Thinking of getting a penis tattoo? Apparently, they come with the risk of a permanent erection. Let’s see if we can get through this one without a Jason Stackhouse joke… Nope!
According to MSNBC, a 21-year-old Iranian man went to a traditional tattoo artist who, (and this detail is apparently important,) used handheld needles to inscribe upon his member (in Persian script) a phrase which translates to “good luck on your journeys.”
The result is a permanent semi-erection. Take it away, MSNBC:
As erectile dysfunction pill commercials constantly remind us, non-sex-related erections lasting longer than four hours are dangerous for penises. The lack of fresh blood flow can starve the spongy tissues of oxygen, destroying them and resulting in impotence.
There are two types of priapism, ischemic and non-ischemic, according to UCLA urologist Dr. Jeffrey Bassett. In a normal erection, blood flows into the penis via arteries, and as pressure builds, the veins leading out are temporarily blocked. In ischemic priapism, the veins don’t open up again.
In non-ischemic priapism, the veins allow blood out of the penile tissue, but too much blood is flowing in via the arteries and the veins can’t keep up. So blood pressure builds. This isn’t as dangerous since fresh blood is coming in all the time, but it can be pretty inconvenient. If it doesn’t resolve, either on its own or with treatment, it can cause damage in some cases.
Apparently, the tattooist and his handheld needles punctured too deeply into the man’s penis, resulting in fistulas that interrupted the flow of blood in and out.
MSNBC says that the man is still able to have sex, and has refused further treatment.
Penis Tattoo Gives Guy Permanent Erection [MSNBC]
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DR. Baily has the fix for fistulas, just send him to Seattle Grace / Mercy West.
Of course he refused further treatment. He has now has a legitimate medical excuse to sport a boner in public.
poor guy. sounds like he’s pretty hard up.
So did he end up paying for it, or did he stiff the guy?
I bet he will erect a statue in his likeness, or he will be a dick and just bad mouth him.
I think he realized that the best course of action was to move on, head held high.
As long as he stands firm in his resolve.
At least it didn’t sound like the artist fumbled the ball on this one.
Atleast he’s making the best of it, way to keep a stiff upper tip.. I mean lip!
Sorry, but this is a rather tender subject!
You’re just oozing with compassion, aren’t you?
Penis. Balls.
He was probably pretty angry after this problem reared its ugly head.
He needs to find a doctor who can fix this. It shouldn’t be hard.
I hope there are nurses with good bedside manner to help soften the blow.
So he’s a show-er now, big deal.
And … is this article telling me that sex-related erections of more than 4 hours’ duration are safe? Good to know.
I don’t get why someone would tattoo “good luck on your journeys” on his John Thomas. My tattoo says, “Blow to inflate”.
I’m history buff so my penis tattoo says:
“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
Not to brag or anything.
Did you use one of those guys who engrave bible verses on the head of a pin?
…so that’s what that microdot is for…or so I’ve heard.
If your partner takes things literally, that might prove to be painful.
Apparently, the penis mightier than swords or guns.
Or some other appropriate..
Whatever.
Was not expecting to laugh at this article, but the picture got a chuckle straight away.
Look I can understand a tat in a regular place but your junk? really?
Really, who will we see it anyways?
“Hey Babe. I got a tattoo on my junk. Wanna see?”
It reads “Eat at Joe’s Delicatessen, Corner of Fourth and Main. Home of the Foot-long Submarine Sandwich”
Well you gotz a point hehe but it’s got to hurt like hell. IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
My partner does… He did it because it’s the ultimate bar bet: “I bet you I have ‘your name’ tattooed on my business.”
The words, of course, are ‘your name’. He’s a tattooist and he got adventurous one night.
Nothing like a good joke that can result in having to register as a sex offender…
My tattoo artist also tattooed his own junk. I asked him if he’d ever tattoo someone else’s penis. After a long pause, he said, “Yeah, but there would be a really big handling charge.” I asked out of curiosity, as my wife wouldn’t come near me if I had that done.
Considering what I’ve heard about how you have to do these tattoos, no thanks, owowowowowowo.
Hit with rubber mallet, do some of the tattoo, repeat until done. I really hope that’s an urban legend of how it has to be done.
He just wants people to stare at his linus.
does he make house calls… ?
Why? You want to stare at his linus in person?
I’m dubbing this post “The Fountain of Youth”, because we’ve all gone back to middle school.
Nonsense. These puns are of at least high school quality.
Oh I see, a tattoo ON it, not a tattoo OF it. That makes way more sense.
I hope he works at a library, at least then it will make sense that he’s always carrying a book around.
Dude, Google “Katie Holmes without makeup”.
That’ll take care of it.
I was gonna get a $100 bill tattooed on mine, cause my wife likes to blow money.
+ 1
lol that’s great.
Stupid question that I could probably google but I’m terrified I’ll see something that would require massive amounts of eye bleach.
How does one go about tattooing a penis? Does it need to be erect? What happens if it goes flaccid during the process?
No erection. Usually, some kid of hard, rounded tube (e.g. a doweling rod) is used to stretch the part of the penis being tattooed around, and then it’s kind of smooshed/stretched over it. Tattoo a small portion. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I don’t have one (there), but I have friends who do and a good friend who is a tattoo artist. She said the skin is quite thin and really just tends to bubble and split even with a light touch…
I just fainted, threw up, and pooped all at once.
Bubble and split? I mean…
oh God, it just happened again.
OW OW OW OW OW
I don’t have a penis, but
OW OW OW OW OW.
And the Pulitzer Prize for journalism goes to Meg!
This is real hard hitting reporting!
“MSNBC says that the man is still able to have sex, and has refused further treatment.”
DUH!
In other news, penis tattoo futures are up 69 percent today and they will start climaxing in a few days.
Why did this story remind me of Down Periscope…
“Welcome Aboard!”
Came to say this…
I’m appreciating your True Blood reference.
Whereas I had to look up what she was talking about….but not from my work computer.
Man, if I was getting a wang tattoo I’d at least make it say “Welcome aboard!”
On the NYSE, pharmaceutical stocks are down, and penis tattoo futures are up.
At least half up.
Aladdin went into the cave of 1000 wonders, came out with a 1000 year boner.
This must really be a problem in the gym locker room.
Note to self: never get a penis tattoo in Iran.
You know, you can really just remove the words “. . . in Iran” from that sentence.
“MSNBC says that the man is still able to have sex, and has refused further treatment.”
Well I guess that’s a happy ending.
One New Years Eve a guy pulled his out in the middle of the bar, he had a happy face tat on the head.
Doesn’t matter; had sex.
Amputation; it’s the only solution.
Why the hell would he want a tatoo there?