Why Does ProFlowers Think I'm Cheating On My Wife?

You can’t blame Chris’s wife for being confused. She happened to receive a promotional e-mail from Proflowers, addressed to Chris, thanking him for buying a gift for Margaret. Her name is not Margaret. Chris writes that he hasn’t sent flowers to anyone named Margaret. Either Chris wrote to Consumerist as part of an incredibly roundabout cover-up of an extramarital affair, or something strange is going on here.

I left for work after a small – but recoverable – disagreement with Diane (my wife). On arriving to work, I was greeted with a Proflowers marketing email forwarded by my wife, which contained the following text embedded within:

“Christopher, We Like You,
We Really Like You!
How do we say thanks for choosing us for your recent gift to Margaret? With an Extra 10% off any order made before 07/13/2011.
Just click this email to receive your Extra 10% off.”

(how she spotted it I’ll never know.)

Her comment below this: Who the *$*% is Margaret??

I didn’t know, but guessed (correctly!) I was about to spend my morning finding out. My first thought was that someone had stolen and used my credit card, but that didn’t explain how my Proflowers account was used? Also, if it was my account, why was Proflowers emailing my wife? This seemed about the dumbest thing possible, even for me: send flowers to another woman, forget your account emails your wife. Astonishingly, my beloved did not have any interest in exploring the answers to these questions before the main one was answered: Who is Margaret?

After a little logic, some canceled cards and LOT of backpedaling and apologizing, I got Proflowers on the phone, then a Proflowers supervisor. I politely explained the situation but they clammed up once they heard it was a potential fraud case. I said, “I understand that, but I’m about to get divorced if I don’t find out who Margaret is.” She was unsympathetic. Finally she sighed, “Just what is it you’d like me to do, sir?” I asked her to remove all personal and credit information and cancel my account, which she clearly didn’t do, since it’s 2 months later and we’re still getting these notices, which have been taunting my wife with the following:

“Impress Margaret! She’ll love you for it!”
“Doesn’t Margaret deserve roses this weekend?”
“Margaret’s been thinking about you, show her you do the same.”

Of course, Proflowers did nothing with the information I gave them. I didn’t get divorced, but my wife absolutely LOVES joking with me each time they email her about Margaret. The account is still active and spamming away, and shows no signs of stopping. The mystery continues…

This could all be part of a fiendish campaign to make the falsely accused buy apology flowers for their significant others, but it’s hard to believe that they would then turn around and actually give ProFlowers any business.