Guess What, FedEx Driver? No One At A U.S. Army Base Will Find Your Bomb Jokes Funny

A FedEx driver who apparently was never trained in the “don’t ever, ever say the word bomb on the job” is facing a felony terrorism charge, after he allegedly joked that a package was “probably a bomb” at a U.S. Army base.

Since 9/11, one might think the average citizen has realized that bomb jokes won’t go over well, whether at an airport, at a federal building or you know, at a place where a large number of servicemen and women work to keep the country safe. And forget a normal person — when you’re in the business of delivering packages, you’ve been told not to drop the bomb-bomb on the job.

Nonetheless, the Salt Lake Tribune says that military police evacuated 215 people from the U.S Army Corps of Engineers trailer and surrounding area at Camp Williams, all because a FedEx driver thought he was funny.

According to the charges, a woman asked what was in the package he was delivering to an employee at the base, and he replied, “It’s probably a bomb.” He told cops later that he said it by mistake.

Ohh, so what he meant to say was something like, “It’s probably a mom” or maybe, “It’s probably some noms.” That could happen to anyone!
Delivery man charged after “bomb” comment causes evacuation [Salt Lake Tribune]

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  1. agent 47 says:

    Really America? A felony terrorism charge? Must…resist…urge…to quote…Ayn Rand

    • spamtasticus says:

      Agreed. We have become a nation of sniveling over reacting sheep.

    • Costner says:

      I realize joking about these types of things is frowned up… but detain him.. make him feel like an idiot, and send him on his way. His employer can take action against him, but the felony charge is a bit much.

      It isn’t like he made any type of threat. This would appear to be an abuse of the oxymoronically-named PATRIOT ACT.

      Coincidentally I know a woman who made a comment like this as she passed through an airport pre 9/11. She joked that her bag might have a bomb in it, and they read her the riot act… but in the end just told her to not make that same mistake twice. They scared her – she learned from it. No need to add a felony to the mix. These days if someone was to say the same thing you can almost promise they would see the inside of a jail cell. It is sad what this country has come to.

      • Nessiah says:

        I’m with you. I think it should have been pretty obvious that if it was a bomb he wouldn’t have stated so, but still detain him and “smack him around” a bit.

        Along the lines of your story, my uncle (by marriage) in the 80s said he had a “bag full of guns” after a (was it TSA?) Agent asked him what was in the bag. He actually got arrested though.

    • catskyfire says:

      You know, facing a charge isn’t the same thing as being charged…or convicted.

      • agent 47 says:

        True, but you still have some dopey deliver driver who now has an arrest record and has to spend a ton of money on a lawyer all because he gave a stupid answer to a stupid question.

        It never should have gotten this far, but the US is becoming an expert of turning non-violent people into criminals.

      • Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

        I didn’t realize that “facing a charge” was not the same as “being charged”. Somehow, I still think it means the same thing. BTW, the part where it says, “The delivery man was charged Wednesday with one count of threat of terrorism, a third-degree felony. ” pretty much seals the deal.

        Last time I was in Utah a fed ran out of the historic post office on Main street, SLC, on Christmas to force me to delete a photo of a carved marble bald eagle statuette mounted in the sidewalk I had taken a macro photo of. In front of my wife and kids he threatened to have me arrested for terrorism because the post office was being used as a federal courthouse. He wanted to go through all the photos in my camera but three teenage girls took a snapshot of the building from across the street which caused him to start screaming at them to come and he lost focus, we walked away. I am so sick of these uber-patriots that have no idea what the first amendment is.

        • Difdi says:

          Uber-Patriots? They’re not patriots at all. They’re fascist-wannabes who hate our country, think The People have too many freedoms, and are absolutely positive that their authority, however petty, gives them the right to order people to do anything they want without repercussions.

          Thomas Jefferson was an Uber-Patriot. So was George Washington. Don’t sully those great men’s names by comparing them to a security guard with delusions of adequacy.

      • Gorbachev says:

        The driver will be convicted, and he’ll face several years in prison.

        A US Senator, however, joking about bombs under his podium speaking at the same venue would walk.

    • StarKillerX says:

      Actually the charge is justified, now being tried and convicted is something else entirely.

      You always start off with the maximum charge, and then negotiate downward from there.

      The two main reasons are, first it let’s people know you take the situation seriously and second it allows plenty of wiggle room to plead downward

      • the Persistent Sound of Sensationalism says:

        Oh?! So it’s trumped-up charges that brings justice to our judicial system??? I suppose that’s why an 18 year old that has sex with a 16 year old goes to jail for a decade, is a registered sex offender, and isn’t allowed to be near children ever again. That’s also starting with the maximum and pleading your way down. That also depends on how much money you have to burn on a good lawyer.

    • Jawaka says:

      What an over reaction.

      They really evacuated? Even if the Fedex delivery person knew what was in the box do really think that they’d deliver it if it were a bomb?

  2. Mighty914 says:

    That’s a stupid question to ask him in the first place.

  3. gman863 says:

    Well, at least he didn’t throw the package over the Army Base fence.

    • ovalseven says:

      His careful handling of the package is probably what led them to believe he was serious.

    • Difdi says:

      Can you imagine the response to a FedEx driver declaring it’s a bomb, then tossing it over a fence from outside the base?

  4. Portlandia says:

    While I think people blow certain things way out of proportion (no pun intended) there are some things should not be joked about. This I believe is one of them, but federal terrorism charges. Give me a break.

  5. Hobz says:

    Stupid question gets a stupid answer… Sounds fair to me.

  6. Coffee says:

    What a dumb thing to say…what an insane overreaction. Lots of stupid to go around here.

  7. dush says:

    And now thanks to NDAA he will be held indefinitely in a military prison overseas.

  8. TheMansfieldMauler says:

    So what was in the package?

  9. Corinthos says:

    Idiots, would have been awesome if it was a bomb and he just saved everyone. Sucks for him but I find it hilarious.

  10. PadThai says:

    Fun fact: Sometimes people say things without thinking first.
    Example: a guy at a bar recently bought me a drink and made a i-didnt-roofie-this joke.

  11. thrillcook says:

    How old was this driver? If this their first job, I could imagine that this person wouldn’t know the full weight of what 9/11 was to the US back when he was a pre-teen. But then again if this person turns out to be in their mid 20′s or above, I would think they are pretty ignorant.

    • kreiach says:

      That’s true. 9/11 was all about the bombs.

    • impatientgirl says:

      I’ve never seen a Fed Ex driver under 30. Those are hard jobs to get here in my city.

      Oh, and age isn’t an excuse for ignorance. I wasn’t grown during Vietnam and I know about it.

  12. mavrick67 says:

    It seems reasonable that munitions would be delivered to an Army base.

    • q`Tzal says:

      Not by FedEx.
      EVER.
      In the US Military we ship dangerous items with the highest bidding parcel company that has the lowest quality of service: the US Military.

      • mavrick67 says:

        forgot to mark my comment as sarcasm, but seriously, maybe the kid thought he was delivering a “bomb” (aerial dropped explosive weapon) not a “bomb” (terrorist improvised explosive device (IED))

  13. lawnmowerdeth says:

    If someone was really delivering a bomb, they wouldn’t TELL anyone it was a bomb! It’s all those flowers they need to be paranoid about!

  14. q`Tzal says:

    Yet another incident drawing attention to the fact the MORE MONEY needs to be payed to workers that ARE NOT MORONS.
    Parcel delivery companies: we will happily pay more for dependable, accurate and timely delivery.

    American corporate hirers in general: think of the positive feedback for company PR, efficiency and cost effectiveness if you actually paid more to excellent workers rather than pushing them up in to management where they are less effective (or harmful) and hiring low wage rejects for the lower ranked job.

    • Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

      I’m just glad I no longer live in Utah where statements like yours abound.

    • TheMansfieldMauler says:

      Yeah because no one making more than minimum wage has ever said anything stupid.

      • q`Tzal says:

        Don’t know if you are serious or trolln’.

        Pay for a job is not set by the position, it is set by the worker’s effectiveness at that position.
        Large companies lose sight of this.

        Hypothetical: you own and operate a bakery.
        After a few years an employee that you hired as entry level at minimum wage has become an integral part of the business because they do their job perfectly.
        This employee is still making very little over minimum wage and is looking for better pay.
        If you lose this employee you will lose not only a good worker but your time training a replacement with no guarantee that the next person will be as effective.

        Do you as a savvy business owner:
        Set a fixed wage for a specific job no matter skill of the person doing it?
        or
        Pay the better employee more to retain experience and excellence?

  15. exconsumer says:

    So, is dressing as a FedEx guy, hijacking a FedEx truck, placing bombs in FedEx packages, and then announcing your bomb as if it is a joke . . . is that a thing? Is it happening all over the place and I just don’t know about it? And, further, is it more of a thing than someone making a morbid joke?

    I had assumptions, but based on the reaction here I’m wondering if they’re right.

  16. tripnman says:

    Probably a BONG – a bong!

  17. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    I mean, it IS a military installation and they buy tons of ammunition and bombs etc. so it is entirely possible they bought a bomb off eBay,… riiiight?? If it was a federal courthouse or airport or something I could _completely_ understand the panic… but just one more bomb to go with the thousands of others already at that location…. naaaah.

    Or maybe he meant “bong”.

  18. Donathius says:

    “…evacuated 215 people from the U.S Army Corps of Engineers trailer…”

    Wow. That’s a big trailer.

  19. madcatcasey says:

    The Army doesn’t have bases. They have posts. Navy and Air Force have bases. Just sayin’.

  20. AustinTXProgrammer says:

    There needs to be common sense. Other than being in poor enough taste to require some serious attention did anything think there was enough of a threat to evacuate the trailer and surrounding area?

    • Lyn Torden says:

      Of course the Army knows those Fedex guys are expert explosives analysts, and were just pissed because it didn’t contain what it said.

  21. Minj says:

    The death of wisdom.

  22. Lyn Torden says:

    There’s something seriously wrong if a law says you can’t make a joke that the average person would think is funny.

    • Conformist138 says:

      But it’s not funny. Not that it’s scary or offensive, it’s just not actually a funny joke. It’s stupid and easy.

  23. Haggus says:

    I think the employee cut the delivery guy off in mid sentence. I think he said it probably was a bomb calorimeter. With so many restaurants getting their kcalories counts wrong, it’s always handy to have one of those.

  24. whatdoyoucare says:

    Sometimes people say inappropriate things when they are uncomfortable or nervous. I am going to chalk this up to that.

  25. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    So, the bomb joke bombed?

  26. amputato says:

    as a delivery person, 90% of the time the customer asks “its not a bomb is it?” and i groan and fake laughter. i hear this every single day, so much that even if it was ever funny, it no longer is. i’ll bet the bomb line just popped out of his mouth becasue its most common line in small talk between a customer and a courier. i’ll bet hi didn’t even want to say anything at all but did so just to be polite!! i do it all the friggin time!!

  27. hmburgers says:

    The only thing more stupid then joking that something is a bomb is taking that joke seriously when it clearly is meant as a joke.

    Joking that “Yes, I have a bomb in my suitcase” at an airport… stupid… should get you detained.

    Joking “Probably a bomb” when referring to a box… not funny… at worst should get you a “that’s insensitive” comment… everything else is the equivalent of nuking from orbit.

  28. graytotoro says:

    Another FedEx worker once jokingly asked me if my package was a bomb (it wasn’t, it was a North Face jacket that blew a seam), so i’m kinda wondering if it’s in the employee training manual.

  29. Bodger says:

    The ‘comment’ did not cause the evacuation — an overreaction to a lame joke by someone who should have known better caused the evacuation.

  30. CrankyOwl says:

    Why would somebody think the delivery guy would know what was inside the box? Unless Fed Ex drivers are all equipped with X-ray vision.

  31. technoreaper says:

    The US government is pathetic. This is proof. A bored delivery driver makes a bad joke and these monkeys go to Defcon 1? Is it really worth wasting money and time to charge this driver with felony terrorism? I need to move out of here. This is what happens when a country stops valuing any sort of education.

  32. Mike says:

    The terrorists won, and they won big. We are so terrified we can’t even brush off a bad joke.

  33. ancientone567 says:

    An American with any tie to terrorism NOW HAS NO RIGHTS! even if American. There is no plea, no court. throw away the key, kill the guy. The terrorist law might now be seen for what it is. EVIL

  34. Goose says:

    What the fuck ever dude. Maybe he needs to brush up on his sarcasm tone, or maybe the receptionist was trying to be a bitch about it, but a simple “are you being serious?” would have resolved the issue.

    ARMY should apologize to the fedex driver and FedEx should halt all military shipments until then. Man this country is effed.

  35. Fantoche_de_Chaussette says:

    Felony charges, as in “you’ll be lucky to make minimum wage, for the rest of your life; and forget about ever renting an apartment”. For an obvious, off-hand, harmless one-line joke in front of a government official.

    This is the kind of story we used to smugly tell about the Soviet Union.

    It’s time to escape America while you can.

    • technoreaper says:

      Unfortunately, I had this experience in a very similar sort of case, only I made my joke on the internet. I got the charges dropped through some sort of probation, but various employers can still find it! All I can say is that you’ve got to adapt. Thankfully, I’m lucky the charges were dropped, so I can lie and say I was falsely accused or something. I learned to do that the hard way. Hopefully, this guy gets cut some slack and doesn’t even have to do that. These people have quotas, and all you do is make their day when you fall into their trap. You aren’t ever doomed to minimum wage, but all you have to do is learn to adapt. It always helps to ask fellow felons how they work the system. Thankfully, I am NOT a felon, but I definitely think the Feds are ridiculous about how they go after largely innocent people with trumped up charges. Felony terrorism? Really? BTW, there was a great article in the Wall Street Journal about a guy who was just doing his job, but accidentally broke a federal regulation and got a felony as a result. He still got another great job though. His previous employer supported him, but he quit because of his experience.

  36. wobiii says:

    I had a job managing a medical supplies delivery company a while back. Dealing with the people at the base was the same everyday. Who are you, who do you work for, out of the truck, mirrors under it, open the hood, open the doors, stand over there. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Don’t you know us by now??? Every day we go through this?? I can understand the frustration and the smart ass comment, shouldn’t have asked in the first place.

    Some no real authority dip sht making an example of how tough they are and how much power they have. Cut the bases off from deliveries if they want to pursue this.

    • technoreaper says:

      They’re morons. You should see these guys when they’re off of work. More than likely, they are disturbed gun nuts that watch a lot of war movies and have questionable morals and ethics.

  37. Draw2much says:

    Ah, this actually doesn’t surprise me. There’s no nice way to put this: some people in the military have no sense of humor and take everyone literally. Sometimes that’s because it’s their job to be suspicious, sometimes it’s because life just dealt them a personality that doesn’t know how to take a joke. :(

    I feel bad for the Fedex driver, but you just don’t make jokes about things that go BOOM! on a military business unless you’re actually in the business of making things go BOOM! (IYAAYAS, FTW!)

  38. technoreaper says:

    The Feds and military like hiring people like that because their background checks and policies weed out any intelligent, adventurous people. They want people that will follow any ridiculous command the government issues. Think about it, if you ran America and needed a military and police force to carry out your objectives, wouldn’t you want people that didn’t ask questions?

    Based on my experience with them, I refuse to have anything to do with anyone who has a cop in their family or just plain worships them. You just can’t ever trust them. They think everyone is a criminal, and that they are the knight in shining armor that is there to save the day.

  39. meh_cat says:

    What crap. The driver was being funny. He meant that the Army base probably ordered a bomb, and that’s what he was delivering. No way he meant that there was an unexpected bomb in the box. Too bad no one has a sense of humor anymore.

  40. scottd34 says:

    Because making a bomb joke at a base full of people that all know how to kill you 100 different ways and are all proficient in the use of weaponry is a good idea…

  41. Driblis says:

    Seems like an overreaction to call him a terrorist. I mean yeah it was stupid, maybe fire him. But terrorism? Really?

  42. SerenityDan says:

    Idiot, but to be fair I get asked by people at my company what is in the packages I deliver to them all the time like I could possibly know. I just answer “It’s a box” though. I’m not dumb enough to cause a bomb scare.

  43. HogwartsProfessor says:

    If he said that to me I would have then replied “Well good, if it blows up then I can go home for the day!”

    Since I no longer have a job, that doesn’t apply. :( Also, I’m going to miss my FedEx drivers. They were great. I hope when I find something else they are on that route.

  44. tjthayer says:

    What does 9/11 have to do with bomb jokes? The terrorists didn’t fly bombs into the WTC.

    Now, if he has said the content of the package was “Probably an airplane”, then I could understand the panic.

  45. Robert Nagel says:

    He didn’t say it was one, he just guessed. There have been times where this would have been a pointed response.

  46. megafly says:

    How do we know he was wrong about it being a bomb? It’s an army base. maybe somebody bought a bomb on ebay!

  47. Yorick says:

    can I misquote the Ramones for this one?
    B-O-M-B EVERYONE ACCUSIN’ ME!

  48. Midnight Harley says:

    It was probably a computer monitor, they love to chuck those over fences these days, so I’ve heard