How Giving To Charity Can Be Like Getting Your Name And Number Scrawled On A Bathroom Wall

Gifts to many charities can backfire, placing you on hit lists for other organizations that share information about their networks of benefactors. A donation can place you in the crosshairs of other companies in need of donations, bombarding you with cold calls and mailings and making you feel like the object of one of those “for a good time, call XXX” messages etched on bathroom stalls.

A Frugal Beautiful post laments falling into this plight, explaining how it makes the writer question whether or not it’s worth giving to organizations that can’t respect your privacy. Some nonprofits lack a system to let you opt out of info sharing, getting you stuck in an endless loop of solicitation.

Before you choose a recipient for your charity, it’s a good idea to talk with someone who’s given to that organization about their experience. Also, you might want to speak with people at the organizations about their policies on sharing your information.

Also, remember that there’s also always the option of giving anonymously.

The Do-Gooder’s Dilemma [Frugal Beautiful]

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  1. Cat says:

    Most non-profits will jump at the chance to earn any money – and their mailing lists are easy money.

    • vastrightwing says:

      THIS!

      Want to know why I never donate money to established charities? The short answer is the exact reason stated in the article. Yep. I even got lied to on the phone by a solicitor when I balked about donating money. I asked point blank if I donated that they’d STOP calling me for a year. “YES” said the solicitor. LIER! The calls kept coming. So, now I’m off all those lists and I’ll never be on another list. I also took all my family members with me. Now, my whole family stopped donating money and the calls have stopped. Ironic huh?

      • nugatory says:

        agreed.

        I donated to a police widow fund. Less than a month later I started getting calls from Firefighters groups, other police charities, etc. I haven’t donated since other than when in person where I can hand them cash and refuse to provide any identifiable information.

    • jesusofcool says:

      Non-profit fundraiser here – most charities do not sell their donor lists. It is true that many charities will trade their donor list with other area organizations with a similar mission (i.e. if you donate to a local animal shelter, they might trade their list with another local organization that prevents cruelty to animals). There’s an ethical distinction though between trading lists in this way (a way for non-profits to reach local, philanthropic people with similar interests) and profiting off of donor’s names.

  2. publicblast says:

    Definitely call up a charity and ask. I quit giving to the Humane Society (among other reasons) because I asked one of their reps if they could guarantee that my name would not be sold or traded to another organization. They said, “Um, I can’t make any promises on that.”

  3. Hi_Hello says:

    no name, address, or email should be given. IF you are writing a check, you are screwed.

    I don’t even know how they got my P.O. Box….

    • pecan 3.14159265 says:

      You can donate anonymously, but you still need to provide that information for billing purposes if you are donating via credit card.

    • IphtashuFitz says:

      You need to provide a basic level of contact information if you plan to write the donation off on your taxes. The IRS is actually getting more strict about this. You used to just need to show that you received a “thank you” from the charity/non-profit. Now you need a letter from them stating the amount you donated.

  4. maxamus2 says:

    My wife had volunteered for a year at an after school program, she helped kids that were failing.

    Mistakenly she gave them her phone number, address and email address.

    For years we have been onslaught from not only this organization, but others now, to donate money. She gets calls, emails and letters.

    Then again, this is no different than when you go to buy something from a store and they want your email to put “in their computer” and they swear to you that it is safe. Yeah, right.

  5. Cat says:

    My solution has been getting Jenny a lot of requests for donations.

  6. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    It’s really hard to stop the snowball effect of spam once a nonprofit sells its distribution list. I get spam from the World Wildlife Fund even though I’ve never donated to it. I suspect it’s because a friend made a donation in my name to a different conservation group and that group sold the list.

  7. TrustAvidity says:

    No good deed goes unpunished.

  8. Marlin says:

    Also look up to see how of your money will be helping the cause and how much is helping the “charity”.

    I think Susan g komen only gives like 20% to actual cancer research. The top people make GOOD six figiure salary.

  9. ScandalMgr says:

    Well, Komen is out. So is the Breast Cancer Foundation since they call incessantly, and their fundraising overheard is around 70%.

    Telephone defense: Have the telephone “Disconnect” tone ready to play on an audio player. After a couple times they will stop calling.

    • Hoss says:

      You’re not even remotely close. 60% is prevention (education-related), screening and direct care. 20% is research. The balance is the combination of marketing (10%) and administration (10%) which has benefited the cause to becoming a $2 billion funding machine.

      • Marlin says:

        And how much of that 60% is being given to “friends” of the top people.

        Follow the money, susan G represents itself, not cancer research or people with cancer.

      • blue_muse says:

        Education includes advertising to promote “awareness”. All those pink ribbons fall under “education”.

  10. patty says:

    drs. without borders sold me out, and they called me. I even opted out. When I get phone call nows, I calmly explain why I no longer give and ask them to stop calling me.

  11. TheMansfieldMauler says:

    My ex-wife donated a single bag of clothes to some kidney foundation charity once, and the volume of subsequent phone calls just from them made me not want to ever give to a charity again.

    If you want to make sure you get plenty of charity calls in a year – anywhere from 3-8 per day – join the local Chamber of Commerce.

  12. IphtashuFitz says:

    I have two approaches for these sorts of phone calls:

    1. I inform the caller that I don’t give money or make pledges over the phone. They can snail-mail me information on their charity and I’ll seriously consider it and mail a check if I’m interested. This seems to help me get removed from solicitation lists rather than added to more.

    2. I use Caller ID and voicemail so that I don’t have to talk to these people anyway. Over the past month I’ve been ignoring a number of calls with an ID of “cancer fund”, and since they never leave a message I guess they don’t really want my money anyway.

    • Hoss says:

      Depending on your phone service, you can also block numbers.

    • zibby says:

      Yeah, some organizations will identify themselves via caller ID, but most don’t – I get “private caller” and “unavailable” a lot. I don’t pick up, and for some reason they never leave messages…

      • Not Given says:

        It’s because they are using an autodialer that hangs up when it gets voicemail or if more people answer than there are representatives available.

  13. tacitus59 says:

    I no longer give to March of Dimes because of their phone calls. Plus March of Dimes is one of many charities who push yearly membership, but only when its convenient for them.

  14. cameronl says:

    Pro tip (I’m in the biz):
    Just say, “Please don’t share my name.”
    Boom. Done.
    It really works.
    Same thing works for telemarketing, additional appeals, etc.
    (BTW: my non-profit does NOT share, rent or sell our donors’ info.)

    • George4478 says:

      No, it does not work. Or perhaps all the calls I continue to get are just my imagination.

      Maybe YOUR nonprofit honors that request. I can guarantee at least a dozen others that do not. I bought a Digitone call blocker just so that I could stop the calls from ringing my phone. My call log will have at least 2 blocked calls today between 9 and 9:15 am from one of three charities that have been calling relentlessly for the past couple of weeks.

      And the idea that this also works with telemarketers is ludicrous, even with the do not call list. They blatantly ignore the DNC list and requests to remove your name.

      • cameronl says:

        They are exempt from the DNC list, but should honor requests. They are “persistant” because they can’t read minds. If you screen the calls and don’t answer, they’ll assume you’re not home and try again. Eventually, they’ll move on. Once you answer and say, “No thanks, please remove me from your list,” that should be the end of it. And be clear. Just hanging up or saying, “No” to this particular appeal doesn’t get you off the list.

        I will concede that many very small non-profits use questionable call services. If you have problems getting off the list, talk directly to the non-profit rather than the person calling you.

        Many smaller non-profits work on a shoestring (you DO want most of the money to go to the cause, not the office staff, right?), and sometimes requests get misplaced (hell, I’ve done it myself). Sometimes you have to ask more than once…. sometimes.

        The one thing to keep in mind is that they are doing their best to raise funds. They mail that extra letter because it gets results. Same with the phone calls. But they get BETTER results if they don’t contact the people that said they don’t want the letter or call. Crazy, right?

        At least a THIRD of my donors are marked “do not call.” I’m not going to waste my money (THEIR money) calling them anyway.

    • friesentl says:

      My organization is like yours, in that if you ask us to change something (like “please stop mailing journals to me”) we do it. I don’t think all orgs have the same idea.

      Really, I don’t want to piss a donor off by sending too much mail or calling if they don’t want me. If someone tells me not to call, I make a note in our donor system and stop calling. If our organization is annoying you then you’re certainly not going to give.

      Sometimes the crazy-person angry “RETURN TO SENDER” mail is pretty funny, though.

    • jesusofcool says:

      I too work in fundraising for a non-profit and I completely agree. We’re not mind readers. If you don’t want your name to be shared, don’t want to be called, don’t want to be emailed, etc. share that clearly the first time you give and most reputable organizations should honor it. If you have concerns, call the fundraising or membership department directly and ask to speak with someone who works on maintenance of their database. Ask them to articulate the system they have in place for if someone doesn’t want to be called or emailed or their name exchanged. They should be able to quickly and clearly state what their procedure is. For us, it’s a permanent code to let us know to exclude you when we pull lists in the future and a note in record documenting your request.

  15. Dallas_shopper says:

    I only get spam from WWF. I get periodic requests from Operation Kindness which is a no-kill shelter here in north Texas, but I’ve donated to them before and adopted from them before, so it’s not a surprise. I kick a few $$ their way from time to time.

  16. Cat says:

    I make cash donations anonymously to groups of fallen women. So far, I haven’t received any solicitations from any other fallen women at my home.

  17. John says:

    Agree 100% with the OP. I had to stop giving to a bunch of charities because of this. Also, the most egregious of the “charities” that did this are the NON-DEDUCTIBLE police, fire, etc. charities where they pressure you to donate. Giving to the police, triggered calls from the fire department.

    • Vengefultacos says:

      The thing that pisses me off about the police charity around here (comes up on the caller is “Mass FOP” Massachusetts Fraternal order of Police) is that I got a call from them on a brand new landline phone number *the day it was activated*. When I answered, they asked for me by name. The only way they could have gotten that info is that the police are skimming the 911 emergency database right into their charity’s hands.

      Yeah, that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about your charity.

    • D007H says:

      A few years ago, I found out that many of the local police and fireman charities in my area are hardly that. Those departments lend their name to professional telemarketers who do the actual fundraising and keep most of the donations. The actual police or fire department gets very little. So now when they call, I tell them straight off “Put me on your do not call list.” It’s all just a big scam.

  18. chijosh says:

    I give to a number of charities so it’s impossible to know who has sold me out when my snail mail and email boxes fill up with “PLEASE help us!” junk from other charities (some of which I assume are great, worthwhile charities…but I only have so much money to go around).

  19. girly says:

    I gave to a charity through Global Giving once, and even though I checked their ‘anonymous’ donation box, my name was still posted on their site and within a very short time was appearing in search results. I contacted them immediately, and although it took them a day or two they were able to fix it in the end.

  20. StarKillerX says:

    Last year I took over managing the finances of my elderly mother and the amount of junk mail she gets trying to scam her out of money for one cause or another is simply frightening.

    They come in boxes, bags, colored plastic envelopes, packages that look like prescriptions, ultility bills or even netflix shipments. Anything to get your attention and the so called charities are so incredibly sleezy and slimey and if they aren’t trying to scare the elderly into giving they try and trick them into giving.

    A perfect example, she live in place called Dunkirk NY and recieved a letter that said it was from the “Dunkirk Utilities Commissions” and the letter said that unless she sent at least $100 by a certain date that all bills for utilities will increase, by at least 100%. Of course the return address was a PO box in Washington.

    We tracked over 20 different senior citizen type “charities” to a single company in Wyoming that lists only a single employee on file.

    • ninabi says:

      Your situation could be a post unto itself. My mother in law has fallen prey to some of these as well. This needs to be a story, with images of the scam envelopes.

      • StarKillerX says:

        Hadn’t even considered it or I’d have sent it in.

        Although since she literally gets a mailbox full of this crap each day I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before that one shows up again.

        • PencilSharp says:

          I’m with ninabi on this. Use the “Submit a Tip” link at the top and give as much info as possible. Odds are, X, you’re looking at the efforts of only one or two companies that pay these “charities” a flat annual fee for the rights to use their name and keep all the cash for themselves. It’s a particularly nasty piece of work and deserves as much sunlight as possible.

          BTW, you should probably let your state’s Attorney General and the Better Business Bureau in on this. Depends on how much time you have to give to this…

    • KhaiJB says:

      I know exactly what you mean.
      when I moved in with my Wife and her Mother, they were getting 15-20 calls a day for my Mother In Law. (no exaggeration),

      I took over answering the phone. I’ve heard it all from they spoke to her yesterday (they did’nt) to being family members to legal threats to… you name it these scum – and yes I say scum. I doubt any were actually involved in the “charities” they claimed – would try anything to get money.

      took about 5 years to get off the lists in the end. just by telling them to get lost and hanging up. eventually you do get removed…..

      • StarKillerX says:

        Oh scum is to nice a word, they are so sleezy sometime I wish it were legal to physically hunt the people behind these down and gut them like a fish!

  21. ArizonaGeek says:

    If you’ve ever given to any 503 charity your name is on a list and that list is shared with like minded charities. I used to work for a company that did development and hosting of exactly that, lists of names of anyone who had ever donated to any one for anything. Charities could then subscribe to these lists and search based on their specific cause. So if you donated to 20 animal charities and nothing else, someone working for autism or breast cancer wouldn’t likely call you but every animal shelter in the US would. The list of names we used would come from the Lexus Nexus database, the IRS and other government agencies and then from the charities themselves. If you donate, give cash and don’t give your name and don’t claim the tax write off. So buy Girl Scout cookies or dump change in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas. That is about the only way your name won’t be spread.

    Me, I give to animal charities when I can and I don’t mind getting mail about it. I give when I can, I check out the organization before hand and if I can’t donate at that time I don’t. I wish I could but, while I do okay, I am still not wealthy enough to give to all of them. And I think even wealthy people pick their causes and stick to them and only give to the same few organizations each year. And yes, since the IRS does provide the information these lists also know your salary. So if you make $250k a year you will get more calls then the someone who makes $25k a year.

    • inputhike says:

      Wrong.
      While there are databases of donors available for sale/purchase, not all nonprofits sell their names to such databases, and not all buy them either. (In fact, not all donors are entered into ANY database. Many small nonprofits don’t do much beyond cash the check.)

      To my knowledge the IRS does NOT give out names of donors as such. Nonprofit 990 filings are required to include the names of donors over $5,000, but the IRS does not aggregate that information. (And nonprofits do not report data on individual donations to the IRS at all. It all just gets lumped together as one line item without details on the individual donors.)

      (Where fundraising databases get salary information from I’m not completely sure, but it’s NOT from the IRS. I work for a nonprofit and we’ve never used such a database, but my guess is that these amounts are guesses, and perhaps 5 organizations are guessing your income, and the database likely averages them.)

      Honestly, there are a couple ways not to get on lots of nonprofit mailing lists:
      1. Only give to small nonprofits. Seriously, most organizations with annual budgets under, say, $250,000 have very unsophisticated fundraising shops. They don’t buy or sell lists and they don’t call or mail often. They are likely to note your name with the donation in their accounting software, and hopefully they’ll send you a thank you letter that doubles as an acknowledgement for tax purposes. They might mail you occasionally in future years to ask for more. That’s likely to be it.
      2. Ask nonprofits to take you off their mailing/phone lists, and not to share your name. Any reputable organization will do their best to comply with this request. (Keep in mind that a list sold tomorrow might not be mailed for a couple months, so don’t expect instant.)

      See, for instance, the Association of Fundraising Professionals (AFP) “Donor Bill of Rights” http://www.afpnet.org/Ethics/EnforcementDetail.cfm?ItemNumber=3359 and Code of Ethics http://www.afpnet.org/Ethics/content.cfm?ItemNumber=3093&navItemNumber=536

      (And this comes from years of working in nonprofits. Most of us strive for ethical best practices in all areas of operations.)

      • inputhike says:

        Can I not edit? The parenthetical in the third paragraph should say that smaller donations (i.e., under $5,000) are not individually reported to the IRS.

  22. Quake 'n' Shake says:

    Agreed. My wife makes a couple of checks out, and suddenly every organization with their hand out is sending junk mail to my house. The overwhelming majority of my junk mail is from charitable groups.

  23. Nyxalinth says:

    I work on the phones as a fundraiser for various causes through a fundraising company. I don’t know about the individual charities, but my company doesn’t trade or sell information.

    I’m not going to be there forever, because while I believe in the causes, I don’t make a lot, and I still need to survive.

    • cameronl says:

      Great googly moogly, the company better NOT be selling the names! Those companies work FOR the charity, and #1 on the contract is they are NOT allowed to do that, it’s the charity itself that does the renting.

  24. xspook says:

    I had one organization call me and one of the reasons they stated that I should donate to them is that they don’t telemarket. I went f-ing ballistic.

  25. Sarek says:

    My mother died 11 years ago, yet somehow (even though I rarely see junk mail that says, “notify of address change”), I get charity junk mail for her at my address.

    Another peeve is that the acknowledgement letters the charities send you say, “thanks for your contribution of $x. Here’s an envelope to send more.”

  26. Mrs. w/1 child says:

    Donate through your church, they don’t sell your info. Often you can donate money to specific programs that you feel are very beneficial.

  27. Cicadymn says:

    I’ve been turned off giving blood because of this exact problem. I have AB Negative blood and I get bombarded with calls and letters asking me to come in to donate again right away. I like to do it once or twice a year during company events, but if I do I’m harassed non-stop.

    I mean, I’d think vampires wouldn’t even be this relentless.

    • PhiTauBill says:

      “I mean, I’d think vampires wouldn’t even be this relentless.”

      Awesome, simply awesome… made my day with that one… thanks!

    • Sarek says:

      Yup, I get constant junk mail, calls, and emails every few weeks announcing that there will be a blood drive practically in my backyard. It doesn’t matter that I had just donated, or that their definition of backyard is way different from mine.

      As Dracula might say, “you’re just my type. A Positive.”

    • caradrake says:

      I am totally going to start a blood center and use that gimmick. Have all of the employees dress up as vampires, the entire blood-mobile bedecked in vampire pop culture…

  28. runchadrun says:

    Someone got ahold of my credit card number and, before buying plane tickets to Panama, tested it out by making a $10 donation to the March of Dimes. Even though I filed a fraud complaint on both charges (since they were both fraudulent the bank said I had to) every month I get more address labels and other stuff from March of Dimes, and now I’m getting stuff from other random health-related charities.

    • halo969 says:

      Well at least you never have to write out your return address on a letter ever again in your life. ;)

      I have enough of those return address labels to last me well beyond living at my current address.

  29. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    I’ve gotten on charity mailing lists too, and when I called them to find out who sold my name, or where they got it, they won’t tell me. I get them to stop calling/mailing by actually calling the organizations and having my name taken off the list.

    I think it should be mandetory that they tell us where they get our names. That way, I can stop giving to the group who sold my name in the first place.

  30. Vengefultacos says:

    I gave money to Greenpeace once (I was young, there was a cute young woman canvassing the neighborhood in the rain who looked painfully thin… I was worried they wouldn’t feed her unless she got some money… and did I mention I was young..).

    No real explosion of junk mail there. A year or so later, they asked for me to renew my “membership,” so I did… and suddenly, the junkmail tsunami hit… just from that one single donation, I got several pieces of junkmail per day, all of them unironically asking me to save the earth. The WWF sent me one piece of mail every other day, including a huge freaking calendar, unbidden and unwanted.

    *Plus* Greenpeace immediately started telling me I needed to renew my membership again or else I would be personally responsible for Flipper getting caught in a tuna net. . I mailed them a letter (since it was back in the days before email and twitter) saying “wait a minute, I just renewed, and hey, did you sell my name to every bleeding heart organization on the planet?” I got a reply that said “Ooops! Sorry, we had an issue with our membership list, all fixed now! And yeah, we whored out your personal info to everyone on the planet. Enjoy!” Several days later, I got another letter from them: “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! YOUR NOT GIVING US MONEY! WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO CLUB A BABY SEAL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!”

    At that point, I essentially sent them a cease and desist letter, telling them to never contact me again, to take my name off of every mailing list they rented out. I also started sending back every piece of junk mail I got from every organization dumb enough to include a business reply mail envelope (including the huge-ass calendar that the WWF sent, ripped into small enough pieces to be stuffed back into the envelope).

    The junkmail stopped soon after.

    Since then, I’ve donated to few charities. I once tried to donate to a charity (a women’s shelter) that supposedly offered a “Anonymous donation” option on their website. Apparently, “anonymous” meant something different to them than to be, because I ended up on their mailing list anyhow, but at least they didn’t seem to sell my info. They took me off the list after I didn’t donate for several years in a row, having been pissed that they lied about being anonymous.

  31. nbs2 says:

    Some of what people are describing as problematic fits Consumers Union. We donated, and for the year after, we were constantly getting envelopes to donate more and advertising in CR to donate or use other CU services. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that our info was sold.

  32. Starfury says:

    ONE time my wife gave to a charity and years later we still get return address labels, postcards, calendars and other stuff from about a dozen different charities. It’s worst around the holidays with about 3x the usual volume.

  33. eezy-peezy says:

    I don’t care who sends me mail solicitations. I have an endless supply of return address labels, notecards, etc. PLUS free kindling for my 2 wood stoves. Bring it on!

  34. brinks says:

    How about liking a charity on Facebook?

    I liked the shelter that my awesome doggie came from. Then, I started getting friend requests from shelters and rescue organizations. Now, my Facebook feed looks like an ASPCA commercial, and I swear I hear “In the Arms of an Angel” every time I scroll through it.

  35. and_another_thing says:

    Years ago, after giving to my local public radio station, the university called me to beg for money and tried to use my radio station donation as part of a guilt trip. I contacted the radio station and got that shut down right away.

  36. elangomatt says:

    I have noticed this too. I think they might have finally stopped but for a year or two I would get 2 or 3 calls a month asking for money for various charities, and it was always the same company calling. I’d answer, then they’d give their schpeel and ask if they could put me down for some amount. I said no sorry, I can’t afford it right now. Then, they would ask if they could put me down for half of the original amount. I declined again and then they thanks me for my time and wished me a good day. It was just so funny since I could tell they were just reading their script, and it said they HAD to ask for money twice before they could get off the phone.

  37. csc3 says:

    I have a letter template that I use for this occasion; it basically says “if you want me to consider donating, cut the junk mail”. I print it out and mail it back using their envelopes. Seems to be working so far.

  38. D007H says:

    Getting charity junk mail is one thing, but what I really hate is when a nonprofit sells my info to for profit companies. It happened to me last year when I was getting junk mail from random companies like the NY Times. I knew it was related to my donation because the original charity spelled my name wrong and all the new junk mail had the same wrong spelling.

  39. kataisa says:

    I donate stuff anonymously if I can, and if I write a check I often stipulate that they please not sell my name or address to other lists. So far this tactic has worked well. I think legit charities know that if they “sell you out” they risk losing future donations from you.

  40. SenorGrub says:

    The Arbor Day Foundation will never see a dime from me again. I get inundated non-stop. Never Again!

  41. tooluser says:

    It works the same way when you contact your Democratic Party elected officials, at least in California. Suddenly you are meat for the gristmill. But then what else would you expect?

  42. missminimonster says:

    I work for a small, local nonprofit and we don’t sell out our donor information. It’s most likely because we’re local.

    The Humane Society and SPCA somehow associate my address with my dead mother’s even though she has never lived there and I am still getting letters from them addressed to her. I almost wish they would call so I can give them the address of the cemetery plot.

  43. PsiCop says:

    I found this out a couple years ago. When a close friend’s mother died, I dutifully followed their wishes and made a donation in her name to a particular medical charity in lieu of sending flowers. Since then, not a week goes by in which I don’t get solicitations from that charity and a whole host of others.

  44. Sad Sam says:

    I give to a number of charities, a few local, a few national, and I can’t say that I have this problem at all. I’m not sure what I’m doing right, except I can tell you that I don’t answer my home phone and I do all my giving at one time, year end, maybe the charities have figured out that sending stuff to me during the year is going to get a 0% return, they do track said things. Any mail that doesn’t come from a charity that I give to goes directly into recycle.

    Even my alumni giving, which I don’t really count as charitable, is done at year end.

    http://adventures-of-sam.blogspot.com/

  45. Naked-Gord-Program says:

    This reminds me of the financial domination kink but without the fetish part.

  46. venomroses says:

    I donated 50$ to a friend who was riding for MS.

    The MS society has followed me through 3 addresses since then, despite me never leaving forwarding addresses….creepy.

  47. Flakeloaf says:

    That goes double for political parties. Thanks to their recent leadership race I’ve been getting daily phone calls, messages, mailouts and requests for money. If that party were an ex-girlfriend she’d be in jail by now for this kind of hassling.

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