Costco Shopper Writes Insane Fake Shopping Lists For The Amusement Of Others

Over at Reddit, a contributor says they have discovered a new way to amuse themselves — and hopefully others — while shopping at Costco.

“My new hobby is making creepy shopping lists and dropping them in random peoples’ baskets at Costco,” reads the caption accompanying the image seen here.

While none of us are cocaine users, we are curious to hear whether or not the Kirkland Signature version of the narcotic is as potent as the brand name stuff.

My new hobby is making creepy shopping lists and dropping them in random peoples’ baskets at Costco [Reddit]

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  1. George4478 says:

    Unfortunately, they only sell cocaine in the 4-kilo HandiPak, so it costs $84,000.

  2. WR says:

    I can’t wait to do this…

  3. Rachacha says:

    Wow…That is mature.
    Later are they going to play Ding-Dong-Ditch?

    • Loias supports harsher punishments against corporations says:
    • JennQPublic says:

      Oh, come on, this is hilarious! It’s not harming or even annoying anyone, which makes it one of the most mature pranks I’ve seen in a long time. If he gets a good chuckle out of it (as I did), and the worst impact he’s having on anyone is them getting a WTF moment, I think that’s doing pretty good.

    • hoi-polloi says:

      This is pretty harmless stuff. If I found this in my cart I’d probably get a chuckle out of it and leave it for the next person. I’ve had occasional trips to the store where I’ve bought such an odd assortment of things that I’m self-conscious. Seeing this list brings those memories right back.

      On a related note, I think I’m too old to ring and run these days.

      • MrBeetle says:

        One of my trips when I was in college… trying to impress my girl..

        Steak. Lobster. Whip Cream. Chocolate Syrup. Potatos. Condoms.

    • witeowl says:

      Psst. I think some of the neighbor kids are on your lawn.

    • Ihmhi says:

      “Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.” -C.S. Lewis

      tl;dr: Maturity doesn’t exclude being silly. I’d laugh if I found one of these in my basket.

      I’m just hoping he never gets caught by someone who’s insane enough to sue and ruin everybody’s fun.

    • bluline says:

      What’s Ding-Dong-Ditch? Must have missed that during my childhood.

      • constanon says:

        When I was younger it had an unfortunate very un-PC name for it but I’m sure the idea is the same.

        Ring a random person’s doorbell. Run and hide in the bushes. Laugh. Repeat.

  4. FreshPorcupineSalad says:

    No ice soap or 2am chili supplies?

  5. Martha Gail says:

    Really, Consumerist? If I wanted to read reddit’s sloppy seconds, I’d just go back to reddit and re-read all the threads.

    • Slave For Turtles says:

      X-post all the things!!!!!1!!1

    • Agent Hooter Enjoys Enhanced Patdowns says:

      I was told that your mom was not opposed to sloppy seconds.

    • myCatCracksMeUp says:

      Hell, I wasn’t logged in and your post irritated me enough to spend the few seconds to log in and tell you to please go take a chill pill.

      This post is funny no matter where it came from.

      I don’t read reddit, but when there’s something there that in some way affects us as consumers, and when that something is funny, I appreciate Consumerists posting it.

      You should just go away.

  6. WR says:

    kinda like grocerylists.org

    Menopause hoodies anyone? http://www.grocerylists.org/wp-content/gallery/lists-2201-2300/2216.jpg

  7. rmorin says:

    Simpsons did it:

    Homer: Yeah, um, give me one of those porno magazines, a large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a box of panty shields… [rapid undertone] and some illegal fireworks… [normal voice] and one of those disposable enemas. You know what, make it two.

    Marge: (back at home) Ew, Homer. Whatever you’re planning for tonight, count me out. Didn’t you buy any meat?

  8. NarcolepticGirl says:

    I did this when I was 17. But made it less obvious.
    We also made fake labels and put them on canned goods and put them on the shelves at the grocery store.
    Andddd… when I was a teenager at some crime scene interactive exhibit at MOS in Boston, I emptied the notes that friends I passed around in school
    from my backpack and put them in the “crime scene” as evidence

  9. chemmy says:

    That’s funny. I write fake Consumerist stories for the amusement of others.

  10. dangerp says:

    From xkcd:

    “Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger.”

  11. syndprod says:

    As a young’un, director John Waters and his crew used to play “Shopping for Other People”, slipping completely incongruous items into shoppers carts when their backs were turned. He showed a little bit of this in his movie “Pecker”.

    • SugarMag says:

      John Waters told that story on some talk show…then someone did it to him. (teehee)
      I always get a chuckle over that.

  12. MrMagoo is usually sarcastic says:

    - Axe
    – 10 gallons hydrochloric acid
    – Large plastic tubs
    – Plunger
    – Mop
    – Floor cleaner

  13. Happy Tinfoil Cat says:

    I wonder how far you could push this without them calling in the FBI.

  14. c_c says:

    Another good idea: pose as a greeter and say
    “Welcome to Costco, I love you.”
    to every entering customer.

  15. Yomiko says:

    The best part is the flag graphic at the top of the page.

  16. The Porkchop Express says:

    My friend doe this to his wife’s grocery lists. Just adds random stuff to it.

    She hates it, but when you go over and see the list on the fridge for the weekly grocery trip you laugh.

    • The Porkchop Express says:

      he does it actually. He does not femal deer it.

      • Costner says:

        Thank goodness…. because we know what those femal deer things can do!

        lol – yea I know… we all need the edit button sometimes.

    • Kate says:

      We used to add plastic soldiers to every shopping list the other made as a running joke.

      internet points to the person who gets the reference.

  17. Tokarev_Makarov says:

    Bad, bad idea to make up any shopping list mentioning illicit drugs, explosives or anything that can be used in the commission of a crime. It could easily get your or the person you’re pranking charged with intent to distribute, or otherwise commit some other sort of felony.
    Wacky items, or humorously suggestive combinations – fine. But stay away from anything that could get someone in trouble.

    • George4478 says:

      The jails are full of people who had the word “cocaine” written on a piece of paper.

      • Tokarev_Makarov says:

        In the late 60s and 70s as crime spiraled, we pleaded with our government at every level for “more law and order” and as a result got a legal system that uses references to drugs (not even the drugs themselves, necessarily) and possession of unusual amounts of cash as an excuse to jail people and confiscate their property. It’s not like we have Constitutional protections against disproportionate sentencing or taking stuff without due process or anything…

  18. lovemypets00 - You'll need to forgive me, my social filter has cracked. says:

    Every so often I’ll find a leftover shopping list in my cart, and I am nosy, so I have to read it. It’s fun to try to imagine who left it. Old or young? Male or female? Sometimes the spelling is pretty bad, so it’s a challenge trying to figure out what they actually bought.

  19. Mr. Snerk to you says:

    A friend of mine will occasionally secret in and leave odd items in odd places when he comes to visit. We have discovered a vase in the shower, a non-functioning can opener in a side table and a magazine on ferrets in the laundry supplies. It took us a long time to figure out how this was happening and who the culprit was. Quirky, but funny.

  20. Chaosium says:

    Yeah, that was funny when I was 12, and then I realized that nobody actually reads them.

  21. Dave on bass says:

    Fun idea. I usually just write random funny stuff on the grocery lists hanging on my friends’ fridges, this is a whole new world of the same.

    =0)

  22. Rhinoguy says:

    Almost as much fun is to photocopy ONE side of a one hundred dollar bill and leave it on a shelf at Wally World. Yup, legal, if you only copy one side. And don’t forget the front of the bill is black enough that most folks won’t notice.

  23. sj_user1 says:

    Its all fun and games until the Department of Homeland Security is knocking down your door and shipping you off to Guantanamo.