Which Recent Books Can Protect You From Bullets?

We’ve always heard that you should avoid having a bunch of kitchen tools that just do one thing, but what about books? Shouldn’t they have other uses? Like, perhaps, stopping bullets? I haven’t read Johnathan Franzen’s new book but apparently it’s just no good as body armor. That’s a shame, don’t you think?

The nice folks at Electric Literature have evaluated some reasonably thick books for us, as well as the Amazon Kindle. Sorry to spoil it, but the Kindle is just no good.

“The only consolation,” they conclude, “is that you’ll die quickly with a Kindle.”

[via BuzzFeed]

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  1. agent 47 says:

    I keep two phone books taped together in my front pocket for just such occasions.

  2. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    Cue the humorless comments asking, “What does this have to do with consumer issues?” Well, I think fitness for the purpose for which you bought the merchandise is a good start. ;)

  3. danmac says:

    “But what if he shot you in the face?!?”

  4. Rebecca K-S says:

    Love the matter-of-fact reporting on the subject.

  5. rahntwo says:

    I read a lot of James Michener so I’m prolly safe. Most of his books are 1000+ pages.

  6. Hungry Dog says:

    I just discovered the untapped market for Kevlar book covers.

  7. photoguy622 says:

    It’s a good thing I always keep a Bible next to my heart and an extra large piece of the True Cross. Saved me once when I was chatting with my neighborino.

  8. The cake is a lie! says:

    Personally I like to wrap all of my books with Kevlar just in case. I even have a kevlar case for my iPad which is rated for protection against armor pricing rounds. You can never be too careful these days… It kind of makes it difficult to go through security at the airport since even my boots are bullet proof, but if a shootout occurs at 30,000 feet, I want to be the only one riding the plane to the ground in perfect health.

  9. evnmorlo says:

    Taser resistance would be more useful. A good book should be able to stop at least one barb before it gets to your Kevlar vest.

  10. gozilla09 says:

    I make my own body armor at home

  11. Qantaqa says:

    Didn’t Mythbusters do something extremely similar to this? Which you can say about most anything, honestly.

  12. Egat says:

    I just got The Instructions from Powell’s indespensible and thought of that behemoth when I saw the headline.

    Video won’t load, but I’m pretty sure that’s the book being held in the picture.

  13. Halloween Jack says:

    A company called Acme Prototype sells a Kevlar Bible cover.

  14. Quake 'n' Shake says:

    Anything by Tom Clancy should sufficiently protect you from gunfire. Although, getting shot would be far less painful than reading it.

    / Sideshow Bob’d

  15. jedifarfy says:

    I want to see ‘Washington” by Ron Chernow and the Mark Twain autobiography! Those are my current books of choice for saving me from a bullet.

  16. gybryant says:

    Looks like the shooter was pushing in anticipation of recoil. That’s why his shots were low.

    Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.