Because the lawmakers of this nation don’t have real-world issues that need to be resolved, a state senator in Oklahoma has introduced legislation that would finally put a stop to the abominable, completely nonexistent practice of using tissue from aborted fetuses in food.
Senator Ralph Shortey from Oklahoma City claims that his independent research on the Internet convinced him to call for the ban in an attempt to raise “public awareness” and give an “ultimatum to companies” that might someday think about putting fetuses in your cookies and potato chips.
An FDA rep tells the Associate Press that “FDA is not aware of this particular concern,” and even the executive director of Oklahomans for Life tells the AP, “I don’t know anything about that.”
For some reason, not every member of the Oklahoma state legislature thinks it should spend its time banning fictional practices.
“We’ve got too many challenges facing Oklahomans today. We don’t need to go looking for possible challenges that may come about sometime in the future,” said Sen. Brian Crain, chairman of the Senate Human Services Committee. “If it can be demonstrated that this is a challenge facing our food supply, then I think we need to act quickly, but there’s been no demonstration that this is going on… I’d hate to think we’re going to spend our time coming up with possibilities of things we need to stop.”
Next up on the agenda, what to do with the state’s surplus of canned unicorn meat.
Okla. senator wants ban on human fetuses in food [Chron.com]
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Soylent Green – IT’S LEGISLATORS!
+1
No wonder it tastes like crap…….
I’d eat that, but only after drinking heavily.
Don’t be foolish. Legislators aren’t people.
hmm legislation smoke, don’t breathe this
Soylent Green‚Ñ¢: Politicians are full of it.
These 2 concepts may not be related.
Oh please, if that were true it would be banned in a heartbreak.
Reminds me of the patron who insisted she didn’t have to pay her overdue fines at the library because she, “thought about returning the books on time.”
unelect this man for using nonsense to draw supporters. He can’t do a real job but an imaginary one.
One wonders how he got elected in the first place.
Oh, wait…..it’s Oklahoma.
Senator Flounder?
No. They want to take away our baby carrots, Baby Ruths, and Baby Back Ribs
Feed us fetus, dammit!
I saw the pic, I thought that too……..
There would never be a surplus of canned unicorn meat, are you crazy???
Have you ever HAD Unicorn??
It tastes like gosh darn magic and leaves your tummy sparkly.
I like this guy because I too do not want fetus parts in my chocolate chip cookies. I feel this should not be a reactive issue.
I got my sister some canned unicorn meat from Think Geek for Christmas. I’m pretty sure that I was the only one who thought it was funny.
Which makes it way more funny to me.
We should probably go ahead and lock this guy up now, since he could potentially do something crazy or dangerous, you know, sometime in the future, maybe, or whatever.
Brilliant! I expect he would be quite willing to vote for such a bill!
He might consider a run for the presidency in 2016
Coming soon: Torgo’s Legislator Powder! Twice as effective as Executive Powder, and with a new legal scent!
+1
Torgo makes the best products.
It costs a little more, but it’s worth it. Oh wait, that’s Shankmans.
Is it only human fetuses or is okay to have the fetuses of other species in our food?
If not, then that tasty omelet I had this morning is going to present an issue.
Like chicken fetuses?
Necesito una Like Button.
Aborted cow fetuses: the new veal.
Let me guess, republican?
From the Chron article:
“He sponsored a measure last year to crack down on illegal immigrants by authorizing law enforcement to seize their homes and vehicles, and to deny Oklahoma citizenship to babies born to illegal immigrants.”
He’s violating two provisions of the Constiution right there, so, yes, Republican.
I’m just curious what the real value of Oklahoma citizenship might be to someone who is a US citizen…
Listen, if you guys want the Liberals to come out in support of partially hydrogenated fetus oil in all baked goods, you make sure you elect the right people. The Republicans want fetus farming to stop! http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/content07/crowd-farm-matrix.jpg
It’s sad you don’t recognize that BOTH parties are tearing up the Constitution.
Are you aware Obama just signed a bi-partisan bill that enables the US military to pick up US citizens inside the USA and detain them indefinitely in military detention without charge or trial?
Republicrats, Demopublicans, whatever.
I agree I think both parties are getting worse but this type of BS smelled like something the republcian party would do.
I’m well aware of that. So, this year, I’m going to support Obama’s re-election. Next year, I’m going to support the ACLU which will sue him. Kinda like suing myself!
Seriously, Justices Ginsberg and Kennedy are likely to retire during the next President’s term. replace them with a couple more Scalia’s, and there will be no point in suing over NDAA.
I think scalia may have left if not for Obama.
SC, and the other choices, are the reason I will probably vote Obama as well.
I actually like that idea, and might do it myself.
Well there’s bad and then there completely pathetic and brain dead.
My Congresswoman is spearheading the drive to prevent the EPA from regulating farm dust… something the EPA has no intention of doing. So this doesn’t really shock me.
They try to justify these preemptive strikes, but they are really just trying to justify their existence by acting like they are the only people who care about these (fake) issues, which they will then use during campaign season.
I’m just curious why none of them have proposed a process to ban habitants of Mars from illegally entering the country, or ensuring deep sea fisherman disclose the amount of mermaids they catch in their nets each month. And don’t even get me started on that damn tooth fairy not having a license to practice dentistry.
Are you suggesting that inhabitants from Mars be forced to land in international waters and use their ships as houseboats?
Because that’s what you’ll have, if every country follows suit and tries to ban them from entering.
Do you really want our oceans clogged with Martian houseboats?
We need to amend the Constitution to deny citizenship to illegal aliens. Kang and Kodos, especially. Come to think of it, I could make quite a career out of legislating against reality. What’s the filing fee in OK?
If you bar Mars natives, what happens when Newt takes us to Mars, we have babies, but our kids decide “Mars Sucks!” and want to return to the US?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/23/newt-gingrich_n_1225895.html
[I think that space travel is important and that if we want to be free to have as many children as we want, we may need more real estate in another century or two and that means getting crackin' on that now-ish. Or else, you know, figure out a way to tunnel across multiverses into unclaimed neighboring Earths. Or this:
There’s still plenty of room in the center of the earth, last I checked. Just descend the crater of Mt. Sneffels …
Trying to be the new Florida?
Snipes should also be put on the endangered species list, and no further hunting licenses be issued for them!
Won’t anyone consider the poor Nauga’s? their hide is used everywhere, and nobody CARES!
“Curious George’s thought patrol are out there hunting snipe.” (Primus) Again, I blame Republicans.
Well, I’m glad legislators are taking on the very important issues of…oh, WTF, I can’t pretend this is anything but an idiot. I guess he sort of fits right in with other elected persons, then?
I wonder if this guy decided to run while drunk, or on a bet (FTA):
This year, Shortey has introduced a bill seeking a public vote on amending the Oklahoma Constitution to abolish the Court of Criminal Appeals.
So he doesn’t want fetus’ to be a part of his diet, AND he think appeals are unconstitutional (to Oklahoma)
As a CHUD American, I vehemently oppose this legislation.
I’m shocked. A Republican banning business practices? Just think of the jobs lost, as well as all of the tasty babies thrown away needlessly. We don’t need this regulation on job creators!
No no no. You’ve got it all backward. Can’t you see that this practice needs to be banned immediately? Otherwise there will be “fetus farms” where women will paid to have abortions! Do you really want to be responsible for more baby murder in this country?!?! All just because you want your scrumptious fetus cookies.
Look, don’t make me go to war over the right to life. I will totally murder thousands of pro-choice people and their families and doctors if it means saving lives.
If I wasn’t already married…
I’m more concerned with chain restaurants’ new fascination with preparing live infants for consumption over a fire pit. I think we can all agree that we need to go back to only using infants culled in a humane fashion.
But I LIKE picking my infant from the playpen at the front of the restaurant. How else am I supposed to know it’s fresh?
Au contraire my friend. The past way to prepare a human child is aged, like a fine wine. At least 2-3 years if it’s a high end establishment.
I am with you… but i do not like the ones where you have to grill the baby yourself. I mean, c’mon I don’t go to a restaurant to cook my own food. Jeesh!
You do know that the babies out front are for show, the ones they actually serve are frozen?
Chain restaurant: BabiesRUs
More proof, if any were needed, that you have to be crazy to run for public office.
Thank goodness. Now if they could only do something about all that dolphin semen they may someday put in peanut butter.
It’s a serious concern of mine, too. Because there’s no way for consumers to tell whether the dolphin semen was harvested humanely, and I am trying to make more ethical purchases.
Well, there’s one way to know that dolphin semen is harvested humanely…
I too am against the practice of using aborted fetuses in my food products. However, as I am pro-choice, I do think it should be a personal decision, not a legislated one.
/s
And moving close to election season this bullshit will no doubt increase.
Politics, trying to look like you’re doing something without doing anything.
What. The. %!@%
Although I think this case is pretty ridiculous, I will add one point in favor of enacting legislation before the problem actually arises.
One of the greatest moves Congress pulled during my lifetime, if not THE greatest move, was the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act (GINA).
It guaranteed that you could not be discriminated against based on genetic markers. This Act was enacted well before genetic markers and cause and effect of certain genetic traits were known, and even today we’ve only scratched the surface of this field of study.
This Act was complete far, far ahead of the time it would be deemed necessary, but it was indeed a necessary piece of legislation.
So many this guy knows something we don’t?
…even today we’ve only scratched the surface of this field of study….but it was indeed a necessary piece of legislation.
So even though we don’t really have a handle on that field of study you know for a fact that the legislation was necessary? Have you developed ESP as well?
You did bring up an excellent point about other pieces of completely useless legislation.
I was wondering if anybody but me had that thought. I mean, sure, it’s hilariously unlikely, but how can we really be sure? If it were the truth, we’d still think he was just as batshit insane, you know…
It is due to the use of HEK293 by Senomyx.
Wow. This is what you get when you elect the middle school class clown into office, I see.
From the senator’s refridgerator:
Goals for 2012
– Ban the practice of using human fetuses in food.
– Outlaw devices that turn normal cats into vampire cats.
– Call Mom more.
– Make the Chinese stop beaming angry voices into my brain.
+1000
Vampire cats? Have you been watching the Blade Anime on G4?
I move that we all refer to the Senator as Ralph “Short-bus” Shortey from now on. XD
#allthefacepalms
So basically, his entire re-election platform is going to be “Vote for me, because anyone who doesn’t supports the addition of aborted fetuses to your food supply”. You stay classy Republicans.
“Think of the won’t-be-dead chilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllldren!!!!!!”
I believe the “independent research” he’s referring to is a speech Christopher Reeve made about the benefits of ingesting human fetuses-in an episode of South Park.
Also, I have never commented on a post where my user id was so on point.
And of course the legislator knows that anything you hear on TV must be true, even if spoken by a cartoon character.
Would that make you a fetal locavore?
Do they show South Park in Oklahoma? I’d think it was banned because it isn’t mentioned in the Bible.
Do you think he watched the Matrix and got really confused?
Gotta be another wackjob Tea Partyer.
I am just glad that for once a crazy story is coming from somewhere that isn’t Florida.
Ya all laugh…..but this guy may have just gotten himself added to Ron Paul’s ticket.
and even the executive director of Oklahomans for Life tells the AP, “I don’t know anything about that.”
Translation:
“Yeah, I’m taking a bribe from the food industry to turn a blind eye to this. That ground beef you’re buying … yeah, totally not beef.”
The sad thing is that way too many people will believe this crazy nut. The religious crazies believe anything if you add the word “aborted fetuses”.
What if you said that abortion caused global warming?
ROFL!
What, did he read an Onion article and take it seriously?
did this “independent research on the Internet” include websites such as The Onion or 4Chan?
He may be thinking of scrapple. A Pennsylvania Dutch breakfast staple.
this is actually a bill on stem cells, but this makes it sound more sensationalist for the STAR, I mean Consumerist.
But in other directions, what will this do for Obama Green and the new Obama Orange?
Right, because we should simply ignore the ridiculous parts of an otherwise sensible bill simply because it might sound sensationalist.
Same state that tried to ban non-existing use of Sharia law.
While enacting Christian Sharia.
It’s funny how that is working out isn’t it?
“In Mississippi, the constitutional power of pardon is based on our Christian belief in repentance, forgiveness and redemption”
Haley Barbour, releasing murderers from prison.
Reminds me of another nutcase Republican who wanted to ban “mind-controlling space weapons”:
http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c107:H.R.2977.IH:
Oh wait, did I say Republican? I meant uber liberal hero Dennis Kucinich. Huh, seems there’s a whole lot of crazy on both sides.
I’m happy Congressman Kucinich is taking the fight to THEM by banning chemtrails, too!
Is he talkng about eggs? Caviar? What?
Just making sure all loose ends are tied… Corporations are crazy and this could eventually be a thing they consider.
“…independent research on the Internet…”
Well there’s your problem. I also enjoy the random capitalization.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_capitalization_conventions
Shit. I hate it when I’ve been doing it wrong. I’ll have to take comfort in the fact that I keep my dumbassery on the Internet and not a state Senate floor.
if china can get away with it…..
http://shanghaiist.com/2011/08/12/korean_documentary_claims_china_sel.php
Hey, hey hey!
Keep your hands off my food. Maybe I WANT aborted fetus tissue in my dinner, ever think of that?
This is actually more scary than funny.
The linked article says he got the idea from rumors that embryonic stem cells could be used to manufacture flavors. Okay, who knows if that’s true. But Dear World: embryos and fetuses are not the same thing. Methods are being developed so that embryonic stem cells are not even going to come from dead embryos let alone dead fetuses.This guy isn’t trying to be funny, he’s trying to build on the fake connection between embryonic stem cell research and aborted fetuses.
From his Facebook page: Other Likes and Activities, “In Soviet Russia Jokes.” Really? The 80′s called, they want Yakov Smirnov back.
This sounds like the same ass that keeps spamming Wikipedia articles on Pepsi saying they are working with a company to develop artificial sweeteners based on aborted human fetuses.
This sounds like the same ass that keeps spamming Wikipedia articles on Pepsi saying they are working with a company to develop artificial sweeteners based on aborted human fetuses.
And I sound like the same impatient ass that hits the submit button to many times…