Heroic Walgreens Clerk Puts Out Beef Jerky Fire With The Power Of Breath

Who would want to burn beef jerky? Sure, it’s dry, but it’s not the best tinder and besides, it’s delicious and arson is bad. A clerk at Walgreens recently saved the store from a fire when he discovered burning bags of beef and put out the fire.

It all went down in Waterloo, Iowa, according to WCFCourier.com, when a 15-year-old kid allegedly lit two bags of jerky on fire with a cigarette letter. His smoky work went unnoticed at first, until a clerk found the fire and “extinguished the flame by blowing on it,” say cops.

No need for fancy fire extinguishers when a good huff and puff will get the job done, eh?

The kid was caught on surveillance cameras lighting the fire with a cigarette lighter from the store on his way out, and was later arrested for first-degree arson.

*Thanks for the link, Kosmo!

Drug store clerk puts out burning jerky bags [WCFCourier.com]

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  1. Eterion says:

    He may have saved Walgreens from property damage, but will likely get fired anyway due to their ancient and unreasonable policies.

  2. padarjohn says:

    Spellcheck?

  3. Nobody can say "Teehee" with a straight face says:

    I like how “Heroic” “Hero” and “Miracle” have lost all meaning these days. I know MB was using the term to be funny here, but they’re constantly being used in the media when they shouldn’t be.

    “Heroic man calls 911!”
    “Heroic woman performs her job like she was expected and trained to!”

    • consumed says:

      “Heroic Walgreens janitor cleans up mess caused by 4 sticks of jerky on fire”

    • shanelee24 says:

      Yeah, no doubt. I was expecting to read that the beef jerky was in close proximity to an elderly woman and her twelve precious kittens, and the epic fire (had it been allowed to burn for a few seconds more) would have destroyed the hopes and dreams of millions in Africa. And the only way the majestic Clerk could blow it out was to summon the combined power of all of his future sexual experiences into one focused assault on the conflagration, but sadly losing all of those experiences forever. And when the jerky fire was out, and grandma and her kittens ok, and Africa’s dreams left intact, he fell to the floor, a single tear falling from his pristine cheek. The tear landed on the ground, and a beautiful undying orchid now grows in that spot, a symbol of hope and courage to all that look upon it.

      And all i got was this bullshit article.

  4. teke367 says:

    Bad call, Walgreens Clerk. First, you passed up an excellent chance to use the fire extinguisher consequence free (which is unreasonably fun despite one’s age), but now also all the other colleagues are going to make jokes about how much you blow.

  5. kosmo @ The Soap Boxers says:

    Awesome. I can now cross “be mentioned in Consumerist” off my bucket list.

    I can imagine this kid being the laughing stock of his cell block. “They blew out your fire? That’s not a fire. THIS is a fire.”

    (OK, it’s better when Crocodile Dundee does it).

  6. GuyGuidoEyesSteveDave‚Ñ¢ says:

    Who lights jerky on fire? Wendy Williams!

  7. winstonthorne says:

    Wait, jerky is flammable? With no accelerant?? Holy crap! If it weren’t a waste of processed meat product, I’d say I have to go home and try this…

    • PHRoG says:

      Yup…lots of animal fat in there with little water content. :D

    • GuyGuidoEyesSteveDave‚Ñ¢ says:

      You know how great of a fire starter corn chips are? When you dehydrate a meat, you remove the water, but leave the fat, which makes it easier to ignite. Plus the plastic the bag is made of.

      • pythonspam says:

        Non-dairy creamer also works great.
        Just because we are boy scouts doesn’t make us pyromaniacs (although sometimes we turn out that way.)

    • Halfabee says:

      Hell, the Mythbusters made a a viable rocket out of salami.

  8. AcctbyDay says:

    Cigarette letter?

    For f*cks sake, no editing.

  9. dolemite says:

    The man, who went by “Mr. Kent” declined interview as he pushed his glasses up.

  10. BlueHighlighterNextToACoozie says:

    Hmm I never pondered if jerky was flammable. Next question can I mix jerky with hickory chips to get a nice jerky smoked rack of ribs?

  11. NotEd says:

    Dear Cigarette,

    Thank you very much for the second-hand smoke. I am a very great fan of the cancer and I was having very poor luck in developing a melanoma.
    I look forward to our future endeavors together.

    Love,
    NotEd

    P.S. Menthol is just the best!

  12. IWanaGoFishing says:

    Desperate for content, are we?

  13. Kuri says:

    I still don’t get the punks that think shit like that is funny.