Psychic On Trial For Theft, Tax Evasion

There’s no word about what Tarot cards, life lines or crystal balls have to say about a Colorado psychic on trial for theft and tax evasion, but common sense says things don’t look good for the suspect. She’s accused of telling clients that their money was evil and she needed to cleanse it before returning it to them. She didn’t follow through with the promise to give it back and allegedly made off with $300,000.

The Daily Camera of Boulder, Colo. reports the woman missed her trial on Monday due to medical reasons. The District Attorney alleges that she’s faking it, saying a GPS bracelet attached to her indicates that she went to church, ran errands and then checked into a hospital, only to be released and head to another.

According to the suspect’s attorney, she’s suffering high-blood pressure, shortness of breath and nausea and will undergo medical tests this week. If the judge doesn’t buy her medical excuses, she could be incarcerated with a $500,000 bond.

Lafayette psychic Nancy Marks hospitalized, misses opening of fortune-telling fraud trial [Daily Camera (Boulder, Colo.) via Huffington Post]

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  1. mauispiderweb says:

    Straight out of King of the Gypsies.

  2. agent 47 says:

    Humans are such dumb animals.

    • JoeDawson says:

      Seriously, if you trust a Psychic to “clean” your money… you don’t deserve nor are intelligent enough to have money at all.

      • axhandler1 says:

        Agreed. Anyone who pays money to a psychic for anything other than entertainment is, in my opinion, an utter moron.

  3. RandomHookup says:

    Any good psychic would know the cops were on to her.

  4. Exceptional Vampire Does Not Sparkle says:

    In other news, Gullible is written on the ceiling.

  5. Sarahlara says:

    Seems like I remember an old Robert Stack Unsolved Mysteries episode with a psychic who also said she had to cleanse/burn/purify her clients’ money while she really stole it.

  6. comatose says:

    I bet she didn’t see that coming..

    I cleanse my own money at home.

  7. Straspey says:

    Remembering a time long ago from WHY times of innocence, we think IS of old timers who were among THIS the types found amongst their ON locals environs to be a bit more CONSUMERIST skeptical when it came to the news of the day.

    • Wasp is like Requiem for a Dream without the cheery bits says:

      I can read between the lines.

      Frankly if you’re going to hire a psychic to clean your money you should be an informed consumer.

      • ballistic90 says:

        Make sure only a LICENSED psychic cleans your evil money. Even then, they need to be a very strong, moral psychic so as not to be consumed by the evil they are cleansing from the money.

    • The hand that feeds, now with more bacon says:

      Wh s ths n cnsmrst, indeed

    • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:

      Consumer Advice: Don’t use psychics.

      That’s why.

  8. raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

    I come from a family of very gullible people–grandpa was infamous for trying every “lose weight/live forever/get rich scheme” to come around. Every. Single. One. Even when they contradicted one another.

    Another branch of the family is all about having personal psychics. Some people would consult their attorneys or financial advisors or their moms before making big decisions. They consult their medium.

    I asked Mom to stop relaying certain kinds of news pertaining to certain branches of the family. “Let me know if Aunt So-n-So ever goes in for real treatment for her cancer and the results; I don’t need to hear if she’s gone to another quack or faith healing session. If Uncle Blank does something stupid because his psychic said so … I don’t need to know about it. If I ever meet these morons at a family reunion, it would make you look bad if I can’t stop laughing in their faces. Also, make Dad stop trying to sell me his snake oil. Please. When did you let him become a snake oil salesman?”

    • MaxH42 thinks RecordStoreToughGuy got a raw deal says:

      I was saving this for an open thread, but since it’s come up:

      If anyone’s looking for research-based studies on the effectiveness of certain treatments/therapies, which board certifications to look for, or which specialists are considered the best for certain procedures, I used to deal with the medical literature every day and can always throw some links your way, or maybe even recommend some articles if I have time.

      • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

        That’s pretty cool of you–sadly, my family is not at all interested in medicial research. They fall for the fake “Personal success stories” and “Real person endorsements,” or, most commonly, the “my friend told me so it must be true.”

        For example: “My friend’s grandmother’s bridge partner was dying of cancer and she went to Quck Doctor’s clinic in mexico and they told her this-that-and-the-other thing, and now she is 100% cured!”

        They’ll take that over any amount of actual scentific documentation. I send them links to science, hell, to reports that their snake oil comes from a guy wanted in 3 states for medical malpractice/practicing without a license. But their argument is based on how much the “snake oil” has improved their health and sense of well-being … when, coincidentally, right before starting on the snake oil, they also made a major diet change from fast food to fresh produce.

        But they saw no results until the snake oil! gasp! a miracle!
        argh!

        • RvLeshrac says:

          None of the True Believers actually care about things like “evidence” or “research.”

          Unless it supports their preconceptions, of course.

          • RvLeshrac says:

            Additionally, that’s why some of us find it infuriating when we’re not allowed to call a brainless moron an idiot on forums with mods who are under the mistaken impression that you can actually have a discussion with said brainless morons.

            Instead, you’re forced to concede the point by not responding, meaning someone searching for information on the topic will encounter said brainless moron’s ramblings and take them for the truth.

  9. Oranges w/ Cheese says:

    I make my own Tarot Cards at home.

  10. Cat says:

    “I’m seeing a small room… with bars on the doors… in your future.”

    • Wasp is like Requiem for a Dream without the cheery bits says:

      I wish someone had told me this before I got married.

      • Cat says:

        Mr. Wasp is a wise man for installing bars in the kitchen.

        • Wasp is like Requiem for a Dream without the cheery bits says:

          Ha ha so true. Though, haven’t you heard? Kitchen jokes are no longer funny and or cute. Which really hurts my kitchens feelings.

  11. Tardis78 says:

    Guess she didn’t see that coming. Not a very good psychic.

  12. NeverLetMeDown says:

    If you’re looking for a psychic, here’s rule 1: don’t call. If the person’s truly psychic, he’ll call YOU.

    • raydee wandered off on a tangent and got lost says:

      This brings the notion of cold calling and cold reading to a whole new level.

      “Good morning, I have come into the awareness that you are facing a rather large personal decision. It involves an individual or object that starts with the letter R or B, and it could be important to you and your loved ones. When you feel that you need further guidance, please contact me at (Psychic Hotline Phone Number)*

  13. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    Are people really still falling for this? I used to feel sorry for people when they fell for these types of scams, but not so much any more.

  14. dosdelon says:

    Even I can predict what happens when you don’t pay the government…

  15. ZenListener says:

    If she’s short and goes on the lam the newspapers can finally use the headling, “Small Medium At Large”

  16. hahatanka says:

    Had she taken the course, I took at the local Communiversity, “How to Fake Physic Powers,” she might have gotten away with it.
    Grad nite was cool. went to the studios of the local cable channel, with their local programming. Guy while blindfolded, “answered” questions from sealed envelopes. He was good at it. But a fraud, is a fraud, is a fraud. My GF’s 10-year-old niece can do that trick. She just doesn’t have the blindfold part down yet.
    It’s called the ONE AHEAD TRICK. 1st answer comes from a shill. You then open the envelope, read the question which actually comes from the the next person.

  17. duncanblackthorne says:

    [sarcasm]Wow, complete fakes like psychics are actually criminals? I so totally didn’t see that one coming![/sarcasm]

  18. bben says:

    If she was a ‘real’ psychic. she would have seen that coming.

    Any psychic that wants my business will have to call me with the answer before I even know what the question is.

    My aunt once got a call from a ‘psychic’ who offered to sell her the next weeks winning lottery numbers – I had to explain that if the ‘psychic’ knew what those winning numbers were, they would be playing the lottery, not trolling for suckers.

  19. Anna Kossua says:

    It doesn’t help that various TV shows have psychics on, and they’re presented as legitimate. Even Anderson Cooper had that John Edward con artist on recently! The one that made me maddest was a show recently was about missing children. They brought in a psychic that “has helped the police with investigations” and had two of the family members meet with him. Disgusting.

    A lot of people in normal situations would see them for crooks, but when they’re desperate and in crisis, they become much more willing to grab at anything. Sad and awful.

    Oh! But another I saw, on one of those “Inside Edition”-like programs, they put a psychic on the case of a missing girl. “I’m sorry, but I feel she is no longer alive.” Except… the missing girl was actually the person interviewing the psychic! Oops.

  20. dg says:

    Well, you know this psychic is definitely a fraud or she would have seen this conviction coming long before it did, and she would have left the area…