Naked Man Smears Self And Grocery Store With Peanut Butter, Chocolate, And Nyquil

A 22-year-old Kentucky man has been charged with burglary after breaking into an IGA overnight and making a huge mess. According to court records, the man smashed a glass door to enter the store, discharged fire extinguishers, smeared his nude body and the manager’s office with peanut butter and chocolate, and used liquid cold remedies to scrawl the word “Sorry” on the floor.

He was charged with burglary, criminal mischief and indecent exposure. A relative told reporters that he needs psychiatric help rather than jail, and suspected that someone had slipped him the popular drug “bath salts.”

Cops Bust Naked Burglar Covered In Chocolate, Peanut Butter [The Smoking Gun]
Chocolate Covered Burglar Found inside Kentucky Store [Arkansas Matters] (Thanks, Eric!)

Comments

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  1. MutantMonkey says:

    Sounds like a Tuesday night to me.

  2. Darrone says:

    I’m giving 2 to 1 on Meth, 3 to 1 on Bathsalts, and 5 to 1 for those hippies that think this was Acid. TAKING ALL BETS!

  3. jameslutz says:

    This was for the next episode of Breaking Bad.

  4. Liam Kinkaid says:

    HE SAID HE WAS SORRY!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT???

  5. MrMagoo is usually sarcastic says:

    You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!

    No, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate!

  6. HomerSimpson says:

    Well AT LEAST he didn’t post pictures over the internet….

    Or Youtube the whole incident….

  7. El_Fez says:

    and used liquid cold remedies to scrawl the word “Sorry” on the floor.

    . . . hey, he said ‘sorry’! What more do you want?

  8. caradrake says:

    Aw, they changed the picture. A honey and PB sandwich sounded so good, too.

  9. milty45654 says:

    And this folks, is why they should have just price matched him on his dinner ware.

  10. Straspey says:

    As a concerned consumer, who likes to stay informed on important issues, this could not have come at a better time because – as it turns out – I’m going shopping later today and guess what…?

    I have Peanut Butter, Chocolate and Nyquil all on my shopping list.

    After reading this important and informative article, I will now make sure to buy each of those three items at separate and different locations, to avoid the possibility of any troublesome occurrences.

    “WHEW”

    Thank you Consumerist for helping to keep me out of trouble today.

  11. DariusC says:

    Before anyone says anything about the “Bath Salts”, keep in mind that the bath salts include multiple chemicals and not all produce the same effects. Methylone is one “bath salt” that is less harmful than it’s sister MDMA and virtually harmless in doses under 180mg. The only difference between that and MDMA is an oxygen in place of a hydrogen. Just wanted to put that out there before people scream “BAN IT!” and “IT’S GONNA KILL U!”.

    • QuantumCat says:

      Unless “bath salts” are clearly labelled as one type or the other, I’m unsure the difference really matters. As long as there’s a risk of getting the most dangerous type when you buy it, the thought of banning it isn’t entirely unreasonable.

      Of course, simply banning the most dangerous type / clear labeling might be more prudent, but our legal system likes the sledgehammer approach.

      Since I don’t have safety / toxicology data in front of me, I can’t really say myself one way or the other whether it’s dangerous or not.

      • DariusC says:

        You betcha some of them are pretty dangerous and have fairly adverse health effects. Methylone, however, is very different because it has been around for over 10 years without being banned (though it was recently banned by the DEA). It seems unfortunate that chemicals that are good and useful are being banned with the bad ones. Such as CP 55,940, which was a Pfizer product in ’74 that mimics MMJ for a period of around 10-16 hours with a dose on the submilligram scale. Sadly, it breaks down in about 6 months of storage, making it a less viable choice to Marijuana that can be stored for much longer without losing potency and isn’t synthetic. Another one, JWH-133, has been linked with anti-cancer properties (See Wiki). These new chemicals have valid uses, but because others abuse it, it gets banned before further trials can be conducted.

  12. Liam Kinkaid says:

    And *that*, ladies and gentlemen, is why you have two jars of peanut butter. One for eating and one for … fun.

  13. EllenRose says:

    “Sensitive boy, they all said.” (Warren Zevon)

  14. denros says:

    That is definitely the wrong way to eat a reese’s.

  15. Doubting thomas says:

    Not having any interest in doing meth, real or fake, I may be uninformed about this one, but don’t you snort the bath salts? If so how does one slip them to you?

    • DariusC says:

      The bath salts cannot be “slipped” into anything. Their taste is immediately noticable, even if you put a half a teaspoon in a gallon of water. The taste is aweful. They also cannot be snorted without a trip to the mouthwash. These misconceptions are why people draw lines from Meth to Bath Salts. They are not the same thing, but they produce similar effects. This is concerning Methylone, however, not the other more popular bath salt chemicals (never touched them, too many reports of overdose and dysphoria).

      • DariusC says:

        Just re-read my response. Mouthwash wont help except for the drainage down your thoat, gotta gargle for a while to get that taste to go away and even then you gotta deal with what you can’t get to in the back of your nose. Bleh. Only good way is to cap it up to avoid the taste. Smoking it is ineffective as well, something about the blood-brain barrier (I’m not well-versed in biology, chemistry or anatomy).

  16. jono_0101 says:

    are they positive it was chocolate and peanut butter that he smeared the store with???

  17. RanChan03 says:

    Why did reading this story make me immediately think of the naked greased up deaf guy from family guy…..;NEVER GONNA CATCH ME!

  18. Fubish says: I don't know anything about it, but it seems to me... says:

    Back in school we threw a Halloween party witrh a ‘Super Heroes’ theme. The Best Costume winner had smeared himself with peanut butter and came as “The Turd.”

  19. DarthCoven says:

    Ecstasy is one hell of a drug…

  20. HomerSimpson says:

    Did they check his receipt afterward?

  21. Marlin says:

    Was he also Deaf by chance? That guy is weird.

    /FG

  22. Warren - aka The Piddler on the Roof says:

    This reminds me of the time this big, fat hairy dude crashed into the restaurant where I was eating wearing a Speedo and a foam cowboy hat and carrying a blind raccoon. I couldn’t make out the song he was singing because it was in Russian, but it sounded like ‘Danny Boy’, which isn’t even my name. Worst birthday party I ever had.

    The raccoon’s name was Larry.

  23. Klay says:

    IGA? Not WalMart?

  24. TerpBE says:

    I’ve been trying to thing of a good idea for Valentine’s Day…

  25. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    This sounds about par for the course for people messing around with “bath salts”. A couple of people in our area got wasted, fought with the police, ran away & climbed a fence by a paper mill, fell into the water drainage pond, and then found their way home and couldn’t figure out why their stuff was all topsy turvy. They didn’t remember the whole tussle with the police part of the evening. They were convinced they were being chased by aliens. **sighs**

  26. Jemaine says:

    I wonder if he drove there stoned….

  27. dangermike says:

    Well this certainly throws an interesting curveball into the old “Germany or Florida” game.

  28. Pigfish99 the randomly insane says:

    Whatever he was on… I don’t want it. But this article sounds like a great concept for a episode on a comedy. and I don’t know why.

  29. Libertas says:

    This guy rules.

  30. msgogo says:

    There’s *one* wrong way to eat a Reese’s.

  31. dg says:

    It coulda been worse… He could have stripped naked, smeared himself with butter, and started chanting in the middle of an airplane aisle… That’d be some kinda of terrorism probably… This, probably the most he’s been wasted… ever. Something he’ll try to remember for the rest of his life…
    I also don’t suspect bath salts… I suspect 5 hits of acid…