t.. It is straight up damned. leave an undeliverable tag and let the owner arrange pickup.

      I realize that people want their orders, and the delivery guys really want to help out people, but there is a certain point where you have done what you can, and then follow procedure.

    • AlteredBeast (blaming the OP one article at a time.) says:

      At minimum, the drop would be 4 feet, if he was able to reach over and below the top of the fence by a full foot. Is that too much? Depends on the item, and how well it is packed. But does HE know if it is too much?

    • dolemite says:

      “safer to shot-put it inside ” fixed!

    • KyBash says:

      If these are anything like the cardboard boxes I dealt with, there’s no way he could hold the package in one hand and ‘reach over’ the fence. From the picture it’s plain they aren’t corrugated cardboard, they’re solid. When folded flat, such things weigh nearly as much as a block of wood the same size (which isn’t surprising since they’re highly-compressed wood pulp).

  10. brinks says:

    I feel bad for the OP and her puking dog, but what was UPS supposed to do? Does the driver haven to risk a dog bite or risk letting the dog get loose?

  11. longfeltwant says:

    “throwing a box into someone’s yard DOESN’T COUNT AS A SUCCESSFUL DELIVERY.”

    Can we discuss whether this is true? The box was in fact placed on her property. If the box was not marked as fragile, and in fact was not fragile, then I imagine many customers would really appreciate their precious non-fragile parcel to be left in the yard, rather than having to wait another couple days for re-delivery.

    • dolemite says:

      I don’t know of anyone that would rather have their package shot-putted 6 feet through the air to tumble recklessly through their yard to sit out in the elements for who knows how long than simply pick it up or have it left gently on their doorstep.

      • Taliskan says:

        I’m OK with a package placed over the fence in my yard if the opposing choice was outside the fence/gate.

        It’s a bit of a leap to say that this was “shot-putted”. Unless you were speaking generally. Then yes, I rather not have my packaged launched. Unless it was really heavy – entertainment value in the attempt.

      • jeadly says:

        Straw-man is made of straw.

  12. j2.718ff says:

    The part of this story involving the dog is 100% irrelevant.

    What was the condition of the package when the delivery man left? Unfortunately, we don’t know.

  13. TheMansfieldMauler says:

    A friend of mine had a dog that was known to tear up any delivery packages, so put a wire cage on the front porch and put a laminated notice on it saying it was for deliveries. The UPS/FedEx/Post Office people put the packages in there. Pretty easy solution if this is an ongoing issue.

  14. Hi_Hello says:

    Im blaming OP.

    1) she doesn’t train her dog not to chew stuff.

    2) she has a fence but didn’t make arrangement with UPS. She could’ve called with the tracking number and told them to hold the package if she know there’s no way they can get the package through the gate properly.

    I’ve made arrangement with UPS, USPS, and Fedex that if any package (which is rare) that needs to be delivered, they can open the porch door and leave it there.

    • Coleoptera Girl says:

      I find 1) to be irrelevant. One could be in the process of no-chewing training and still have this happen (although this is not what happened in their article, it seems).
      On the other hand, 2) is it exactly. If you know your dog chews (or it is a particularly valuable package or other special conditions apply), leave special instructions.

      • Hi_Hello says:

        yea 1 could be flawed. some dogs can’t be training no to chew… but the owner should adjust according.

    • jeadly says:

      You can even log onto the UPS website to make arrangements to pick up a package BEFORE a failed delivery. I get an email the day before UPS is scheduled to deliver anything to my house.

  15. MichaelRyanSD says:

    Yeah I don’t think your going to get much sympathy here short asian lady. If decided not to make a delivery you’d be writing about how why didn’t the UPS man use his head and leave the package over the wall. It was YOUR dog that chewed it up, not him. I can’t imagine this was the first time you figured out your dog was a chewer.

  16. eturowski says:

    My parents used to have a 95-lb chocolate lab that would eat anything (food, cardboard, plastic, shoes, a whole tub of margarine, etc.), and then attack if you tried to take his “prize” away from him. If we were expecting a delivery, you can be damned sure we didn’t leave the dog out unattended without checking for a package first. And if we weren’t expecting a delivery, well, the dog occasionally got a new chew toy – but we still usually checked for packages before letting the dog outside in general.

  17. Cosmo_Kramer says:

    The only thing UPS POSSIBLY did wrong here was throw the package over the gate. But we don’t have any way to know if they actually did that. If the gate had any space for hm to stick his hand through, he could have easily handed the package over the gate to his other hand and lowered it safely.

    • makoto says:

      I highly doubt any UPS driver exerted that much effort in delivering a package. What should have happened was that he either didn’t deliver the package or he should have placed it outside the gate, by the opening, where someone who was leaving or entering the property would notice it (i.e. the people who are obviously expecting a package).

  18. seeUserName says:

    Do not leave dogs in yard and expect anyone to enter. Also, you seem like a fucking fuck for all the cursing asshole fucker.

  19. framitz says:

    I don’t blame the OP, but GOOD DOG!

  20. unpolloloco says:

    I highly doubt these fence-throwing incidents result in the packages being handled any worse than they are in the shipping depots…

  21. jeffpiatt says:
    • Hi_Hello says:

      i don’t understand why she should get a refund…

      seller shipped the product never got to the buyer. seller offer to ship it again since UPS claim was approved.

      it’s not the seller’s fault what happen to the package…

  22. xjeyne says:

    “You should do your job. Because it’s your job. ‘Cause you’re the person standing there doin’ that thing, so just DO IT. Do the shit out of it! Why wouldn’t you? It drives me crazy when someone has a job they don’t like so they do it shitty. What kind of a response is that? If you do it shitty isn’t it worse for YOU?!”
    -Louis CK
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzxcjg7YZSs

  23. Portlandia says:

    My first thought was “irrisponsible dog owner gets what she deserves” but then thought, what if the box had fallen in a puddle, or got wet by sprinklers or any other hazzard that couldn’t be seen over a 5 foot fence (I’ve seen the videos, I would bet the UPS driver didn’t even look over the fence). I would hold UPS responsible for all these scenarios, I don’t see the actions of a dog to be any different.

    I also think the OP should have her mouth washed out with soap, but that’s another conversation.

    • Kuri says:

      Also ,what if the box contained chocolate, or expensive electronics. The dog would have surely eaten it all and likely died.

  24. Golfer Bob says:

    Seriously, does anybody read? The box did not contain cupcakes or even cupcakes in boxes. The box contained little boxes to hold cupcakes. Cupcakes not included. Grrrrr….

  25. Warren - aka The Piddler on the Roof says:

    To OP:

    1) Gate was locked. Was there a doorbell? If not, f*ck you.

    2) There was a dog loose on the other side of locked gate. Looks big enough to take a chunk out of driver’s ass. So f*ck you.

    What was the driver supposed to do? Scale your fence, set up a zip line, slide over to your chimney and shimmy down like f*cking Santa Claus?

    Maybe the OP can sue UPS because SHE’S a stupid idiot asshole. She can use the money for shock therapy and a Cristal enema.

  26. Clevelandchick says:

    For those blaming the OP:

    The package was delivered late…more than 1 week late, so the OP would have no idea it would arrive that day or that she should leave the gate open and keep her dog inside.

    UPS should have left a note…even if the package isn’t marked fragile, the delivery person had no idea what was inside wasn’t breakable. Dumping a package over a 5 ft fence is never justified.

    I have picked up packages at the UPS facility that could not be left on my porch. All UPS had to do is leave one of their boilerplate notices they have expressly for that purpose.

    The OP is not at fault, UPS is.

  27. Talisker says:

    I don’t blame the UPS driver from not wanting to enter a yard where a dog was running around.

  28. Corinthos says:

    Pissing me off that UPS no longer knocks. I’m home waiting for a package and wonder where it is. So I go to track it on the site to find out its been delivered to the side of my front door for two hours.

    What was messed up the day before they left one of those things on the door saying they would try delivering it again and I guess the second attempt they just didn’t give a crap.

    I don’t know if they changed something or I just have a crappy driver but they have not knocked in a couple a months. I get something delivered about 2 days a week.

  29. Robin says:

    One reason I love reading the Consumerist is trying to guess how the comments will blame the OP…

  30. hmburgers says:

    It’s not UPS’ job to deal with your dog. Dog should be on a run or leash away from the front gate and door.

    When I delivered newspapers people used to bitch me out for “throwing the paper on the walk” instead of putting it at the foot of the door… I’d always say the same thing, I only walk as far as it’s safe, and when you have a dog in your front yard you get the paper tossed from the street and that’s it…

    I don’t get people like this… don’t you understand that your dog probably does NOT like strangers wandering into it’s area? and even if it doesn’t care (or likes it), can’t you understand the hesitation of delivery people who DO find most dogs don’t like it?

  31. kobresia says:

    It sounds like the OP expected UPS and/or the shipper to be psychic, they should’ve just KNOWN that she wanted the box held-for-pickup and not left in her yard like normal people generally do.

    The moral: Shut your fucking piehole, stop bitching, and next time, instruct the shipper to have your shipment held for pickup at the nearest customer counter. If they can’t or won’t follow those instructions, only then is it not your fucking fault.

  32. makoto says:

    …loved the Hunger Games reference!

  33. dks64 says:

    I blame the OP because her rant makes me want to punch her in the face. She’s a bitch. Talking down to someone who is trying to help you makes you a horrible person. She does have a cute dog though, hope he’s okay.

  34. aleck says:

    I believe the f****ing douche Crystal deserves it.

  35. MECmouse says:

    I can’t believe everyone is defending UPS!? WTH, people? They ‘delivered’ a package to me last week. The word delivered is in quotes because our guy rings, bangs on the door, drops the package and then runs for his trunk before you can even make it to the door not even knowing whether or not we’re home. Luckily, I was home to go out, saw his foot as he turned the corner, to get the $100 item my husband had ordered.

    This is piss poor ‘delivery’ service on any company’s account. It doesn’t matter what you ordered.

    With computers there is NO reason they cannot ask when the best time to deliver a package is and deliver it THEN. They could even set up an automated call system to save drivers time to see if people were home — my doctor’s office has THAT.

    Bad service is what it is and it is not this lady’s fault.