Papa John's Heart-Shaped Pizza Looks More Like Anatomical Heart

Everyone knows that “heart-shaped” items don’t look anything like the big lump of muscle in mammals’ chests that pumps blood around. But heart-shaped things are cute. Every year, Papa John’s tries to produce a heart-shaped pizza. And every year, it’s a heart-clogger shaped more like an actual anatomical heart. Mozzarella cheese is a cruel medium.

Here’s what’s advertised:

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Here’s what John got:

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It’s not bad, but it doesn’t look all that much like a “heart.” You know, with two curves at the top and a pointy bottom. The pepperoni didn’t move around too much, though, so it could have been worse.

Has Papa John’s improved their execution of this promotion over time? Er… no. Here are some attempts from 2009 and 2010:

Papa John’s Love (Pizza) Is A Lie
Papa John’s Heart-Shaped Pizzas Still Heartbreakingly Round